


Reviviscere

by ThatWasntSoBad



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Mentions of Blood, Minor Violence, Non-Canonical Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Tags will be updated, future shenko, violence is scattered
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23980930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWasntSoBad/pseuds/ThatWasntSoBad
Summary: (Rated Mature for violence. Tags will be updated as I go. Originally being posted to Tumblr and updates will be more common there.)Heroes aren’t born. They are made. Commander Shepard is of no exception. But little is known about her hardships. What made her who she is. She rarely speaks of them, as if doing so opens Pandora’s box all over again. This is her story - the Phoenix born from the fiery ashes of her past.
Comments: 64
Kudos: 8





	1. The Raid

Phoenix was the first person to be born on Mindoir: a trivial fact for most, but it was one she was oddly proud of. Once. She was young. Naïve. Not quite understanding the stress and pressure of being such a celebrity. Sure, it was nice to know the colony had her back… but where was the line between friend and foe? 

She never felt like a firstborn - she was the first daughter, yes, but James was nearly five years older than her - and by the time she was five the novelty of being the firstborn on the planet had worn off. That time in her life was a little blurry with the exception of a few vague memories of Rowan being born in August and her not quite knowing what to make of him.

He was… an enigma for her six-year-old self. He was boring and looked nothing like the ‘handsome’ boy her parents called him. All the cooing and awing. The dog was far more interesting and she, too, preferred to sleep. In fact, she seemed just as unamused by the crying infant as she and her brother did. Even when he was a toddler Phoenix still couldn’t see anything  _ cute  _ about Rowan. He was still a... rambunctious kid that she couldn’t have a conversation easily with.   
  
But it wasn’t the constant energy that irritated her - she was at school most of the day and she would stay with her grandparents sometimes - it was the lack of understanding of personal space. At the time, school was all about holding hands and hugging each other so when she got home, she was fed up of holding hands and hugging. She wanted to see her father when he came back home from Earth’s garrison. She wanted to help her mother bake and garden. She wanted to deadhead flowers and mess around with compost and go on walks. Not be expected to  _ tolerate  _ a tiny person not understanding the word ‘gentle’ when she had scrape and bruises.   
  
He grew on her after a while. A few years had passed and he was quite curious about her school work. Especially science. When she was nine, he had grown to be a quiet soul. Quite shy and slightly intimidated by James (who had just hit puberty). He enjoyed watching documentaries with her and he was always in the room when she was practising the piano. He would join her when she sang and he was quite affectionate. There came a point where she would come home from school with a couple of bags of sweets (given out for being victorious in challenges and the end of the school term) and he’d come running. First, he’d welcome her home and give her as big of a hug as a three-year-old could manage, and he’d be far more interested in showing off his projects than the sweets, no matter how many times she tried to ask what he wanted. Half an hour later, he’d finally answer the question and he’d thank her for five minutes. No matter how many times she said once was enough. The same courtesy was never shown to James, who would come home from a day in secondary school and aggravate them beyond belief before asking how their days had been.    
  
The eighth of January 2164 was when Minerva came. Rowan took an instant liking to her whilst Phoenix, once again, took a while. But she understood more about children and babies than she had in 2160, and spending time with the smaller children in school had helped her patience to develop. Minerva, apparently, seemed to enjoy it when she played the piano. It would send her back to sleep or put a smile on the sad toddler’s face.   
She’d come home and work on her homework, her brothers working on theirs, spend a few hours practising the piano, and then James, her and Rowan would have ‘sibling time’. Usually, it was just playing games like guess the song or top trumps, sometimes they’d watch films. And as Minerva grew older, she joined them on movie nights. They’d go on walks and Pheonix grew to enjoy carrying Minerva - usually as a piggyback ride - and having races with her younger siblings. James would join sometimes, but he was focused on exams to get the grades to go to university.    
  
Their father, who had retired from the Alliance to focus on the farm and his family, would join them more often than not and would plan days out in summer. Sometimes it was camping trips, other times picnics. But it was always fun.

Minerva was into history, Phoenix realised early on in her sister’s life, and was obsessed with non-fiction books. She always questioned their father about his omni-tool and their mother about ships and piloting. Then she’d pester James about ancient human history - Romans and Greeks, Egyptians and Vikings - whilst she asked Phoenix about the Anglo-Saxons and myths and legends. She was described as having the mind of a scholar, but the brain of a pea. Which was a little oxymoronic to her. She certainly wasn’t as wise with her knowledge as other adults believed, but who was when they were more interested in learning the facts?   
  
When Phoenix was fifteen, Kassandra was born in July. Life was good for a time - school was doing alright, James was helping out on the farm whilst having a part-time security job, Rowan was coming home from school and excitedly talking about  _ everything  _ he’d learnt, and Minerva was quite the ball of energy at five years old.

But in hours, those days that made storms feel like clear skies, and the cold of winter like the heat of summer, and days of tears and pain into comfort and relief, were stolen from her.

Gunshots came before the shouting, the fires before the alarms rang. Phoenix had been in school at the time and the sun was hidden. No one thought anything of it until the windows were smashed, bullets from assault rifles pouring into the room. Classmates fell, bleeding heavily, and her partner in the science class collapsed onto her. Dead. She couldn’t hide beneath the desk quickly enough, crawling despite the bruises on her knees from a fight she had intervened the day before and the graze from a bullet across her right bicep.

She escaped the classroom and ran down the corridor, ponytail knotted and tangled in the rush to escape, and left the building. Her chest heaved and heart pounded. Her body trembled in fear but she  _ had  _ to leave and find her family. She had to protect them. That was her job as the older sister. That was her duty to her family whilst her brother was away.   
  
Her hair was grabbed from behind and she was pulled back roughly. She swung her elbow and hit her abuser in the jaw repeatedly until they let go. She hit the floor with the force. A pistol was at her side, dropped in the fight. She picked it up as she stood, hands shaking. The metal was cold like that of death, the bodies it had killed. Fresh blood stained it - it must have been pressed against someone’s back. It was Batarian manufactured, just like the alien she aimed it at.

He laughed at her despite the blood. It was taunting. Humiliating. Disgusting. He spoke but she didn’t understand the language - her communications device around her neck was broken - but she guessed it was something she wouldn’t appreciate hearing.

The Batarian stood slowly and reached for another gun. She pulled the trigger first, a shot to the chest, and she ran before he hit the floor.

Phoenix had been taught a little Alliance training throughout the years from her father, once she had made it clear she was going to enlist. At the time, he had taken her hand and said:  _ “I hope you never need to use it. Not before you join the military”  _ That turned out to be an ideal that couldn’t remain. And there wasn’t much cover from her school to her siblings’, ten minutes walk away. She’d have to use the training again.

So she ran, only stopping to sneak past Batarians and pirates. She’d nearly gotten caught on three occasions, the final one being the closest encounter. Before the Batarian had a chance to shoot, she hit him across the face with the butt of the pistol. By the time she got to the school her siblings attended, her ponytail and long since loosened and her clothes were stained by grass and dirt. She watched as Batarians wandered the grounds, surveying them. Her throat was dry and her hands still trembled, but Rowan and Minerva were in there, suffering worst than she. There was no way she was going to let anything touch her siblings. 

Phoenix managed to sneak in undetected. She’d discovered a device - kinetic barriers that absorbed a certain amount of energy - and connected it to her belt. The shields activated She examined every classroom to find no one. She heard a scream - young, feminine. “Let me go! Let me go!”   
  
“Minerva.” Phoenix spoke quietly, beneath her breath, and she acted before thinking.

She ran again and found the courtyard. Children had been cuffed, put into lines. But all she could focus on was Minerva struggling, screaming at the top of her lungs. 

Fear had been replaced by anger and she rushed through the broken door. She vaulted over the wall (that was at knee height) and charged at the single Batarian. He was forced to let go of Minerva and brandish his pistol. Phoenix’s head came into contact with his stomach, sending them to the floor. She shot the generator, which was keeping them behind a barrier, and told them to run and never look back.   
  
Rowan picked Minerva up from her spot and kept her face hidden.   
  
That was when Phoenix shot the Batarian. 

When she caught up, the Batarians hadn’t reached their estate. Phoenix ushered them inside, Minerva crying and Rowan hushing her gently. Her parents were stood in front of her, her father geared up in Alliance uniform, her mother holding Kassandra.   
  
“Phoenix.” Her father held her. Tight. And he took the pistol from her hand.    
  
“I -”   
  
“You did what you had to do to save lives.” His armoured hands cupped her cheeks. “It’s never easy.”   
  
“But I couldn’t save them all, Dad. “   
  
“You saved more lives than you think. More families will stay together than if you weren’t there. We can only save as many as we can. That rarely means everyone.”   
  
“Dad, don’t stay. I can’t lose you.”   
  
“You aren’t going to lose me.”   
  
Phoenix frowned. “It’s suicide out there! If you stay, you’ll -”   
  
“I’ll be a few days late. I promise.” He weaved his little finger around hers. “There’s an evac shuttle down the street. Take your siblings. Your mother will be right behind you.   
  
“And James?”   
  
“He’s already there.”   
  
Rowan and Minerva were quiet. The shaking she had believed to stopped returned. She didn’t have time to process anything before she heard more shouting.   
  
“Go to the shuttle.”   
  
“But -”   
  
“ _ Now. _ ”

Phoenix nodded, the returning fear stopping her from doing anything else, and she picked up Minerva - injured from her previous treatment. Rowan followed behind her. She heard her parents talking, her mother crying. They were saying goodbye. One last time.

In her heart, she knew that. But she didn’t believe it. 

Phoenix had no other option but to run whist her father covered them. Rowan and Minerva were the first to the shuttle, thanks to a couple of Alliance soldiers. James was already helping in the wounded, off in the distance.

She looked behind her and her mother had stopped, back leaning against a wall. Phoenix approached and noticed the laboured breaths of her parent. Kassandra was tugging her sleeve, eyes red, from the spot where her mother had set her down. She had a hand on a wound - a gunshot, she presumed - and blood was seeping through her fingers, bleeding up the fabric of her clothes. “Mother -”

“Take her.”   
  
“What?”   
  
“Take Kassandra and get the hell out of here before the Batarians come..”   
  
“No. You can make it. I have medi-gel, I can still save -” The question was quick as she picked Kassandra up, holding her close as she began to wail.   
  
“There is no time.” Another explosion sounded. “Now go! And don’t look back, my butterfly.”

It took everything Phoenix had not let the tears fall when her mother kissed her cheek with a tight smile, or to shudder with restrained sobs as she heard Batarians shouting, or her mother procuring a small device, a single button.

She ran, ignoring the lactic acid the built up in her legs, or the pain in her lungs as smoke filled the air.

“Fly.”  
  
It was the last thing she heard her say before the guns sounded again and she got to the shuttle. James took Kassandra as he got onto the shuttle, Phoenix following behind.   
  
“Where’s Mum?” Phoenix remained quiet. “Where is she, Phoenix?” The shuttle door closed and another explosion sounded, much closer than the others.   
  
Phoenix held back her tear. She bit on her lower lip so hard it bled. Her fists were so tight her nails broke her skin.   
  
Her life had been stolen from her.  
  
_ 1st July 2170.  _ The day her life changed. 


	2. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grief is hard. It affects everyone differently. Some people seem to move on quicker than others. Some live in minefields in their minds during this course. But regardless of how hard it is, or how differently someone is affected, people are there. And for Phoenix, it's her brother.

Strands of strawberry blonde hung in front of her eyes, catching gold in the sun. Deep blue eyes stared at her hands, placed in her lap, the redness in her cheeks enhanced by the redness within the whites of her eyes. The tip of her aquiline nose was red from the numerous times she'd rubbed her nose with a tissue. Her slight overbite was emphasised by the noon sun upon her face, as was the prominence of her chin. 

On the fourteen-hour journey from Mindoir to Earth, she had been cleaned and patched up. Her bicep had five stitches and she had already been told that at least one rib had bruised. She'd been given a change of clothes once she'd been checked over - only an oversized grey t-shirt - and she chucked her uniform into the pile of shredded clothes that had managed to be changed. Each article covered in blood. 

James continued to wear his security uniform and was relatively unscathed. Rowan held an ice pack to his head for an hour or two and Minerva needed to have a pistol bullet removed from her thigh. Kassandra never left Phoenix's side, even when areas got too loud or too crowded. Of course, Phoenix acted accordingly when she could, to limit not only tantrums but general distress, but there was only so much that could be done to keep her happy whilst she was helping the doctors and her older brother with her sibling's medical records. 

Getting off the ship was easier. She saw her grandparents waiting for them, fresh clothes in hand along with food for the journey home. _"Military rations aren't good for the soul."_ That's what her father used to say. 

She couldn't look them in the eye. She saw her father within them. She saw parents grieving their son. Their daughter in law. And whilst she sat on a bench, recomposing herself so Kassandra wouldn't cry herself to sleep again, she quietly watched Rowan and Minerva be engulfed in a tight hug, followed by James (who towered their five foot one grandmother by seven inches) hugging the old couple. 

Phoenix eventually took a deep breath and approached, Kassandra clinging to the shirt with a tight grip, her head nestled in the nape of her neck. She was in and out of sleep, having cried for most of the night, and refused to leave her side the entire journey. 

She pulled a face that implied she was about to cry again when James took her from Phoenix, be that because she missed her sister or she saw the broken teen for the first time? It was hard to say. 

Phoenix almost froze at her grandma's embrace. She could smell freshly baked cupcakes from her job as a Baker, with the additional hint of sweet floral perfume. It wasn't obnoxious to her, not that it would have mattered with the amount of congestion she had from a mixture of summer allergies and constant sniffing.  
Soft cotton touched her fingertips, comforting her just like the soothing motion of her back being rubbed, the gentleness of her grandmother’s cheek against hers, the quietness of ‘ _Everything will be okay. You’ll see.’  
  
_It was in that safe space that she felt her shoulders tremble from the effort of holding back another wave of sobbing that she was too exhausted to express. She barely slept and her eyes were unexplainably sore. She thought she had already exhausted her well of grief, but it seemed she still had tears to shed - silent and slow, refusing to travel any lower than her under-eye.  
  
“Let’s get you home.”

 _Home. The place where someone lives permanently._ The word was hollow. Empty. Mindoir was home. But… she had no more family there. It was torn apart by hatred, victimised to horror it had never seen before. Mindoir would no longer be the same, peaceful colony she remembered. It would always be broken. Torn to shreds. Ripped apart by hatred and unethical reasoning.  
  
Phoenix followed, staring blankly ahead. People passed them, unaware of the trauma the family had just experienced. The streets outside the docking bay were loud, from traffic and hustle and bustle of city folk. But it all seemed distant. She was numb to Rowan taking her hand, she was numb to the rain that had come in from seemingly out of nowhere. But she acknowledged their presence. She held her brother’s hand like it was the most precious thing to her. She felt the rain upon her cheek, the spits and spots that were light enough to not be noticed. She felt it in the air. The sudden drop in temperature.  
  
But it was like her brain never… twigged: too focused on quickly processing on the events of the past day. Or not… focused on anything.  
  
“Phoenix?” She looked down at her little brother, strawberry blonde hair dry and sapphire eyes filled with uttermost worry, glazed with sadness. Like he was about to cry at her distance. He gripped her hand tighter, gaze boring into her eyes.  
  
She could only offer a tight smile, strained for his benefit. Forced so he wouldn’t worry so much/ She hated seeing _anyone_ she cared about hurting over her. “We’ll find our way, Ro.” And she ruffled his hair with her free hand - a moment less than normal, movement slower. “Dad’s still got a couple of days before he’ll be with us.”  
  
“Phoenix, Dad -”  
  
She briskly interrupted James. “Is fine. He’s alive.”  
  
“You know -”  
  
“ _Nothing._ Dad will be with us in a couple of days.”  
  
“And how do you know?”  
  
“Because he told me, James! He promised! And Dad _never lies._ ”  
  
___

  
Three weeks had passed. The family had been living in the south-west countryside for three weeks and five days in their Aunt and Uncle’s place with their grandparents and Aunt (their Uncle was finishing up his assignment on Mars) without a word from Mindoir.  
  
James was already set on their father’s body turning up dead, and he was almost...cold towards her at first. Shock, she supposed. Not that she cared. She’d gradually gotten back into eating and drinking, but she still spoke very little and preferred to be alone for a little while. The black retriever was the only visitor she allowed to be in her presence - and it just happened to be _all the time._ Staring at her as she ate, expecting her to give her something tastier than dog food. Of course, she’d give in. It was the silly things that dogs typically do that made her smile the most, especially if her younger siblings were involved.  
  
And then her Uncle returned. Much sooner than the four months they’d estimated. He was a Lieutenant-Commander, if she remembered rightly, and adorned a scare on his left brow and cheek. His hair was near pitch black, stubble showing the only signs of any grey, and his eyes reminded her of the refined eezo she saw sometimes when she passed repair factories. He looked like he’d just received terrible news - face pale (with the exception of sunburnt cheeks and reddened eyes). He couldn’t look anyone in the eye.

“Alex? What’s the matter?” That was her aunt, coming into the entryway from the kitchen, brown hair tied into a quick bun, flour coating her navy blue apron.  
  
Phoenix stared at him until he finally looked at her. She recalled telling him that the only thing that kept her strong was the hope, no matter how faint, that her father was still alive. Somewhere. Lost. Trying to make contact with them. She told him just a few days ago.  
  
Then… if he looked at her so apologetically, so fearfully…with so much remorse, then… Phoenix stomped on the anxiety. It didn’t have to be anything about her father. It could be that he got a demotion or something.  
  
“Darling, do you have any word on John? We haven’t been told anything.”  
  
“Then it is as I feared.”  
  
Phoenix spoke up then. “What is?”  
  
He swallowed. “You may need to sit down.”  
  
“I can stand, Uncle.” She straightened from the way she leaned against the wall adjacent to the flight of stairs, eyes narrowed in feigned determination.  
  
So he sighed and nodded in acceptance. “It is about your father.”  
  
Her grandmother took her younger son’s hand. “Is he okay?”  
  
There was silence. The atmosphere was so thick it was suffocating. Her heart quickened in rhythm like war drums. There were no words. And she knew that what she feared, that what she refused to accept, was true.  
“No. There… there has to be some mistake.”  
  
“I’m sorry. They found him half dead and did everything they could.” He walked up to her and opened his clenched hand. From his index hung her father’s necklace - a fiery phoenix of amber encircling the earth. He wore it, always. It was a gift from her mother, one he never parted ways with. “He wanted you to have this.”

Phoenix tentatively took it. The charm was chipped and the silver chain had a tiny knot on one side. Blood stained the necklace like it was a medal that was proudly worn by a soldier. She supposed it was. “Where is he?”  
  
“He will be buried on Mindoir.”  
  
She ran her index over the firebird, eyes stinging. “Beneath the stars that he began to call home.” She looked up at her uncle. “Uncle, can… can I visit him?”  
  
“When the colony has reopened, and when you are ready.” He rested her hands on his shoulders. “I promise.”  
  
_________________  
  
Phoenix sat quietly on the balcony, overlooking the meadow the family had been creating together. The breeze was cool against her bare shoulders and bare legs, the setting sun warm upon her skin. The retriever was led beside her, a front paw on the teen’s lap, and she found comfort in petting the calm animal.  
  
She heard her bedroom door slide open and she half-heartedly looked over her shoulder for a moment. She saw James and she swiftly looked back at the view in a huff. He was the last face she wanted to see., even when he sat next to her. She frowned in annoyance.  
  
“Here to tell me you were right? Or are you here to tell me that hoping is fruitless again?”  
  
“No.” James didn’t look at her. She heard him open an alcohol bottle and she smelt the apple cider. “Want a sip?”  
  
“I don’t drink.” And then she scoffed. “But I doubt asking me for a drink is why you’re here, James.”  
  
“I wanted to check on you.” He took a sip. “You haven’t been yourself.”  
  
Phoenix's frown deepened. “Couldn’t have guessed.”  
  
“At least you still have sarcasm.”  
  
“Gotta keep you on your toes.”  
  
She felt James look at her. “C’mon. Talk to me. You’ve got a storm cloud hanging over your head.”  
  
“I’ll try to keep the floor dry. Even got an umbrella for you.” She pointed at a cardboard box to her right. Then she sighed. "I remember a time when I had an older brother who was optimistic. At least in the presence of his siblings. Sure, he wasn't the most hopeful person but he valued it during tough times. I don't know when it all changed. When he lost that optimism. That hope. And Mindoir was where he lost it all." She down at her hands." I know we both deal with grief differently, but it feels like you haven't acknowledged mine. Sure you check on me sometimes. You make sure I'm eating and drinking and not drowning in all the bad stuff. But you… you've moved on quickly. At least, you act like you have. You've joined the Alliance, got so many opportunities to do good. You've already made yourself at home here. And you always acted like Dad was dead even when you didn't know. What if he wasn't? You would have hated him because you believed what you didn't know. You assumed. And you wanted me to assume so badly that you would try to force your pessimism onto me. Sure, maybe it was because you wanted me to accept and move on, but that's not me. I needed a 'we'll get through it' from you like you always do, and I… I got none of that."

James set down his drink. "Phoenix -" 

"Don't 'Phoenix' me, James." She tightened her hands into fists, voice quiet even as she reprimanded the older male. "You continue living life whilst I'm here struggling. You think the only thing I grieved over was losing a home and our mother on that day. But I _killed_ people, too. Part of me died that day and what little of her remained was clinging onto Dad. I didn't just lose a dad today, I lost me."

"You haven't died today." James wrapped an arm around her shoulders - awkward and stiff through a rare show of affection. "It feels like it, but you’re still you. Maybe Andraste showed herself that day out of survival, but Phoenix shows herself every day. She’s a little sensitive. A little shaken. Just a _tad_ emotional right this moment. But she’s a firebird for a reason.”  
  
Phoenix almost laughed as she wiped her nose with her wrist and eyes with her arm. “Gets burned a lot?”  
  
“Any other day, any other moment, I would agree. But today is not the moment to go on continuing life as normal - not knowing now that it does the opposite of what I want it to.” He placed his chin on the crown of her head. “You were called Phoenix after the mythological creature - a bird of rebirth, transformation, strength. You were born early and born a fighter. You have been fighting this whole time. You’ll beat this. You’re too steadfast to let these things win.”  
  
The retriever lifted her head and Phoenix allowed the dog to put more weight onto her in a snuggle. “What if I don’t and come out as a different person?”  
  
“It’s not good to expect yourself to remain the same after. You and I will definitely come out different, it’s harder to tell over the youngers and how much they’ll remember in the next few months. You will find it harder than me, that’s true. But you did what you had to: it’s not your fault Batarians killed and enslaved. It’s not your fault cold-blooded killers attacked innocents. You saved families that day. Hell, you saved ours. Dad would be proud. And I know you wanted him to be proud of you. But you need to forgive yourself for surviving.”  
  
James proceeded to move away from her and look back at the view. “Rowan and Minerva are going to the Doctor’s tomorrow with Uncle - therapy will be a discussion. The sooner the better, right?”  
  
Phoenix frowned. “You… want me to go? What if Uncle considers it a weakness?”  
  
Her brother laughed. “He might be a military man, but he would never view it as a weakness. He’s been trying to think of how to discuss it as an option for you since you first contacted him.”  
  
Her cheeks warmed in embarrassed and her expression turned sheepish. “Oh.”  
  
“You’re a bloody spoon, you are.” He ruffled her hair. “You still want to enlist, right?” She hummed in agreement. “Then focus on getting there. One step at a time. Use that as your end goal, but focus on the now. You can’t get to the end without the steps between.”  
  
Phoenix thought for a moment. James was right, of course, as rare as this anecdotal, philosophical side of him was. Within those words, she heard herself. It was how she comforted. Not just friends and family, but also herself. It was oftentimes hard to remember that when she was swallowed up in hopelessness. Yet James just plucked the words like he’d either written a script, had been thinking about it from the top of his head for _weeks,_ or he was really good at improvising.  
  
“I’m so tempted to call all of that a bunch of codswallop.”  
  
“But you aren’t, because you know it’s true.” She rose a brow to say ‘exactly’. “Thankfully, thinking on it hard enough and asking my friends in the Alliance -”  
  
“You have friends?”  
  
“Ha. Ha. Very funny.” He shook his head in exasperation. “Thinking on it hard enough, asking _people_ in the Alliance - that better? - knowing you for sixteen years and considering words since we left Mindor helped my lack of brain cells to come up with something. Just… don’t expect it often and don’t tell _anyone._ They’d expect me to do your job.”  
  
“Don’t worry, Brother, dear. I’d run a higher risk of the pea inside your skull imploding from thinking for five seconds.”  
  
He feigned insult. “Rude.”  
  
“Got it from somewhere.”  
  
“Don’t blame me.”  
  
“I could have been blaming someone that wasn’t you, you spoon.”  
  
“Could have fooled me.”  
  
Phoenix rolled her eyes. “You have your shift in a few hours. Go get ready or you’ll be late.”  
  
James took a final sip of cider - his third sip - and looked at her with a frown. “I give you my hard thought out wisdom - sort of… if you could even call it that - and now you’re pushing me away?”  
  
“Your ‘wisdom’” she put the word in inverted commas “isn’t at all good if you’re late. Go.” Phoenix went to playfully hit him - a carefully planned ‘attack’ to the forehead that caused zero pain - and he ducked.  
  
“Brother abuse!”  
  
“Quit your whining and _go_ to work, before you’re late.”

She waited until he had left her room and was out of earshot before she sighed and allowed herself to drop the act again, put up so he wouldn’t worry so much when he was at work. The retriever seemed to whine at that and look at her. “I know, I know, Iris. You don’t like it when I’m sad. That look isn’t going make me happy.” She kissed the bridge of her snout. “He is right, though. Being sad all the time won’t do me any good.” Phoenix returned her gaze to the sky. “I’ll do better next time. I know that for certain. Even if Mindoir haunts me forever, I can make it so it doesn’t control me. I am still me.”


	3. Elysium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six years have passed since The Raid on Mindoir. Now, as Staff-Lieutenant on shore leave on the planet of Elysium, she must prepare herself - and the colonists - to experience another from a different point of view.

Six years had passed since The Mindoir Raid. Life since had been relatively uneventful. JP (their cousin, only three years older than her) had introduced James to the daughter of his commanding officer, Vivienne. They began dating a year later and married two years later in December 2173. In September of the same year, Rowan had been involved in an accident which resulted in him being hospitalised for three months. At six years old, Kassandra had been subjected to a vast amount of Eezo which led to the now seven-year-old showing early signs of biotic capabilities. 

Her Aunt’s company, which she started a month before Mindoir was attacked, had grown. She focused on homemade goods - jams, preserves, chutneys. Around Christmas, she’d have her own mincemeat varieties. The family typically helped with the baking of cakes and pies to ease stress, especially Phoenix and James on shore leave on Earth.  
  
Phoenix joined the Alliance on her eighteenth birthday and worked across fleets, most notably the fifth for three months, and by twenty-two she was staff-lieutenant. James was Lieutenant Commander, serving back on earth, her Uncle still a Major serving in the Traverse.

It had been a relatively easy six years despite the few stresses dotted around. That was until her uncle vanished in the Attican Traverse, in October 2175 whilst taking out pirate bases (the gangs mostly consisting of Batarians) as reconnaissance missions. One day, regular contact became no contact and it took three weeks for any information to be shared. MIA, The Alliance said - "We're still searching but there's very little we can follow." Three months later, KIA - presumed, based on finding his unit dead in front of a cave-in caused by explosives. It was believed to have been 'self-sacrifice to destroy the base.'

Three months after that, he comes home. Beaten and broken and yet acting like it hadn't been half a year. Like she hadn't just begun to believe that he _was_ gone. That it was just another time she clung onto a hope that was all in her head. 

It had been five months and they’d hardly spoken. They were strangers to each other. He looked haunted yet he returned to Active Duty. She read each email and listened to every voiced message he sent her way. Even though her mind forgave home, her heart could not. Not so easily.

“Phoenix, er Ma’am - Lieutenant, uh -.”  
  
A colonist fumbling with her words caught Phoenix from her daze. Narrowed eyes looked up momentarily to see the Asari in the doorway holding onto her right arm nervously, the fear of saying the wrong things was clear in her eyes. She was, according to the colonists, most famed for the rarity of how _blue_ her skin was rather than her intelligence and biotic capabilities (which sometimes formed the rumour that she was an Ardat-Yakshi, and that was swiftly silenced with a mind meld). Her father (or second mother - the details weren't discussed) was a Turian and her mother was originally a trader from Illium who moved to Mindoir when the Colony had first opened trade routes. _A new beginning and a chance to help people get on their feet._

Phoenix had known her the biggest part of her life, Amaya being a year older, and they’d been close friends since they met. Her Asari grandmother, so rumour had it, was a Commando who had previously served on the Destiny Ascension. It had not been proved nor disproved, but it seemed farfetched. And the family didn’t know much on her to be able to guess the legitimacy of the rumour.  
  
“ ‘Phoenix’ will be fine, Amaya. I’m on shore leave.” The human, who was sat at a table eating a small pot of sugared fruit, looked up from her console. She prodded a grape with her fork and brought it to her mouth. “Have you managed to fix communications?” She popped the fruit into her mouth and continued to eat the final four pieces of strawberries and raspberries as she listened to the answer given.   
  
“That is why I came to visit you.” Amaya sat opposite Phoenix at the table and leaned forward, ankles crossed beneath the chair and hands together matter-of-factly. “We had to reboot the whole VI system - some sort of virus, apparently. We were cleaning Pandora of any viruses so we could start up systems again. Whilst I was working on connecting her to communications, our long-range scanners picked up unusual activity. _Suspicious_ activity. We figured it was Batarians or pirates. Either way, slaves seem to be a good motivation.”   
  
Phoenix’s eyes narrowed. Mindoir was still recovering and a colony of peace wore pistols at their hip. Settlements were never the same again, colonists on edge. The Batarians needed to be shown that humans don’t surrender to their culture of enslavement so easily, but not at the cost of innocent lives. 

The mere knowledge that slavery - or, at the very least, hating humanity - was at the heart of the raids made her blood boil. “How much time do we have?”  
  
“It’s hard to say. The systems were lagging when coming online.” The Asari sighed in thought. “I’d estimate an hour at least, two tops.”   
  
“Have you contacted the closest Alliance fleet?”   
  
"Communications won't be online for another ten minutes.” 

"Alright.” Phoenix placed the small fork onto the tub of leftover syrup and crossed her arms. This was business now and any ideas would be valued greatly. “So what's our plan?" 

"You're a rank below Commander, right? I thought you'd have something." 

"I still follow orders, not give them out."  
  
“You’re the highest-ranking military personnel in this colony, Phoenix. We don't have communications online. We don't know exactly when the attack will be - or if it _is_ one. We can't strike fear into these colonists. And if we wait, Mindoir could happen again." Amaya reached out across the table and grasped Phoenix's wrist. Her touch was gentle yet firm - as if saying _I believe in you_. "We cannot hide from this attack. You know that."

Phoenix grew silent. It had been six years since her life of relative peace had been transformed, parents murdered, friends lost. She knew the traumas, the negative aftermath of the raids. The colony would suffer regardless, colonists would die. More would die if they did nothing, yes. But without being able to communicate with any form of Alliance personnel off-planet - or in a different settlement - could make an already fearful situation worse. Mindoir acted slowly, caught off guard. But Elysium had the upper hand. The advantage. They knew. If they withheld information… it was too risky. And with no idea if - or when - reinforcements would arrive, in addition to having no knowledge of the numbers they were dealing with, they had little help.

There was one disadvantage: these colonists were not soldiers. They were farmers, mechanics, merchants. Scientists. They’d be gunned down. Yet a colonist’s will to protect their home was greater than the need to run. And they knew both the facilities and the geography better than anyone, especially up in the hills, and they had Alliance Marines on Shore Leave.

In the hills, they’d have a vantage point and with a small team of Alliance soldiers with them, they’d have more protection than they would in the settlement itself.   
  
Phoenix almost smirked once the idea settled into her thoughts. “But we can.” She pulled her hand away from the Asari and stood, already heading for her locker. “Amaya, go to code red. Get the colonists and troops inside the Cafeteria. I'll get to communications, try to contact the Alliance and prepare a distress signal just in case."   
  
“Goddess, I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Phoenix rose a brow and tilted her head in agreement as she opened her locker. “So do I.”

_____

 _“This is Staff-Lieutenant Phoenix Shepard, deployed on the Elysium colony. We have an unknown number of pirates preparing for a raid and a garrison of twenty Alliance Soldiers. We need reinforcements ASAP. The colony is in Code Red.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Staff-Lieutenant, this is Rear-Admiral Li. Reinforcements are on their way to your coordinates. ETA Five Hours. Hold your ground, stand strong, and protect the colony at all costs.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Aye, aye, Sir.”_

Colonists huddled together in the mess hall. The scent of coffee, coconut and fried meat was the first to hit Phoenix’s senses as she walked in from outside, followed by freshly baked bread the further into the building she walked. There was chatter of confusion, theories, conspiracy. There were whispers of disbelief, the odd loud ‘ _what!?’_ in response to accusations. Others continued talking about workplace gossip, children held close to parents, siblings stuck by the hip.

Soldiers were dotted around the walls, armed and loaded, no different to security and bodyguards. But if anyone were to look at them, stare, analyse, they’d see their nervousness, the twitch to their fingers. They knew.   
  
“Phoenix, the enemy sixty-five minutes away according to our radar..” Amaya walked beside her, approaching from her colleagues to Phoenix’s right. The words came from under her breath, only audible for her to hear.   
  
“Thanks for the heads up.”   
  
“Make your speech quick.”

Speeches. Something she never valued herself to be good at. If she was, no one had told her: quiet kid in class followed the rules, followed orders, content to stay in her own lane and work as hard as everyone else did without the goal of promotion. Yet there she was, being stared at by eighty civilians and twenty soldiers. She recognised their fear as her own, wide-eyed and pale, shifting yet still. As if bewitched. All she could do as she stood on the small band stage at the front of the room was do her best.

“As some of you have heard, this colony will be under attack. You may be wondering ‘ _who is attacking my home? Who is willing to destroy and kill innocent lives that have done nothing to anyone? Batarians? Gangs? Pirates?_ Truth is, I cannot answer those questions. I don’t know the answers. It could be any of the three. It could be all of them. I won’t tell you to swallow your fears. It is scary. It’s terrifying. I have stood in your shoes, felt the same fear that currently runs through your veins. I was there when Mindor was attacked. I lost my home. I lost my parents. Many more suffered worse and lost everything - homes, parents, siblings, children. Even their lives. It happened suddenly. No warnings. No alerts. No alarms. _Nothing._ People were killed if they were lucky - enslaved if they weren’t. Families were torn apart.”

She made an effort to look around the room, at the colonists that stared at her in silence. A pin could drop and everyone would be able to hear it clatter and chime. “This time we have an advantage: we know. We can’t stop it, but we _know_ it’s coming. I cannot promise that there won’t be deaths, that families won’t be torn apart. That none of you will be able to walk away and leave this in your past. Nor can I promise that this will be a victory. What I can do, is hope. Believe. Believe in the soldiers here. Believe in the reinforcements that are on their way. Believe in the defence systems and our VI that was upgraded this morning by the dedicated team of engineers. But above all else, I can believe in _you._ The colonists who built this place up from foundations. Who sew and harvest the crops. Who sitch up cuts and sew on limbs and cure disease, who bring new life into this world and protect its citizens. Who rescue animals and protect their homes. Who consistently make repairs and upgrades, inventing and researching. All of you keep this colony alive.

  
Homes can be rebuilt. Defences can be fixed. Technology is replaceable, consistently changing. But you are not. The memories you have built here, contained within walls and bars and floors are not. Your livelihoods are irreplaceable. I know that it is too much to ask, but this Colony requires your help. It is nothing without you. The animals that are too sick or injured to make it through the attack need your help. The walls in which you stand between will not stand without you. This colony will fall without your help.”

Phoenix stepped off the stage and took another moment to pause and look. She felt their fear as if it was her own. “I will not force you to fight - I know the trauma it causes all too well. There are three shuttles ready in the courtyard for evacuation. Any who do not wish to fight, feel free to leave and wait with the shuttles to help evacuate children, parents and the elderly. I doubt anyone would think any less of you. I certainly won’t.”

The Staff-Lieutenant waited quietly for a moment. Five seconds became thirty. Thirty became a minute. No one moved. She wasn’t expecting it. There were shifting feet of restlessness, but no signs of colonists bolting. From the third row from the front, a woman - who appeared no older than forty - walked up to the front row. She had her hair in a tight bun and her posture was flawless. She stood like a soldier - perhaps she was ex-service or security - and her eyes were steel.

“I think I speak for most of us when I say that we’ll happily put our lives on the line to protect our home and protect those who cannot fight. It is our duty as colonists to _protect_ our colony.” She saluted. “It would be an honour to fight with you, Ma’am.”

Behind her, the other colonists clapped in agreement. Phoenix knew then that she had more pressure on herself to make the right decisions. She had no room for error. But there wasn’t time to focus on that. There was a defence to get underway._____

  
“Brigantiá, Woden and Ra are in position.” 

“Osprey, Kestrel and Peregrine are ready for orders.” 

“Hawking, Styx and Voyager, awaiting further instruction..”   
  
“Ma’am, the last of the evacuees have left. Should those helping with the effort head underground to join the medical staff?”

Phoenix looked over her sniper. “Any engineers should join Amaya in the research facility. Anyone else will go to help the medical staff.”  
  
“Yes, Ma’am.”

Communications fell silent once again. Her squad - made up of twenty, most ex-military - had taken a position in the hills, overlooking the main colony. The other teams were dotted around the outskirts with two in the main colony to protect as many colonists as they could.   
The sunset had begun, and so had a battle past the planet’s atmosphere. She’d been given a heads up by Admiral Kirk that her enemy was entering the atmosphere and she readied her sniper with ease.

The woman who had stepped up earlier took position to her left. The conversation they shared after divvying out tasks had revealed that she was a Staff-Commander by the name of Eleonora Drago. She was Italian in all but her accent, which had softened throughout the years. The red stripe on the right arm of her armour (which was sandwiched between two thinner white ones) ran down from her shoulder to her wrist. Phoenix couldn’t help but notice it and she rose a brow in curiosity.   
  
“N7, Ma’am?”   
  
“Almost ten years.” The brunette, who had been fiddling with her omni-tool, looked up with a distant smile. “It’s been the best experience of my life. And then she looked at Phoenix. “Feel free to call me Drago, LT.”   
  
“Commander?”

“I’ve been a commanding officer for twelve years. It’s easy to forget my name isn’t Ma’am or Commander.”

“Don’t higher-ups use your surname?”   
  
“Only when they’re giving me a lecture.” The pair laughed for a moment, quiet and barely there, as if it was something they both experience despite their different ranks. Everything fell silent as quickly as it had broken and another moment passed before she spoke again. “I heard about your Uncle.”   
  
Phoenix narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “You know him?”   
  
“Worked with the culo for years. Never thought he’d reach major first - also thought the Alliance would try harder to find him instead of causing you the confusion.” She closed her omni-tool and reached the Sniper on her back, giving it a quick once over. “He thinks very highly of you. Even when you aren’t talking to him.”

Phoenix looked away from Drago, favouring adjusting her rifle’s position. “It’s complicated.”   
  
At the silence that followed, she allowed herself to simmer and stew. She loved her uncle, that was where the issue lied. Being told that he was missing in action was one thing - the only person who believed he was dead was James. Which was of no surprise. But being told he was killed in action, where there was no body and it was simply ‘circumstantial evidence’ and theories? At the time her aunt was in the hospital with a slipped disc, she was on compassionate leave to make sure Rowan, Minerva and Kassandra were fed, going to school and doing their homework. She was being a parent to her siblings when she got the news. James was in lockdown due to a volcanic eruption on the colony he was stationed at and couldn’t return to help. She didn’t have time to even _entertain_ grieving until her Aunt was able to move around again, a couple of weeks before he Uncle returned home.

She had hoped and believed the Alliance was wrong for five months and as soon as she allowed herself to give up and grieve, he came back. She was angry for seemingly no reason. Until one day it clicked: she’d lost a second father. 

“Phoenix, I understand.” Drago’s voice caught Phoenix’s attention. “I had a son - very similar to you, actually. He was mistreated - attacked for being a biotic by people that didn’t know him. I nearly lost him to Connaitix once before in some classified crap. The emotions you feel in those moments _are_ confusing - but only to you. You blame so many people that should have done their job and you’re confused as to why they decided not to. Your anger might feel like it’s a bubble around your uncle, but it’s what’s around it that angers you. It’s the circumstances and the stress you were under. The hardest part is stepping away from that and reinforcing the place of stress before it cracks.”

Phoenix felt the Commander clasp her shoulder in trust and she could only nod in acknowledgement of her words. Drago seemed to be pleased enough with that.   
“Alright, Staff-Lieutenant Shepard, the party has arrived.” From the sky, she could see the shuttles incoming. “Let’s see you in action.”   
  
“Aye-Aye, Drago.”


	4. Defence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All it takes is one wrong move, one distraction, and the colony is nearly lost. All it takes is the loss of focus on the present in favour of the past. And all it takes is grit and determination to enable the colony's defences. The colony cannot be lost before Alliance reinforcements arrive.

“They have heavies, Ma’am.”   
  
“I see them.” Phoenix followed a trooper, right eye looking through the scope of her rife, right index on the trigger. They ducked behind cover and she waited patiently. As soon as they showed signs of uncovering, she pulled the trigger.

  
As quickly as she had fired, she eyed the next. They were harder to track and were in line with another five troopers: one seemed to have a flamethrower. When the quint paused to set up their artillery, she pulled the trigger again. Anyone who didn’t see the bullet puncture the fuel tank on the pirate’s back would have thought she missed her mark. She moved to the next, armoured more heavily to their not so distant allies, and perched beside a fuel container. Another pull of her index - two explosions sounded, six raiders with no hope of breathing. 

“Nice shot, Lieutenant.”   
  
“Thank you, Ma’am.” 

The N7 operative had taken cover three metres away, focusing her sniper shots on the close combat - shotguns and vanguards mostly - whilst Phoenix focused on other snipers, heavies and engineers. Most of her team could use sniper's relatively easily, popping shots at a moving target. Those who couldn't use them were keeping contact with other teams, lending medical aid if need be, or using scope-mounted assault rifles to take out containers and crates.

“They’re falling back, Ma’am.”   
  


“Don’t relax just yet.” Phoenix lifted her head from the sniper’s scope as she spoke, placing her right middle finger against the earpiece. “The Saxons lost their battle at Hastings in 1066 from believing the retreat wasn’t tactics to break their shield wall.”

  
“They don’t have cavalry, ma’am.”   
  
“Don’t jinx it, Chief. Now, your cover is the shield wall. We’re geographically at an advantage: you’ve just got to tire them out.”   
  
“Like old defences fought on hilltop castles?”   
  
“Precisely.” She rolled her wrists and stretched her hands and fingers. She put her hand in a pouch on her right hip, always looking ahead, and her fingers clasped around a small, cylindrical tube. She pulled it out quickly and unscrewed the cap. Phoenix noted Drago’s curious gaze. “Eye drops, Ma’am. For hayfever.”   
  
“It’s not on your file.”   
  
“Never thought to get a clinical diagnosis.” She allowed her rifle to lean against the wall she had hidden behind and tilted her head back. She swiftly pulled (gently) on her lower lid and administered the drops, blinking swiftly. “It rarely kicks up. Even rarer for any symptoms to affect my eyes. It’s easy to forget about.” Without looking again, and as swiftly as she had taken the moment to pause, she returned the drops to her pocket and got back into position. “It won’t affect my job.”

  
“I know. If it had, you would have been forced to be diagnosed by a medic and it would be on your records.”   
  
The radio contact sounded from the colony once again. “Another wave incoming.”

  
“Noted.” Phoenix repositioned herself, looking down the scope of her rifle. “Brigantiá, next wave at your three.”

  
“No can-do, Ma’am.” Gunfire sounded. Turrets, more than likely. “We’re pinned at our twelve by a gunship.” At the mention, she saw the unit coming into her view. It was too far for her to get a good shot at the driver.”

“Alright, Second-Lieutenant. Hold your position - I’m on my way.” 

  
“Aye-Aye.” 

  
Phoenix vaulted over her cover and made haste, running from behind her squad. Drago took over commanding duties quickly, falling right into her natural rhythm, and the staff-lieutenant took the shortcut over the walkway - a downward slope for a hundred metres that levelled out to a bridge. Beyond it, at an old research facility, was the Brigantiá squad. Unlike her team, who were positioned on the flat ground roughly a third of the way up a two hundred metre hill, Brigantiá was holding their position at fifty metres above the colony, directing overlooking the settlement. Their backs would be against the hillside, leaving no room for retreat. Until the gunship was destroyed. 

"We’ve got too many coming through with the gunship causing a distraction, Ma’am. The defence turrets have gone offline.”

Phoenix almost swore beneath her breath. “Amaya, do you copy?”

“I do. Our systems have been hacked, everyone’s working to keep them out.”   
  
“We need those turrets, Amaya.”   
  
“I’m not blind I know. But it’s too big of a risk to get them online again.” An explosion sounded, along with mutterings of putting out fires. “I’m not losing another home to these bastards.”

“We have a gunship tearing through our people and Batarians are using the distraction to get past our defences. We don’t have the men to keep this Colony around for two  _ hours  _ without those turrets!”

“They bypassed top of the line security systems!”

  
“Security systems that have only worsened and led to a VI virus since it was installed last Friday?”

  
“Are you accusing my right hand -”

  
“No. I’m telling you that you grew complacent and didn’t do your standard checks. Get those turrets back online and Pandora will be constantly changing the codes. It’s your VI. You made it  _ specifically  _ for these circumstances. Trust your creation, Amaya.”

  
“Alright, alright. I’ll get to work. As for the gunship, be careful. I can’t lose - “ Static alerted her to communications at the main research facility going down.   
  
“Dammit.” Off in the distance, Phoenix saw the gunship. She pressed her back against a stone pillar as the turrets began firing again. “Voyager, Styx and Hawking, do you copy?”

“We do, Lieutenant, Ma’am.”

  
“Disperse and flank. Protect those shield generators at all costs.”

  
“Aye-Aye.”

Phoenix looked behind the pillar. Its shields were down and the glass was weak, but it moved too quickly for her to get a shot at the pilot. The last of the light reflected off something as her eyes scanned the area. It appeared to be a missile launcher at a further glance and she swiftly ran to it, crouching at the next piece of cover. She examined the weapon - one shot left, homing capabilities, and all she had to do was get a lock before she shot.    
  


“LT, keep that Mantis distracted whilst I line up a shot!”

“We’ll do our best, Ma’am. You heard her, soldiers!”

  
“Yes, Sir!”

When the shots began again, she peered over the edge of a fallen pillar and kept her eyes firmly on the gunship. She heard the small beep of the weapon. “Get down!” As soon as the men ducked, she pulled the trigger. She waited with bated breath and then it happened. Smoke filled the window and fire erupted from the hull. It began to spiral down into the valley. Another explosion, followed by a cheer. 

The gunship was down.

“Phoenix, are you okay!?”

  
“Amaya, I’m fine. What about you?”   
  
“Had to use manually restart the defence turrets, codes are always changing. But the shield generators are coming down hard - scratch that: shields are down. I need to -”

  
“You’ll stay exactly where you are. Just tell me what to do when I get to them.”

  
The Asari sighed. “Okay. I’ve sent you their locations. Make haste. I’ll try to find out how far away reinforcements are.”

_______

  
Phoenix pressed her back against cover, sweat beading on her forehead at the effort of manually restarting the penultimate generator. The bodies of colonists and soldiers were scattered over the flats - screams emphasising the harsh reality of their demise, reminding her of what she had tried to defend.

She was exhausted with barely any energy to move, body screaming at her to just stop and rest. But she couldn’t. Not until the final generator was up and running again. It was in front of her, just one more connection and the shields would be running again. Her fingers left blood on the interface - her own without a doubt - yet it meant nothing. Even when the shields were up, there were still pirates trying to get in to slaughter everyone in their path. 

“Shields are up, Shepard.” Beside her, the second lieutenant from before had been covering her. They had served together for many years, almost to the point of inseparable. “C’mon, let’s get you patched up.” He lowered his assault rifle and took her right hand, pulling her back onto her feet. “We’ve been saving bastards for you.”

“Thanks, Cavendish. Sentiment appreciated, but only out of civility.” She allowed herself to rest against the wall whilst the lower-ranking officer applied medi-gel.

  
“You scare the crap out of me sometimes you know.”

“What are friends for, right?” She allowed Cavendish to aid her once more, following his lead to the next closest cover. When she looked up at the sky, she could vaguely see the moon through the smoke and fire. And then, breaking the blackened clouds, an alliance vessel. “Reinforcements…”

What few of the raiders remained were shot down without mercy. Amaya, who had let the research tower to use her powerful biotics, seemed like she was about ready to cry in relief. “The major’s two hours early. But look!” Three more Alliance vessels. “There’s more!”

  
“He knows how to twist arms.”

  
Their words, however, fell as silent as the air. Engines silenced, yet fire continued to crackle.   
“Alex, slow down.”

“You told me you wouldn’t let her out of your sight, Eleonora!”

  
Raised voices sounded vague.

“She’s a Shepard, fir christ’s sake! She’s a soldier, not a damsel!”

  
“Have you ever been forced to make a vow so someone could die with the knowledge that their children are safe?” Another silence. Another tension. “Where is my niece, Drago?” A beat. “Where is she!?”

“Here, Sir.” 

Phoenix felt her feet drag across the floor in her attempt to walk beside her two supports. “She needs urgent medical aid. The extent of her injuries is impossible to tell.”

“Her BP and sugars aren’t looking great. Heart rate’s stable, but high. She has a dislocated left shoulder that we had to put back into place on the fly. I’ll forward the scans to your onboard doctor.”

She felt herself shift again, from one person to another. It was careful and whoever had taken her and picked her up had done so gently. “Don’t fall asleep on me until you’re on board, Phoenix. That’s an order, Lieutenant.”

_____

“She’s coming round now, Major. Don’t be harsh with her. Distress could set her back again.”

“Noted.”

Rhythmic beeping of machines sounded. Beep… Beep... Beep She frowned at the annoyance of it. The net sense that came to her was touch. The light weight of a bedsheet on her legs, the fingers around her right wrist, thumb making back and forth actions to soothe discomfort, the cool, tenderness of her fringe being swept to the side. Then it was the dull ache to her side, the dull throb in her shoulder, the discomfort of bandages feeling almost too tight.   
  
“Is it too much to ask for some hot chocolate? Phoenix drowsily opened her eyes, blinking as her vision adjusted to the medbay lighting. The quiet, held back laughter from her uncle made her lips quirk up into a small smile.   
  
“It’s good to see you’re alright.” It was his hand on her forehead that seemed to ease her anxiety of being in the hospital bed. “Amaya and Cavendish came to see you earlier. You had us worried for a few hours.”

  
She frowned at their names, concern seeming to diminish any form of comfort she had gained. “Are they okay? What about the colony? And Drago -”

  
“All fine. You defended the colony and have been awarded the Star of Terra for your service.”

  
She shook her head. “I don’t deserve it. It should be given to the fallen. Without them…”

Another beat. “I know.” Phoenix looked at her Uncle, who had seemed to retreat within himself. She sensed he need to - wanted to - say something, but didn’t know how. “A year ago, my squad was ambushed to Battarians. Five of the twenty survived, But three of us were… we were captured. Two were killed in the initial scuffle, the rest of us...” 

It was her turn to squeeze his hand. At the trailing off of his sentences, he looked away, staring at something and yet nothing. She noted the whites of his were turning red and her chest tightened. “You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  
“I’ve been doing that for the past six months. You deserve an explanation.”

“Not if it’s going to reopen old wounds. You don’t owe me anything. Not even forgiveness for my bloody…”

  
The hand on her forehead moved to her cheek. “Shhh, it’s okay. Don’t blame yourself for being human.”

“Doesn’t make it any better though, does it?”

  
“Maybe not, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t valid.” He lowered his hand. “You know, I… I see a lot of your father in you. He would have acted in the same way. But you have your mother’s forgiveness. Her chivalry. Modesty. Her tenacity. But you have my brother’s stubbornness. Grit. Will - although some would cool it foolishness.” He offered her a smile. It seemed sad, not quite meeting his eyes. But the way he spoke showed an honest vulnerability. Like he’d been meaning to say it but was scared to. “I’m proud of you. And I’m proud that I have the honour to be your uncle.”

“I…” She pressed her lips together in a tight smile. “Even after -”   
  


“Water under the bridge.”

Phoenix allowed her smile to widen, relax, no matter how suppressed it was. Her laugh was a short breath, voice timid as she retreated back into herself out of embarrassment. “Thank you.”

  
Her uncle nodded as he stood. He left the room a few moments later, steps lighter than they had been. A weight had been lifted from her chest. She just wished she had the courage to tell him she missed him. Perhaps, one day, it would be easier to say out loud than written on a piece of paper, hidden within words. 


	5. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2183\. Seven years had passed and Phoenix followed her father's footsteps when she joined the N7 programme. For a mission on a prototype warship - The Normandy SR-1, the first stealth ship of its kind and the first Turian and Human coalition build - that's labelled as a shakedown run, having a Spectre onboard is suspicious to the Staff-Commander.

_ “What?” Phoenix spluttered, voice hoarse from choking on a bite of her cheese and onion sandwich (which she had failed to counter for the heat of from the dryer summer and had quickly regretted having the sandwich).  _

_ “You’ve been recommended to try out N1. Drago’s recommendation.” _

_ Phoenix reached for her bottle of pomegranate juice and chugged half of the three hundred millilitre bottle in an attempt to soothe her throat. Opposite her, Cavendish (who had been promoted to First Lieutenant) read the short email with what seemed to be a glint of pride. His fork, held in his left, was suspended above the pasta bowl, spaghetti bolognese wrapped around the prongs.  _

_ “Your family would be thrilled to know this.” _

_ “Pfft. Uncle probably pulled strings. Besides, with any luck, they’d be too focused on my sister-in-law’s pregnancy.” _

_ “James is going to be a father?” _

_ “I know right?” She returned to her sandwich, taking a small bite and swallowing before she spoke again. “Never thought he’d want one with how he complains about them all the time.”  _

_ Cavendish returned the datapad to her. “Any idea what the gender is?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ She shook her head. “They’re trying not to think about it until they’re in the second tri.” _

_ Understanding crept across his face. “Makes sense after the miscarriage. But you’re excited, right?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Not sure. I should be, but I’m feeling more anxious than anything. And if I accept the offer, chances are I won’t be able to see the little one for a while. And you know what James is like.” _

_ “Aye. Proud to have you as his sister.” _

_ “Proud is certainly an understatement.” She set the crusts down onto her plate and sat back in her seat. “He’d end up making me larger than life so his family would be too terrified to talk to me. Makes me a little sad actually.” _

_ “Pish.” The male leaned forward, the striking green of his eyes darkening. “Vivienne will keep the man in check. She’s not an admiral’s daughter for nothin’. You’re amazin’ an’ deserve the galaxy. Let yourself be excited over it, not weigh you down.” _

_ “Alright, Caelen. I hear you. But eventually, I’m going to think you’re flirting with me.” _

_ “What if I am?” _

_ “Then I'll have to reject your advances.” _

_ “Amaya beat me to it?” _

_ Phoenix shook her head in amusement. “No, but I see why you think that. We’re just friends, nothing more and nothing less. I’m not looking for a relationship right now and I value you as a friend. Almost like a brother.” _

_ Cavendish feigned hurt. “Almost?” _

_ “If I gave you a promotion on that front I’d be suspected for giving preferential treatment to a subordinate, now that I’m a Lieutenant-Commander, and it would go straight to your head.” Phoenix stood from her seat. "Look, I'll think about attempting the initial N test.” _

_   
_ _ The Lieutenant sighed. “You’re skilled enough to wipe the floor with them.” _

_   
_ _ “No pressure.” _

_   
_ _ “I’m just saying you’re more than capable.” _

_ _______ _

Phoenix stared at the small photo on the desk, dated 1st July 2180. She had returned home after three years - N7 training was time intrusive and she could only contact her family through emails and video calls. She was stood in the centre, the red stripe decorated her right arm and the N7 was displayed on her chest. It was the second time she had worn the armour, the first being for a ceremony on Arcturus Station. On her left was James - clad in Alliance uniform with his hair styled back - and Vivienne, who wore a white dress with her blonde hair in a ponytail, with three-year-old Orianna within her father’s arms. To her right wads Rowan and Minerva. He had returned home from Uni for the summer, just finishing his second year of medical school, and he wore skinny jeans (navy) and a plain white t-shirt, half untucked. Minerva had just walked out of the school grounds, school shirt tucked into her trousers (held up with a plain, black belt), and her blonde hair was in a now messy, loose ponytail. Kassandra was knelt in front of Phoenix, knee-length skirt touching the floor, and she held up V for Victory. She was also in school uniform, exposing the scape to her shin - tripping whilst playing rounders, she called it. Her hair (dark enough to be considered black) came to her shoulders, freshly cut the night before, and she grinned so wide her cheeks must have hurt.

An otherwise heart-wrenching day, one of pain for most of the family, was made happy. They smiled instead of cry. They laughed and drank to success, rather than to the dead. But they did not forget. She did not forget the whole day. She had followed in her father’s footsteps, got further than he did. But he was always greater than her. And she saluted the photo of him she kept in her room -  _ This one’s for you, Dad. _

The chirping of birds reminded her of her task at hand, sat at the desk in her uniform with a throw blanket around her shoulders, tied at her neck like a medieval cape. She returned her gaze to the files Anderson had sent her the month before at the start of Shore Leave. It was mostly a refresher - something to read whilst she fretted about Kassandra’s L3 implant operation recovery - which had happened the day before. From the emails they had exchanged the night before, her anxiety had spiked yet again. But she could no longer do anything. A horrid thought that weighed on her chest. 

Behind her, sheets shifted. Her niece had been given permission to sleep there by her mother. Orianna had fallen asleep there and Phoenix didn’t want to wake her up by moving her - she had a long day under her belt, full of laughter and smiles. For the first time, Orianna wasn’t afraid of her. It was quite the opposite, in fact. When she asked Vivienne what she should do, she said it was okay for her to stay there that night:  _ “You’ll be going on another mission and she’ll miss you. It won’t hurt.”  _ She was an admiral’s daughter and knew all too well the importance of moments together.

It was currently seven in the morning. It was still dark out and she knew Orianna would be clinging to her. But she needed to be awoken. School was something she couldn’t afford to miss after she’d missed the final week of the school term from the flu. It was her first week back after the ten days of half-term and missing the first day wasn’t high on the agender.

Phoenix slowly stood from the desk (situated in front of the window, a little to the right of it upon walking into the room) and crept to the bed. She sat on the edge and softly traced Orianna’s hairline. The six-year-old seemed to shift and twitch, but nothing came of it.   
“Orianna.” A grumble of annoyance sounded from the little girl. “Wakey wakey, rise and shiny.”

Orianna frowned and Phoenix moved her hand away. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes. “I don’ wanna go to school.”

“I know, but it’ll get harder to go back the longer you leave it.” Phoenix gently smiled. “Your mum’s just started on breakfast.

“Okay. You’ll brush my hair, right, Aunty?”   
  
“If that’s what you want, yeah.” The blonde showed a sleepy smile and clambered out of bed and out of the room with narrowed eyes from the lights, to get ready for her day. “I’ll be downstairs, okay?”

“Okay!”

_______

The cool autumn wind numbed her cheeks and nose whilst she waited patiently at the school gate. Orianna, in her wisdom, had forgotten her lunch and it was agreed that she would give it to her at lunchtime. Rain was in the air, a sense she seemed to have retained from her years in the countryside, and she assumed that Orianna would sooner be given her lunch inside. But it was a fact that seemed incorrect.

School bells rang and children piled out of classrooms one by one. She saw Orianna off in the distance, pointing in her direction. Her lilac coat was hard to miss, the sleeves too long and hod too big. Her run was more akin to a sprint and the teachers on duty, who had been alerted to her presence, allowed her into the playground. She wondered how people would react, considering she wore her armour with the emblazoned N7 insignia on her chest. There was some talk, but the children were most excited to see her. Even if they didn’t know who she was.   
  
She knelt to the ground once Orianna was in front of her and arms were thrown around her neck with tears and sobs.

“Why the tears, Orianna?”   
  
“Happy.”   
  
“To see me or to have your lunch, hm?” Phoenix set the lunchbox down and cupper her niece’s cheeks, wiping away the tears with her thumb. She was smiling, and then the sadness came in. The same one from the morning. “Remember what I said this morning?”   
  
“You’ll try to talk to me every day. And you’ll send me pictures. And videos. And drawings. And stories…” A sniff. “And you’ll miss me so much.”

“And?”   
  
“Whenever I miss you and you’re not available, hold Snuffles the Bunny to my chest.” Snuffles was a toy rabbit she had got for her as an early birthday gift. She loved it instantly.   
  
“Be good, okay?”

“I will.”

____

Phoenix knelt in front of her locker, finally on board The Normandy SR-1. She should have been excited, but she was on edge. For a simple test, it sure seemed (and sounded) like there was something a lot more peculiar around the corner. Secrets not even Anderson was willing to tell her, which was bizarre in and of itself.   
She shook her head and stood once more. It was probably nothing. And if it was something, she’d find out in due course. But it was weighing on her mind - more than these scenarios usually did. She knew they had a Turian spectre joining them. That was the suspicious part. She had worked with a spectre before - out on the very edge of council space - so it wasn't working with one that made her wonder what the  _ real  _ mission was. It was their presence on a shakedown run. It made very little sense to her. 

Not that fretting about it would improve the situation, or make her question any less. Speculating rarely led to positive outcomes, or answers that she wanted. It was best to wait it out. She was probably overthinking it - nerves of being on a new ship had given her a poor night's sleep (she slept eight hours but the quality of it was low) and she supposed the worry for her youngest sister had done very little to help.

Phoenix had told Kassandra she would find some way to help, knowing a biotic on her crew. Just a minute before, he had approached her, she asked, he accepted. She’d known Staff-Lieutenant Alenko for nearly a year - not well enough to be close friends, but they had spoken multiple times before. This would be their first time actually working together as part of the same shore party, however. It was nice to work with someone she knew for once.

“Commander?” She turned her head as she stood and closed her locker. One of the crew was stood at the wall in front of the stairs. “You’re needed on the bridge.”

  
“Thank you for letting me know.” Perhaps she’d find answers to her suspicions.

____

“The Arcturus Prime Relay’s in range. Initiating transmission sequence.”

She walked past crew members, apologising for any accidental contact, as she walked through the CIC. Corporal Jenkins, another whom she’d be working with, greeted her with a simple ‘Commander’ and she nodded her head in reply. “Corporal.” She continued walking, however, having spied the Turian Spectre. 

“We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination. The rely is hot. Acquiring approach vector. All stations secure for transit.” She stopped at the cockpit and rested a hand against an empty chair. Mass Relay jumps often gave her nerves - the first time she experienced one, the jump itself made her stomach lurch. It was mostly due to a multitude of reasons, such as hunger and wearing off Adrenaline for the escape of Mindoir. But each time she was on a new ship, there was always a worry that it wouldn’t be a particularly smooth experience.    
“The board is green. Approach run has begun… Hitting the relay in three… two… one.”

And then it happened. A brief moment of weightlessness in her legs, as if she was going to faint, and then it was back. She lifted her hand off the seat and folded her arms.   
“Thrusters, check. Navigation, check. Internal emission sync engaged. All systems online.” Phoenix listened to Joker, the pilot, and internally nodded in acknowledgement. “Drift? Just under fifteen hundred k.”

His file noted him as the best pilot in the Alliance fleet. She could see why.

  
“Fifteen hundred is good.” Nihlus spoke, stoic like any Turian she’s had the pleasure (if it could be called that with how some of them hated humans on principle) to work with. “Your captain will be pleased.”

She moved to one side to let him leave and there was a moment of quiet in the cockpit. “I hate that guy.”

  
“Nihlus gave you a compliment. So… you hate him.”

  
Phoenix straightened and put her hands behind her back whilst Joker and Kaidan, who was currently in the co-pilot seat, continued their conversation. “Remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That’s good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that’s incredible. Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don’t like having them on board. Call me paranoid.”

“You’re paranoid.” Phoenix had to bit the inside of her lower lip to keep her composure as the Staff-Lieutenant retorted. “The council helped fund this project, they have a right to end someone to keep an eye on their investment.”

“Yeah, that’s the official story. And only an idiot believes the official story.”

“Joker’s got a point.” She spoke up then, eyes narrowed as her suspicions grew once again. “They don’t send spectres on shakedown runs. That’s like sending the army to capture a thief.”

“So there’s more going on than the Captain’s letting -”

The comm sounded, interrupting Joker with Anderson’s voice. “Joker, status report.”

“Just cleared the Mass Relay, Captain. Stealth systems are engaged everything looks solid.”

“Good. Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime.”

“Aye-Aye, Cap’n. Better brace yourself, Sir. I think Nihlus is heading your way.”

“He’s already here, Lieutenant.” Phoenix internally rolled her eyes at the hint of anger in Anderson’s tone. “Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the Comm room for a mission debriefing.” The comm went silent.

“Did you hear that, Commander?”

“Yeah. He sounded angry.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Something must have gone wrong with the mission.”

The pilot scoffed. “The Captain always sounds like that when he’s talking to me.”   
  
“Can’t possibly imagine why.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, I’ll see what he wants and try to find some answers in the process.”

____

Upon entering the comm room, it was empty with the exception of Niluhs. She thought it strange. Anderson calls her to the Comm Room, Nihlus was with him. Where was Anderson? The Turian had his back to the door, then he turned. “Commander, I hoped you’d get here first. It will give us a chance to talk.”

Suspicion raised higher and her jaw tensed. She relaxed it a little, though the raised brow of confusion did little to hide the emotion. “I thought you were with Anderson.”

“He’s on his way. Had to deal with something first.” It felt like the Turian was about to interrogate her, the way he began to pace. “I’m intrigued about this world we’re going to. Eden Prime. I hear it is quite beautiful.”

“I’ve never seen it but they say it’s a paradise.”

Before Nilhus could reply, or continue the conversation, the door opened. Anderson walked in. His expression was grave. Something had gone wrong. Or her suspicions were right on the money.    
“I think it’s time we tell the Commander what’s really going on.”

Nilhus seemed to switch then, turning more serious than he already seemed to be. “This mission is far more than a shakedown down.”

“I had my suspicions - Spectres aren’t sent for no reason.” She looked at Anderson. “So what aren’t you telling me, Sir?”

“We’re making a covert pickup operation on Eden Prime. That’s why we had stealth systems engaged upon arrival.”

“So why the need to disguise it as a shakedown run? What’s so important to pick up on Eden Prime?"

“A research team unearthed what they believe to be a Prothean Beacon. An  _ intact  _ Prothean Beacon.”

Phoenix’s eyes widened in surprise. “A fifty-thousand-year-old artefact? I’m surprised it’s still around with how much damaged archaeology we find.”

“It’s why we needed to keep it secret, Commander.”

“Okay. Makes sense. Council wants the Beacon for research, we have stealth systems, the council sends a Spectre to make sure everything’s safe.”    
  
“But there is another reason why I’m here, Shepard.” She looked at Nilhus as he spoke. “Spectres can recommend who else may join their ranks. I have put your name forward and the Council has asked me to work with you.”   
  
“Like a test to see if you get the grades?”   
  
“You could say that, yes.”

She nodded slowly, the information processing. “Okay. I see.”

“It stands to reason that you’ll lead the ground team. Secure the beacon and bring it back safely. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission.”   
  
“Just give the word, Captain, and we’ll be ready.”   
  
“Captain, we’ve got a problem.” Joker sounded from the comm. 

“What’s wrong, Joker?”

“Transmission from Eden Prime, Sir. You better see this.”

“Put it on screen.”

Phoenix straightened, eyes glued to the transmission that came through. Gunfire sounded, explosions followed. And then a man came onto the screen, an Alliance soldier.    
“We’re under attack. Taking heavy casualties.” She walked and stood next to Anderson. “I repeat. Heavy Casualties! We cant -” Another explosion, shaking earth. “... need evac. They came out of nowhere. We need - “ A sound unlike any she had heard before. Her eyes narrowed in discomfort, the noise made her body tense. He fell to the floor, more than likely dead, and, in his place, she saw a ship rise - or land - at the colony. It looked like it had some kind of electricity emanate from its hull and it didn’t match any ship she’d seen in her studies of spacecraft. In front, unknown creatures - humanoid but… grey with what seemed to be synthetic material - ran. Then… nothing.

“Everything cuts out after that. No comm traffic at all. Just goes dead. There’s nothing.” 

“Reverse and hold at thirty-eight point five.” The video reversed, then stopped. That ship. She counted what seemed to be five legs. Or maybe four and an odd-looking neck and head from the camera angle. No, it had to be five legs. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it screamed bad news. And her instincts told her it wasn’t anything in the Milky Way. Unless it was an undiscovered species, coming into space just as Humans had mere decades ago.   
“This mission just got a lot more complicated.”

Nihlus’ eyes remained on the screen, thinking what she assumed everyone else in the room was. “A small strike team can move quickly without drawing attention. It’s our best chance of securing the beacon.”

“Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold.” Nihlus began to walk away, she assumed to gear up. “Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up. We’re going in.”   


“Yes, Sir.” She gave a salute and made haste. 

It was going to be quite an… interesting start of the day.


	6. In search of the Beacon

She rolled her head from her right shoulder to her left, then back as she waited. The caffeine from her cup of tea had worked away any tiredness. She almost forgot she had little sleep until she yawned into her elbow. It was quick, quiet and no one seemed to notice. She’d have a good sleep at the end of the day - so to speak - and as focused on her duty as ever. She looked over her assault rifle, her sniper and her shotgun. They looked fine, aimed fine and were well looked after. She maintained them regularly - on a ship, no one knew who would attack at any moment. Pirates, Batarians, unknown species attacking human colonies. The maintenance of a weapon was the difference between life and death in the field. 

  
She would be lying if the quick check wasn’t partly due to nerves. It was a constant before landing for a mission - nothing that didn’t pass, nor anything like the first few missions she went on. She was grateful she wasn’t trembling and it was merely a slight increase in her pulse’s rhythm that remained. What lied ahead was unknown - no enemy profiles, no knowledge of what to expect. She could only assume there was a bloodbath - a sight she had never grown used to. She doubted she ever would. News like that was always the first cause of worry. So she focused harder.   
  
_ Keep your eyes on the mission, save who you can, do your best. Any life saved is better than no lives.  _ She repeated it to herself like a mantra - five times within her head with her eyes closed and breaths steady. And when she opened them, her nerves were settled. Beside her, the Staff-Lieutenant was stood beside her and next to him was Jenkins.

  
Jenkins grew up on the colony and she was surprised to see him more willing to  _ see some action  _ than concern about the colonists. Knowing young recruits, however, it was more than likely an act. Some kind of ‘macho’ stupidity that made little difference in the battlefield, or on one’s ability to serve. Humanity, dedication and integrity were what made a soldier. They should serve to protect, save and defend. It was commonplace to have the itch to go out onto the field, however. She experienced it herself - albeit in a less violent way - and she knew from first-hand experience that whoever gives the orders influences a young recruit’s development.

James had a less than stellar experience, which had resulted in a less than charming nickname for him. He was feared amongst the Alliance, despite being the opposite of the rumours. For simply following orders He vowed to himself at his promotion that he would never repeat those mistakes and be proud enough to know when he had a personal investment in a mission and act accordingly. 

Jenkins had a kind heart, and it couldn’t be allowed to harden as she felt James’ had. She hoped this first mission - no matter how jarring - would embed the importance of saving whoever could be saved. Being angry was inevitable, being upset was fine, but it was how one used those emotions that mattered. 

“Corporal, what is our main objective?”   
  
“Locate the Beacon, secure its safety, Ma’am.”   
  
Phoenix felt her lips quirk in a smile. “Well done, Corporal. “ And then her expression returned to pure concentration, eyes narrowed. “When the door lowers, be ready for anything. We don’t know what’s attacking. We can only assume they’re after the beacon. Do not be afraid to ask survivors if they know anything that could help us.”

“I see you’ve already given your team the mission briefing.” Anderson’s voice sounded from behind her as the hatch began to open. “Try to keep the Beacon intact, Commander.”

“That’s the plan, Sir.”

Nilhus joined them as she readied her assault rifle, the wind hitting her face. Her eyes narrowed further in response. The ground of Eden Prime could be seen, the fire and smoke of the colony. If she breathed too deeply, she could almost taste its acridity.

“Remember, your team is the muscle in this operation.. Go in heavy and head straight for the dig site.”

“What about survivor’s, Captain?” There was the concern from Jenkins that she was waiting for. It was refreshing to see.

“Helping survivors is a secondary objective. The beacon site is our top priority. Good luck, Shepard. “

“We’re going to need it, Sir.”   
  
“What about Nihlus?” Jenkin’s looked past her and at the Turian spectre, who checked over his rifle and stepped off The Normandy. 

“I work faster on my own.”

Phoenix nodded in acknowledgement as he walked ahead. “Good luck.” Her words were quiet, uncertain if she should say them any louder. She followed suit, waiting for her team. The Normandy’s door closed and the frigate left, leaving her, Alenko and Jenkins. “Helping the survivors may be our secondary objective, but we do not sacrifice lives. We save who we can.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Aye-Aye, Commander.”

She walked ahead, scanning her surroundings constantly, alert. Trees towered above the colony, boughs still in the gentle breeze. It was quiet apart from their footsteps and the remnants of fires - now simple embers. It was too still for her liking, hearing everything. Like walking through the remnants of a battle, lost and won, with fields empty with the exception of the dead, abandoned, left for nature to take its hold.   
In front of her as she came down the hill, left alone to bob and graze, was an unknown fauna to her. Despite her attempts to read up on the flora and fauna of the colony during her break, very little sunk into her memory. She supposed that was her own fault, leaving until the final day and reading in the middle of the night.   
  
“What are those things?”   
  
“Gasbags, Sir. They’re completely harmless.”   
  
She hummed at the conversation, thankful that it wasn’t going to be in silence. “Jenkins, I read that if their bag is pierced they explode. Is that true?”   
  
“I wouldn’t know, Commander. I’ve never wanted to find out.”

“They remind me of something similar on Mindoir. Not bags of gas, and a lot smaller. About the size of a bee. The bag reminds me of when the females would have their children grown. My brother killed a few when he was a young kid - enjoyed watching the bag pop and the transparent babies crawl away and eat her body. “   
  
“Remind me not to get on his bad side, Ma’am.”   
  
She laughed a little. “No need to worry, Alenko. I’m pretty sure he grew out of that stage. Disgusting though.”

“Did you do anything like that?”   
  
“No, Jenkins. The only way I killed bugs was accidentally standing on them. Always felt bad after.”   
  
“Couldn’t see you doing anything unethical.”

  
She couldn’t help but smile at Kaidan’s words. “I hope I keep that image, Lieutenant.” Her expression hardened at the glimpse of a drone.

She held up her hand and stared for a moment. She gestured to cover, ordering them to take it, and she pressed her back to a boulder. She peered around the side, scanning once again. The drones were turned away from the party. Move quick enough, they’d be gone before they could alert anyone to their presence. In Jenkins’ direction, she held up her hand and a moment later - to be sure they weren’t heading towards them - she gestured him to move forward. Another boulder was in front. All he had to do was get there, cover and wait for further instruction.

The drones whirled around and she cursed under her breath. “Corporal, get into cover!” He was too far, the drones too close. Bullets tore through the air, almost deafening to hear, and then silence. A second later she peeked around the corner - Jenkins was down, blood pooling beneath him. “Dammit.” The two drones hovered, another wave of bullets. She quickly hid, narrowly dodging the onslaught. “Lieutenant, can you do something with your omni-tool to stall the drones?”   
  
“I can try to overload their systems.”

“Do what you can. We’re sitting ducks out here.” It was in times like this that she wished she had a knack for technology beyond the basics. But sabotaging weapons, overloading systems and shields, hacking, decrypting… it all went over her head, no matter how many times her mother had tried to teach her. 

Small, quick beeps sounded and the gunfire stopped. Phoenix swiftly peered out from behind cover, aiming down the sight of her rifle, and buried bullets into a synthetic - unable to fight back. It fell quickly. Biotics flared beside her and the second drone was sent flying back, hitting a third. Both hit a tree with force, exploding on impact. She watched with bated breath, the tree remained standing and the air grew silent once more. Her eyes darted to the Corporal and she rushed to his side. She pressed her fingers to his neck - just below the curve his jaw - and waited. She looked at Kaidan after a moment, silent, and shook her head.   
  
He was as unsurprised as she was, but the pain was clear. He looked away, knelt opposite her, and his jaw was tense. “He never stood a chance. Ripped right through his shields.”   


She closed Jenkins’ eyes, the lifelessness within them finally hidden. It was yet another lost to her command. “When this is over, he’ll get a proper burial. Preferably where he grew up, if it’s possible.” Phoenix clasped the Lieutenant’s shoulder. “We need to focus on the mission, for now. We’ll come back for him.”   
  
“Aye-Aye, Ma’am.”

She stood with a sigh. This mission wasn’t meant to be a fight. There wasn’t meant to be synthetics. He wasn’t meant to die. Her grip tightened on her rifle. “Come on. We shouldn’t be too far away from the dig site. We should be able to see it beyond this woody outcrop. Keep your eyes and ears out for drones. Little bastards seem to camouflage well.”

“Or blind us when we’re looking at our surroundings. A wonderful way to die - blinded so you don’t see what coming until it happens.”

“On the plus side, it means we  _ can  _ see them.”   
  
“True. So long as we don’t die first.”   
  
She rolled her eyes in amusement. “Let’s hope we don’t.”   
  


____

The glint of metal caught her attention. She followed it until she was at the very hedge she stood in front of, dog tags in her hand. The chain was worn and the tags were scratched. Her brows furrowed, already narrowed eyes in curiosity switching to confusion. The name on the tags had no business on Eden Prime. He was in the Voyager system, tracking down a rogue N7 operative. As far as she was aware, the mission was of great importance. If he was, indeed, here, as the discovery of his dog tags suggested, then it would mean one of four things: the mission was successful, the mission was a failure and called off, the operative was behind the attack on the colony.   
  
“Evidence of what’s going on, Ma’am?”

  
Phoenix shook her head as she walked away from the hedgerow. “Unfortunately, no. Dog tags of a name I didn’t want to see lying around. And who shouldn’t be here.” She slipped the identification into the pocket on her right hip as if it was second nature for her to collect lost tags. “Hopefully we find him.”   
  
She felt Kaidan’s questioning gaze on the side of her head. “You know who it is?”   
  
“You could say that.” She inclined her head. “Let’s go. Dig site’s just up ahead. If there are any survivors, they might be able to shed some light on the situation.”   
  


____

_ One. Two. Three. _

The gunfire stopped and she came out from cover. With a pull of the trigger, the torch of the Geth went out and it fell to the ground. Another was lifted into the sky - shot down. The synthetics created a barrier and she peppered it with bullets with silent focus. The blue hue became red, then the Geth was dead. They may have caught them by surprise but had learned a valuable lesson in the past half an hour: act fast.   
  
“Commander, I hope this isn’t what you meant by shedding light on the situation.”

“It isn’t but they do shed light on the situation: the colony is less okay than I had previously hoped.” She threw a grenade as another wave of the synthetics came in. The explosion sounded and the Geth were sent flying back. A few stood up from the explosion and the beep of her assault rifle had her sighing. “Alenko, think you can suspend a few in the air?” She switched to her sniper and was quickly rewarded with suspended synthetics, floating aimlessly. One trigger. Two triggers. Three triggers. They were taken down with calculation, shots that she thought would miss hitting their target - even if it was just clipped. A few moments passed before she stood, returning her sniper to the back of her left shoulder. The only survivor they had come across from the colony’s attack thus far was a female soldier. She seemed shaken, unsurprisingly.

“Gunnery-Chief Ashley Williams of the two twelve. Are you the one in charge here ma’am?”

Phoenix reached to the back of her right shoulder, taking her assault rifle just in case more turned up. “What happened here? Are you injured?”   
  
“A few scrapes and burns, nothing serious. We were about to transport the Beacon to the spaceport when we got attacked. We held our position as much as we could until the Geth overwhelmed us.”

“The Geth haven’t been seen outside the Perseus veil in nearly two-hundred years” Kaidan stated, confusion - or curiosity - barely audible, but noticeable in the slight furrow of his brows. “Why are they here now?”   
  
Ashley shrugged. “They must have been after the Beacon. The Dig Site isn’t, too far,” and she pointed to her right, “just over that rise. It might still be there.”

Phoenix thought for a moment with a hum of acknowledgement. “If they are after the Beacon, I doubt it would still be there with how held up we’ve been. But we may be able to find out why they want it, what they’ve done with it, and where they’re taking it.” It was spoken more to herself whilst also addressing the other officers. “However this mission pans out, we could use your help, Williams.”   
  
“Aye-Aye, Ma’am. It’s time for payback.” She was eager, perhaps a little... pissed. She couldn’t blame the Gunnery-Chief, losing a squad like that, being the only one left. That’s an experience no one wants to suffer. It was hard enough on higher-ranked officers, but lower ranks shouldn’t be suffering from that responsibility. But in attacks like this, there was rarely any higher authority   
  
“One more thing: was there another squad due to arrive either today or earlier?”   
  
“Uh, yeah. This morning, about nine standard Earth time. Came to help secure the Beacon. I don’t know what happened to the Commander’s squad, or him. One minute they were at the Dig Site, the next… they were gone.”

  
“It doesn’t look good for the owner of those tags, Commander.”   
  
“Or for the Beacon. Come on, let’s move.”

  
____

The dig site was empty, with the exception of some Geth that they took down quickly enough. A few dead bodies lingered on the ground, faces paused in terror and pain. A few of the faces she recognised - a few she had served with many years ago, others she saw in passing. Dragon’s teeth - if she recalled their names right - were littered around the area: tech they assumed to belong to the Geth. Their bases were four feet in the shape of a rhombus and from the centre there were spikes. Phoenix looked at them and her stomach churned. She swallowed thickly. Some had been impaled on the spikes just as the team had turned up - the Geth holding them as if... cradling the living before  _ BAM!  _ Impaled.  “How could the Geth do this?”   
  
“Makes sense: Geth aren’t exactly organics. They probably don’t feel the way we do about this.”   
  
Phoenix sighed. “But they are AI. They’d hopefully know it was wrong.” She shook her head, eyes somehow watching the man they saw get impaled change in front of her whilst another had barely changed. “Explains what those zombie-type things were on the transmission: humans that became synthetic. It seems alive targets transform quicker than those were are dead.”

The Gunnery-Chief scoffed. “Are you suggesting this is what happened to our soldiers?”   
  
“And to our colonists. We’d have no choice but to destroy these to make sure whatever they become doesn’t terrorise the colonists anymore than they Geth have. And I need your focus to be on the mission, Williams. It angers me, too, but we cannot afford clouded judgement here. Where do you think they would have taken the Beacon?”

“I don’t know, Ma’am. The spaceport - maybe - at the main colony. It’s just a train stop away.”

“Hopefully Nihlus will find it before we do, Commander.”   
  
“Considering the hostile forces he’s left for us, he’s other well ahead of these Geth or he’s not made it very far. Hopefully, there’ll be some survivors in a prefab somewhere.”

“Or the Geth would have broken in and turned them into those things.”   
  
“Colonists have their ways, Chief. Until I have evidence to believe otherwise, there are survivors somewhere.” She wasn’t angered at Ashley’s deduction and her tone remained level. It would make sense to expect no survivors in all this chaos - it seemed detrimental to believe otherwise. But she would never give up on a colony. She never gave up on Mindoir. Never gave up on Elysium, even if only three of the original Alliance garrison survived. She wasn’t going to give up on Eden Prime, either. Not when there was still a chance of survivors. It may have been a secondary objective, but to her, it was just as important as the main. If there was a chance of re-establishing the colony, there would need to be survivors.   
“Let’s head into the colony expect those… husks. In the transmission, they charged so keep them away from you.”

  
______

  
She was taken by surprise. She heard the sheathing of metal, far too similar to that dreadnaught on the transmission. Her blood turned cold and curdled at the inhuman noise. She spun on her heel, shields beeping. They’d been bypassed by an electrical current far stronger than she had experienced before, and she staring at two bright blue eyes - lights juxtaposing grey skin. A fist connected with her cheek and she fell to the floor, assault rifle falling from her grasp and sliding across the floor. Her hand squeezing the throat of the creature was the only thing keeping it away from her enough, head constantly moving to dodge its hands. She felt the burning of bile in her throat as she struggled.

_ Mindoir flashed back in front of her eyes - Batarians had caught her just before she had reached the school, laughing and pinning her to the floor with snears. She was held in place, head held still by a tight grip, and then the knife came, glinting against the firelight, shining in the sun. It sliced her left cheek, from the base of her cheekbone to her jaw at a twenty-degree angle.  _

“Commander!” Phoenix tilted her head back as far as she could and a bullet went through the husks head. She quickly pushed it off her, grabbed her shotgun from the small of her back as she sat up, and shot at the next creature. Her chest heaved and her heart pounded against her ribs. She felt her pulse in her neck. Another husk flew through the sky and hit the floor with a thud.

A hand was outstretched in front of her and she took it gratefully and she was pulled up. “Are you okay, Ma’am?”   
  
“Yeah.” She followed the line of her scar as if expecting it to bleed. It was sore, the bone throbbing, and she knew it would be tender for a little while. “Nothing an ice pack won’t fix. What about you and Williams?”   
  
“A little shaken, Ma’am.” Ashley rolled her shoulders back. “But ready to give them hell.”   
  
“If the Geth wanted to terrify us, they sure have a good motive for the colonists to run and never return. Just in case they want to come back for a Prothean settlement or something.”   
  
“Use our own against us by turning them into monsters. One hell of a fear tactic.” Phoenix looked at her surroundings, ignoring the husks on the floor, and eyed the prefab. “Maybe someone’s in there and can give us a few answers.”

A door slid open and a woman walked down the hill. “Thank god, someone’s here to help. We’ve been trapped inside for what feels like hours.”

Phoenix felt relief wash over her and she turned the woman around, heading back to the prefab. No one needed to see the dead. “We’re the team meant to secure the beacon. We got the distress call and came as quickly as we could. Do you know anything about what’s going on?”

The woman shook her head. “No. But ever since we discovered the Beacon we’ve had nothing but trouble. We expected it with how rare finding a beacon is, let alone an undamaged one. But we never expected this. They just came out of nowhere.” Once inside the prefab, she sighed shakily.   
  
“It’s okay. We’ll protect you.”   
  
“Thank you. I think we’re okay now. It looks like everyone’s gone.” Beside her was a man, slouched, tense, eyes searching everywhere, fingers fidgeting.

“You’re Doctor Warren, the one in charge of the excavation.” Ashley had returned to calm, different to the soldier on the field. “Do you know what happened to the Beacon?”

The woman nodded and Phoenix looked at the Doctor as she spoke. “Yes. It was moved to the spaceport this morning. Manuel and I stayed behind to help pack up the camp. When the hen the attack came, the marines held them off long enough for us to hide. They gave their lives to save us.” Remorse mixed with guilt and gratitude laced her voice, but her assistant - the man she assumed was Manuel, seemed to believe differently.

“No one is saved. The age of humanity is ended. Soon, only ruin and corpses will remain.” 

Phoenix couldn’t help but sigh internally - the words were that of a madman, but with what he had just recently seen it didn’t surprise her he would have this reaction if he already had mental health issues.

“I’m sorry for Manuel. He has a brilliant mind, but he’s always been a bit… unstable. Genius and madness are two sides of the same coin.”

“Is it madness to see the future? To see the destruction rushing towards us? To understand there is no hope? No escape?” He shook his head. “No. I am not mad. I’m the only sane one left.”

His admission seemed sad. As if he truly believed there wasn’t hope. She could see it in his expression, in his eyes.

“I gave him an extra dose of his meds after the attack.”   
  
Phoenix nodded. “It’s okay. You don’t have my line of work and never experience the traumatised. “ She knew survivors who ended up the same way after Mindoir, Elysium, slavery. She was surprised it didn’t happen to her. “Do you know why the Geth would be after the Beacon?”

Warren shook her head. “No. It’s some kind of data module from a galaxy-wide communications network. Remarkably well-preserved. Could be the greatest scientific discovery of our lifetime. It could contain new technologies, groundbreaking medical advances. The possibilities are endless.” A sigh. “I doubt anyone other than organics ould find it useful.”

Phoenix nodded. “A squad came this morning to help with the Beacon. Have you seen them?”

She thought for a moment. “Yes. The Lieutenant-Commander helped us escape here to the shed. He said that his sister was on the way. I don’t know if you’re her, but… I’m glad he was right when he said help was coming.”

Phoenix felt the warmth of quiet pride and the chill of silent worry within her chest. “Thank you for the help, Doctor Warren. The coast isn’t completely clear so stay here for a few hours. Hopefully, Alliance reinforcements will be here soon.”

Walking out of the shed was full of hyper-awareness. Her vigilance before hadn’t been perfect and it had nearly cost her.

She felt questioning eyes on her and she looked at the Gunnery-Chief with the same expression. “Something on your mind?”   
  
“Doctor Warren mentioned that the Commander said his sister was on the way. She’s you, right?”

Phoenix felt the chill of worry once more. “Apparently so.” And she pulled the dog tags from her pocket. The name glared at her and she glared back. “He should be in the Voyager Cluster. If we find him alive, he has some explaining to do.”


	7. Beacons and Visions

Her ears hurt and her body stiffened. She turned cold, a shiver travelling down her spine. It was that damn dreadnought again, towering over the colony on the Horizon. Phoenix stared at it as if it was a simple nuisance - as if her body wasn’t screaming in discomfort. In person, she could truly see it’s scale. It reminded her of a beech tree in shape, albeit a little narrower, and she once again went to counting its legs as it lifted from the colony. 

  
_ Jesus, that’s not good. _

“What the hell is that thing?”

  
“I have no idea. I saw it on the transmission - doesn’t match anything we’ve seen.”   
  


“Think it’s Geth?”

  
She shook her head. “I’d like to say no.” Where it once remained, in its place was destruction. “Geth ships don’t create that.” Fires seemed to rage in the distance. “But I’m not going to rule it out.” Phoenix point head with the small tilt of her assault rifle.”Seems to be the station. If the Lieutenant-Commander made it this far, there’s a chance there’ll be survivors.” A gunshot echoed through the valley and she darted her eyes across the field. The air returned to stillness but she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on edge.    
  
“That didn’t sound good.”   
  
“Sure as hell didn’t sound like Geth.”   
  
As her team talked she switched to her sniper and positioned herself at the edge of the hill, behind a crate. She could see the station below, small but large enough for the small settlement. She looked through the scope and pursed her lips - she couldn’t see whoever caused the commotion other than the flash of a hoverboard. Geth, however, littered the place and dragon’s teeth were yet another obstacle.   
  
And then she saw it. Her blood ran cold. Her finger touched the trigger and he signalled the other two humans to take cover. A Geth was dagging a semi-conscious solder across the floor by his foot, towards one of the inactive dragon’s teeth. She recognised his face, the volume of which he struggled, and her expression hardened to one of steel.

The echo of the bullet driving through the air came after the Geth hit the floor.

She straightened at the sight of the Dragon’s teeth falling. As she switched to her shotgun she rolled her shoulders back. “Make sure they don’t dag that soldier anywhere near the teeth. I’ll keep them off you.”

  
Phoenix stalked down the hill, shotgun decimating husks as they approached. One got close, jumping at her. But she was prepared this time. Despite the near override of her shields, she sidestepped out to her left and took the creature by the neck. A quick force down to the ground against a rock and it was gone. Bullets went over her head as she made haste, enemies lasting very little. Her shields recharged quickly, any Geth bullet causing very little damage. Not that it would have mattered with the amount of adrenaline that coursed through her veins, almost numb to the feeling of her cheek throbbing. A throw had sent Geth flying over the edge. And without warning another practically anded on her. She pushed the synthetic aside In front of her was the very soldier that had once been dragged. He was scratched up with grazes, facial hair stuck out in ways it shouldn’t have been, and the familiar blue eyes so similar to hers relaxed from their hardened state.

  
“About time you showed your asses.” He grinned. “Holding the fort on my lonesome wasn’t exactly the greatest experience in my life.”

Phoenix scoffed as she put her shotgun back on the small of her back, the rest of her team coming from behind. She pulled the dog tags from her pocket. “You’re welcome for saving you from being a husk. Not that it would downgrade your looks that much.”

  
An armoured hand took the dog tags from her grasp and hooked them over his neck. Dark hair was ruffled from it’s previously styled back position, his brows misshapen from the struggle, and his moustache (which was a thin horseshoe that continued along his jawline until the base of his ear) looked like it, too, had seen better days. “Look better than you.”

  
“Charming.” She looked around and frowned. In the centre of the platform laid a Turian. She knelt next to him, one left knee on the ground whilst she rested her weight on her right foot with her arm draped over its thigh. “So much for our Turian Spectre working better alone. 2 She hummed as she moved his head. “Gunshot to the back of the head. Must have been what we heard earlier.” And then her head spun onto her brother. “James, did you do this?”

“Hell no. I was out cold. I did see another Turian though when I started coming round again.”

“Hoverboard guy?”   
  


“Think so yeah.” He shrugged. “Not sure. I was trying to stop a smuggling ring with this guy called Powel. I had my omni-tool set to record It might have caught something. It got damaged though so I don’t know if it would have captured anything after I fell.”

  
“Better than nothing.” Phoenix stood. “And the smugging guy?”   
  
James showed a chesire grin. “Got some grenades - military grade. He went back to naping inside the storehouse. That was before the Geth arrived here and moved the Beacon over the train.”   
  
“You know that piece of information because…?”

  
“I was coming round when I watched it move. Duh. Then damn Geth started dragging me around. Asses.”   
  
“At least it was by your own brethren.” She looked him over. “Can you fight?”   
  
“Yeah. My pistol got thrown over the edge - “ He fell silent as she handed him her own. “What -”   
  
“I don’t use it. And with your rifle having seen better days,” she pointed to the damaged heat sync, “I’m sure you could something you can shoot with.”

  
“I have a sniper -”

  
“That you are awful at using. And your shotgun is hardly good at a distance, is it?”

  
James sighed, the scar on the arch of his right brow emphasising the cut to his brow bone and the furrowed creases. “Fine.” He took the weapon and put it on his right hip. “Are we going after the beacon now, Commander?”   
  


“What do you think we’ve been after this whole time?” She vaulted over the railing and the last thing she heard was a sigh from James.

  
“So, uh, you’re part of her crew. Is she like this to you guys?”   
  
“Only when she’s talking to you, Sir.”

  
______

  
“Alenko, disarm those charges, we’ve got you covered! Williams, focus on the shock troopers, James, keep them off Alenko, I’ve got the snipers.” It was the same with each charge - falling into a rhythm. James had nearly got himself into more trouble, going in all guns blazing with his shotgun and then running when he saw the husks. It had distracted her, causing her to grumble at the snapped out focus when she heard his calls for help at the swam he had induced himself.    
“James, keep your shields up!” She took a grenade from her waist and threw it in his rough direction. It detonated as soon as it came into contact with a husks head, spreading fire through their forms until they fell. She returned her focus to the snipers quickly.

“All the charges are disarmed, Ma’am.”   
  
“And the Geth and their zombie friends are no more. Phoenix, you should consider talking to Anderson about transferring Gunner Williams, here, to your crew. Her talent’s wasted here.”

It was with a roll of her eyes that she Commander stood. “You’re welcome for saving your ass, again, brother dearest.” And she gave him a pat on the back. “You would definitely get onto the N7 programme with those screams.”

  
A sigh as the crew followed behind her as she headed for the Beacon. “Not my finest moment, granted. My shotgun overheated. But I did see that other Turian - Saren. I recognised his face from some recent news. Horrid, just like every other Turian I’ve come across. I suspect he used the archaeology, got its secrets, and then left.”

“Great. We’ve got one dead spectre, a Turian who fills about every stereotype humans have created for them, and he has something from a fifty-thousand-year-old marvel. Just don’t let your xenophobia get in the way. We know you hate Turians.”

  
“Look, I don’t hate them as a species. Every single one I’ve come across - apart from one - has spat on me. I expect no different from him knowing his reputation.”   
  
Phoenix looked t him with a silent glower, voice barely raised. “And hating the whole race based on those twenty is absolutely ridiculous.” She sighed “Look, I’m not going to argue with you right now when we’re on duty.” and pressed her fingers to her earpiece. “Joker, we’re ready for pick-up. What’s your ETA?”

  
“Five minutes. Our scans picked up a massive reading of unknown signatures. Do we need to rush in?”   
  
“As long as it wasn’t heading in your direction you’ll be fine. Come in as usual.”

  
“Aye-aye, Commander.”

  
Her ears pricked at another noise over the sound of James and Ashley chatting, similar to white noise she knew Kassandra to listen to when her anxiety was bad. She rose a brow and turned in it’s direction. Something was happening with the beacon, some sort of intense -

She brought an arm in between the two and shoved James out of the way, knocking him onto his backside. She nearly tripped over his legs as she ran forward. Whatever the Beacon was doing, it was clear to her Kaidan would get the full blast if she did nothing. She didn’t know what that would lead to, what the consequence of that would be. But she had already lost one person to her command and she wasn’t prepared to lose anyone else to the unknown.

  
Some kind of force was pulling the Lieutenant in and it took more effort than it should have done to pull him back against it. She automatically felt it tugging at her, contracting every muscle in her body it felt like she had zero control over the actions and no time to react. No way of getting herself out of the situation and no time to panic.

Just let it happen until she was -

  
_ Screaming. Synthetics. Organics. Death. Images flared too fast, too hard for her to understand. The dreadnought she saw was visible, cogs and screws covered in what seemed to be tissue and muscle. Creams and screeches - deafening and chilling. Chaos. Loss. Prothean statues. War.  _

_   
_ _ A pause. A dark room. She was breathing heavily, hands tied behind her back. She looked down - she was in her armour, the metal blood-stained, and the only light was from a small window opposite her to allow daylight in. It was raining, lightning flashing in the darkness, thunder rumbling. She should have been scared… she was scared. More than scared. But she was N7. She’d been through hell. A flash of lightning revealed a face - no different to the husks - and in the background, she saw the dreadnought again. Another flash of lightning and the husk was gone, replaced by a red beam from the dreadnaught and another deafening sound, the building she was in shaking. _

_   
_ _ The scene changed again: screaming. Synthetics. Organics. Death. Images flared too fast, too hard for her to understand. The dreadnought she saw was visible, cogs and screws covered in what seemed to be tissue and muscle. Creams and screeches - deafening and chilling. Chaos. Loss. Prothean statues. War.  _

_   
_ _ Then nothing. Silence. Darkness. And the dreadnought, a red outline, heading for her with legs open as if to swallow her whole. _

_   
_ “Doctor Chakwas, she’s waking up.”

  
Eyes peeled open, sweat beading on her forehead, clinging to her back, stagnant at the bends of her knees. It took her a moment to adjust - eyes darting around the room. The med-bay. She felt her body relax and the throbbing in the back of her head felt like it could be dealt with using pain killers. She was exhausted mentally, she noted as she slowly sat up, hand to her forehead, and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She always was after a nightmare. The phantom emptiness she felt always took her back to that terrified sixteen-year-old with too much to process. She hated it.   
  
“You had us worried for a moment, Shepard.” The soothing voice of the Doctor eased her tension a little. “How do you feel?”

  
“Some minor throbbing. Nothing serious.” She lowered her arm and took the glass of water from Chakwas. Her throat was dry, voice hoarse. She cleared her throat and brought the glass to her lips. “How long was I out?”

  
“About fifteen hours.” Phoenix’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she took a swig of water. “Something happened down there with the Beacon, I think.”

  
“It’s my fault.” Kaidan’s voice appeared from behind and she turned her upper body to look at him. His arms were crossed and he spoke as if he had already decided it was his fault as soon as the ordeal happened. She looked at him, relaxing her expression considerably. She vaguely began to remember. “I must have triggered some kind of security field as I approached it. You had to push me out of the way.”    
  
“Kaidan, you had no way to know it would happen. Don’t blame yourself.” The Lieutenant smiled at her, grateful but shy. In response, she returned the gesture. It almost felt foreign - not that she never smiled, it was that she was more likely to smile as she spoke or laugh, not on its own. It always felt a little awkward, the way the corners of her mouth dimpled. 

  
“Actually, we don’t even know if that’s what set it off.” Phoenix’s expression relaxed again and she looked at the doctor. “Unfortunately we’ll never get the chance to find out.”

She raised a brow. “What happened?”   
  
“The beacon exploded.” Phoenix returned her gaze to Kaidan, following him as he walked closer. “A system overload, maybe. The blast knocked you cold.” He was in front of her, next to Chakwas. “Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship.”

  
“And James?”   
  
“He followed behind, in case of an ambush.”   
  
She nodded. “I appreciate it. Thank you.” And then her eyes were on Chakwas again as she continued.   
  
“You gave him quite the fright - wouldn’t leave you until the Captain forced him to rest in the sleeping pods, give you some space. You share more with your brother than you let on.” She sighed and folded her arms. “Physically you’re fine. But I detected some unusual brain activity - abnormal beta waves,” Phoenix was lost on that - she’d have to ask Rowan about them. “I also detected an increase in your rapid eye movement. Signs typically associated with intense dreaming.”

  
She furrowed her brows in thought. “I saw…” She shook her head with a sigh. “I don’t know what I saw. Death, destruction… Nothing’s really clear. Must have been a vision from the Beacon. It got interrupted - fractured. Probably in an attempt to process the information. But it just made it more confusing.”   
  
Chakwas hummed. “I better add this to my report. It may -” The door to the med bay opened and Phoenix got onto her feet almost begrudgingly. “Oh. Captain Anderson.”

  
She straightened, arms at her side.   
“How’s our XO holding up, Doctor?”

  
“All her reading’s look normal. I’d say our Commander’s going to be just fine.”   
  
“Glad to hear it.” Phoenix felt her stomach drop when Anderson looked at her. He seemed sombre. “Shepard, I need to speak with you. In private.”

  
Kaidan saluted. “Aye-Aye, Captain.” And he lowered his hand. “I’ll be in the mess if you need me.” Chakwas followed and Phoenix was left alone with the Captain.

The mission was important and it had ended in failure. A spectre was dead, one had gone rogue, and the beacon was destroyed. She half expected a lecture but one never happened.   
“Sounds like that Beacon hit you pretty hard, Commander. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just… I don’t like losing soldiers under my command. And Jenkins had so much to give. I feel like if I had done something different, he would still be here.”

  
Anderson stood next to her. “Jenkins wasn’t your fault. You did everything you could. Sometimes it’s not enough. And it’s never easy. But it wasn’t your fault what happened.”

  
“What of Gunnery Chief Williams? Is she on board or on the colony?”   
  
“Figured we could use a soldier like her. She’s been reassigned to the Normandy.”

  
Phoenix nodded. “I’m glad. She’s a good soldier. Deserves more than her post on Eden Prime.”   
  
“Lieutenant Alenko agrees with you. That’s why I added her to our crew. Lieutenant-Commander Shepard has also joined our crew - for the time being. Things look bad, Shepard - Nihlus is dead, Geth are invading, the beacon’s destroyed and the Council’s going to want answers. Any evidence your brother has captured on his omni tool will help us in the long run.”   
  
“Sir, we did everything in our power to get to the beacon. The Beacon could have gotten destroyed by anyone after Saren activated it first. The Council must be able to see that.”   
  
“I know. I’ll stand by you and your report. You’re a damn hero. But the Beacon isn’t the only thing the Council need to worry about. It’s Saren. The other Turian. He’s a Spectre, one of the Council’s best, and if he’s working for the Geth it means he’s gone rogue. He’s dangerous and he’s trouble and he hates humans.”

  
“Figures that it would be a Turian Spectre who hates humans that attacks one of our colonies.”   
  
Anderson sighed. “I don’t know how he sided with the Geth, or why, but it’s got to be something about that Beacon. Before it self-destructed, did you see anything that might tell us what Saren was after?”

  
Pheonix shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. Nothing substantial or that could be used against him. I had a vision - some kind of warning, maybe? There were synthetics - identical to the ship we saw on Eden Prime - and people getting slaughtered. Protheans, more than likely. There was Prothean architecture around. But it’s fractured. Nothing really makes sense. I can’t sully process it for any information we might have, other than that dang ship has been around since the Protheans, at least. And that’s not going to make it very fair in a trial. As far as the Council would see is it’s just a bad dream.”   
  
Anderson’s eyes narrowed. “We need to tell them, Commander. Who knows what information the Beacon stores: lost Prothean technology? Blueprints for a weapon of Mass Destruction? Whatever it is, Saren has it. And I know Saren, his morals, his policies, his ethics, his hatred for humans. This was an act of war. He has Prothean secrets, an army of Geth under his Command, and he won’t stop at Eden Prime.”

  
“Then we’ll find a way to stop him, but my vision isn’t considered Evidence even in human courts. We’d have to find solid proof to prove he’s gone rogue so the Council can revoke his status: if that even changes anything if he has an army of Geth and that damn ship on his side.”

  
“Now is not the time to lose your optimism, Shepard.”   
  
“I’m sorry, Sir. We’ll find the evidence we need and make them listen to us.”   
  
“I’ll contact the Ambassador so he can get us a hearing with the Council. He’ll want to see us as soon as we land. We should be getting close.”

“Aye-Aye, Sir.”

  
_____

  
She sat at the dining table and massaged her temples. It was too early for her - too soon. She had barely managed to get her head around everything before she was thrown into another situation. She was hungry, mentally drained, and her mind wasn’t slowing down, far too focused on trying to decipher the vision to notice what was going on around her.

  
A cup being set in front of her was what brought her out of her reprieve. Opposite her, she watched Kaidan sit, his own cup in hand. She blinked for a moment before she looked at her cup. From the looks of it, she could tell it was green tea. That was a good start. She touched the ceramic - perhaps it was still a little too warm to drink unless she wanted to burn her lip. But her hands were also cold. She lifted the cup to her mouth and took a sip.    
  
It was still a little too warm for her to drink for prolonged sips, but it wasn’t burning against her lip or tongue either. It was sweet, sweeter than what others would appreciate but just right for her, and she could taste the light floral of jasmine.   
“How did you know my favourite tea?”   
  
“It’s the only way you make it, Commander. And you’re quiet… particular with what you eat and drink.”

  
She quirked her lips up as she straightened in her seat. “Touché.” Another sip and a quiet hum of contentment. “It’s better than I make it. Thank you.”

  
She watched him quietly as she crossed her ankles beneath the chair. It was true. More often than not her tea wouldn’t be sweet enough and he’d have to drink the beverage with a suppressed, crinkled expression of hidden bitterness whilst writing her reports or replying to emails. Unless it really wasn’t sweet enough, which often caused amusement amongst the crew as she hastily stood and tipped sugar into her cup.  _ Commander, I think you just created syrupy tea. ‘Better than no sugar.’  _ Some would judge her for her inability to drink green tea - or hot chocolate - without sugar. But it was the only way she could drink them - otherwise, the only way she’d ingest caffeine was with energy drinks.   
  
“You’re welcome.” Kaidan’s back straightened and he took a sip of his own drink - coffee. She could smell it from her seat. “I’m glad to see you’re okay, Commander. Losing Jenkins was tough on the crew. I’m glad we didn’t lose you, too.”

Her heart sank at the mention of the Corporal. She’d lost people under her Command before - she was as used to it as she supposed she could get, but never like that. Never instant. Never before they could shoot back.    
“Things did get pretty rough down there, huh.”   
  
“Yeah, you never get used to seeing dead civilians. Doesn’t seem right, somehow. But,” another sip of coffee, “at least you managed to stop Saren and the Geth from wiping out the whole colony.”   
  
She shook her head. “Nu-uh, Alenko.  _ We  _ managed to stop Saren and the Geth. I couldn’t have done it without you.”   
  
He seemed to turn shy, although it wasn’t clear in his voice. She assumed he wasn’t used to compliments. Or being considered as part of a team. “We’re marines. We stick together. And I’m just… sorry we lost Jenkins.”

Pheonix nodded and set her cup down, eyes finding the liquid easier to look at. “Yeah. He was too young. Wish I could have done something to save him - acted quicker, taken more time before giving out orders.” She sighed. “He was a good kid.”

  
“I was there, you did everything right.” She looked back up at the Lieutenant, who looked at her with such sincerity she knew he was being honest. “It was just bad luck.” He was right, of course, nothing on the field was under her control. “I mean, it’s been one hell of a shakedown run. Our first mission ends with one spectre killing another. The Citadel Council’s not going to be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions out of the Alliance.”   
  
She rose her brows in agreement for a moment at his words and took a longer sip of her tea. “You’re probably right about that - they’re still politicians. Even if they aren’t human.” Phoenix leaned forward. “You seem to have a grasp on the situation: you a career man?”   
  
He hummed as he swallowed, setting his cup don again. “Yeah, most biotics are. We’re not restricted but we sure don’t go undocumented. May as well get a pay check out of it. Besides, my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted.” He paused. “Eventually.”   
  
“Reminds me of when I told my father that I wanted to join the Alliance. He hated that idea, took him until… got to be a few months before the Raid when he eventually warmed up to it.”   
  
“He was ex-Alliance, right? How’d he go from being the best Alliance sniper to being a farmer?”   
  
Phoenix smiled at the question. “Well, he was thinking of retiring early anyway: he kept on getting pestered to become an Admiral but he was happy as a Major. Kept him away from us kids a lot but we made the ost of his home time. He had already turned down going up into N7 three years before he finally quit. When Mum was pregnant with Minerva, if I remember rightly, she was pretty sick. Her dad could only help her so much - and at the time she and Dad were at each other’s throats. She loved him, but the time away from away was tough. He was about to turn in his resignation when he got shot - he could have continued to serve if he wanted to, it wasn’t a big deal. Couple months out, nothing long-lasting. But he put his hands up and said “With all due respect, Hackett, sir, I’ll be perfectly fine eating tea cakes with the missus and my kids in my back yard, watching the trees grow and helping the sheep lamb and picking strawberries in the summer and getting nagged at by the in-laws.’” And then she frowned and waved her hand. “Anyway, I digress. Mum was happier than he was about it.”   
  
“What was she before your parents moved to Mindoir?”   
  
“A pilot. I’m not sure what, exactly, but she was Alliance. She had a few odd jobs for it around Mindoir, too. Led a small group on Mindoir - a ‘pre-flight school course for free’ I think she used to call it. Never discussed it much, but I know she’d be geeking out of the Normandy.”

  
She looked back at Kadian, surprised to find that he listened to her. She had a horrid habit of rambling, although she had worked on it considerably since joining the Alliance, and often felt like even the shortest of answers were too long. She supposed, however, that he was used to it with how often they conversed on their last assignment.   
“Think their service influenced your decision to serve?”   
  
“I think it might have played a role in it, butI’m not sure if it’s the main reason. I think I was just unsure of what to do. Wanted to see different skies and stars, and wanted to prove myself I guess. Still trying to figure out if I’ve proved myself or not yet, and don’t know what I’m trying to prove, but I’m sure I’ll get somewhere.”   
  
“I’m confident you will, Commander.” There was a pause as if he had said something that he shouldn’t have done, or felt like he shouldn’t have, and she took another sip of tea to show she was unbothered by his words. “Rumour is we’re heading to the Citadel, Ma’am. Can you, uh, tell me why?”   
  
“The Captain hopes the Ambassador can grant us an audience with the council. Tell them what Saren’s been up to.”

  
“Makes sense, they’d probably like to know he’s not working for them anymore.” He sat back in his seat. “Whatever happens, we’ll be ready, Commander.”   
  
“I know. And there’s no one else I’d sooner go through this journey with.”


	8. Evidence

Half an hour had been and passed since their first meeting with the Council. It was as Phoenix had suspected: no care unless there was substantial proof. Of course, Saren had been contacted and it was even less of a surprise to hear not only his denial but also his anti-human attitude. ‘Your species should learn its place’  _ ‘and get attacked every day? Yes, great idea.’  _ She wished she could have voiced her thoughts but she knew better than to further provoke the council’s ire. This wasn’t a personal endeavour to her: it was justice. And it had to be done  _ right.  _

How could they prove Saren’s involvement in the attack when any possible proof was on a damaged Omni-tool? She had places to start - a Turian C-Sec officer called Garrus Vakarian. The group noted him arguing with his superior just before the trial. He had already been leading an investigation against the Spectre. Despite not being able to find anything solid, he sounded like he was close to some kind of breakthrough. If she could find him, found out what he knew, perhaps that would give them a starting point. If that fell through, Barla Von - a Volus who brokered information for the infamous Shadow Broker - mentioned a Krogan named Wrex. Not much information on the Krogan was given other than he  _ really  _ didn’t like Saren. 

She figured it made sense. Krogan didn’t like Turians at the best of times.

  
The lift chimed as it came to a halt, the news story fading out as the door opened. Her back automatically straightened as she heard arguing. With a Krogan. She’d heard stories - saw a few things on Elysium to solidify the pure stubbornness - whether it be of determination or arrogance was down to the beholder - of the Krogan species. She’d not seen one be violent in public - though she’d only seen a grand total of twenty, and fifteen of those were Blood Pack Mercs trying to find purchase in the Traverse. People were too afraid to cause trouble.

As she walked out, she was automatically drawn to the commotion - mostly in curiosity. The Krogan was clearly a bounty hunter - his armour shared no signs of mercenary groups and any Krogan outside of the Krogan DMZ System were Bounty Hunters. Hell, any off of Tuchanka were most likely Mercs or Hunters, accepting any job that gave the most creds. 

She was surprised any race had the gall to stand up against a Krogan, with their regenerative cells and secondary organs. It was often joked within her squads the only way to take down the Krogan for certain was with a bomb. She’d experienced a Krogan in Blood Rage before and the only thing that kept him away from her was a well-timed biotic throw.    
  
“Witnesses saw you making threats in Fist’s bar. Stay away from him.” 

The Krogan wore a snarl - she assumed, though, as far as she knew, they all snarled a relaxed expression - and pointed his head at the C-Sec officer. His tone, on the other hand, was calm. For a Krogan. “I don’t take orders from you.”

“This is your only warning, Wrex.” The Officer leaned close. If Krogan’s weren’t taller than humans, she was sure it would be far more authoritative than it was. At most, it looked like a contest of who had the most authority in the situation: the one giving the orders, or the one with two sets of organs and regenerative cells. 

“You should warn Fist. I  _ will  _ kill him.” The Krogan moved his head further forward, emphasising his sentences. C-Sec officers held little power over the warmongering species, uplifted to attack and kill and wipe out Rachni. It was in their DNA, as it were. Intimidation was something they oozed, unlike the other species in the Galaxy. Heard a Krogan was on the field and she’d be aiming at them first. Anyone else? They’re hardly terrifying when a bullet to the head silenced them regardless of their defences. Krogan? When secondary organs kicked in, chances are no one would live to tell the tale. Not even the Krogan.

“Do you want me to arrest you?”   
  
The Krogan’s words contained the laugh of confidence, calling the officer’s bluff. “I’d like to see you try.” Silence followed, heavy and uncomfortable. Part of her wanted to shift her weight from her right to left, sift her feet a little, bend to scratch the front of her right shin. All habits she had worked hard to stop. But she couldn’t stop the swallow when the Krogan’s red eyes landed on her.

She hoped it wasn’t obvious as the Krogan began to approach, much to the C-Sec officer’s approval. “Go. Get outta here!”

Words fell deaf to the Krogan. ‘Wrex’ she supposed his name was. The very Krogan she was  _ encouraged  _ to talk to.   
  
“Yes, Human?” Wrex was polite compared to the way he acted mere moments ago. No anger. No taunt. No warning. No threat. Just a simple greeting.

“I’m trying to bring down this Turian called Saren.” Phoenix kept a steady stare at the taller species. “Barla Von told me to speak to you.”   
  
“Barla Von is a wise man.” He looked away for barely a moment and looked at her with the idea of an opportunity. “We may share a common goal.”

Her left brow rose barely a fraction, arms folding across her torso. “Got something we can use?”

“I’ve been hired to kill the owner of Chora’s Den - a man named Fist. He did something very foolish.”   
  
“Like betray the Shadow Broker, right?”  
  
A nod. “A Quarian showed up, on the run. She wanted to trade in information for protection so she went to Fist. He promised to arrange a meeting between her and the Shadow Broker, but, instead, he contacted Saren.”

“Sounds like a promising lead.”   
  
“Saren paid him a hefty amount of credits fro the Quarian - she has evidence connecting him to the Geth.”

“Sounds like the agent of the Shadow Broker doesn’t do a very good job at brokering information. Does a better job at being discovered.” James stood beside her, eyeing the Krogan in curiosity. She looked at him as if he was crazy.   
  
“And if we can get our hands on that evidence, we’d be able to prove to the Council he’s working with the Geth. They’d be unable to ignore that.”   
  
“Good call, Lieutenant.” Phoenix forced James’ hand down when he attempted to reach out to the Krogan. “Do you know where she is now, Wrex?”

“Last I heard Fist still had her..”   
  
“Did a Turian called Garrus Vakarian come down here recently? He was close to cracking something on his case. It could narrow down her exact location.”

“He left as I showed up, following a lead that led him to a clinic in the Wards. Doctor Michel’s Clinic.” Wrex paused. “If you’re taking down Saren, I want in.”

Phoenix felt her mouth quirk up on the left. “Welcome aboard Wrex. The more the merrier.” 

  
The Krogan mirrored her expression. “The enemy of my enemy is a friend.”

____ 

_ “I didn’t tell anyone I swear!” _

_ “That was smart, Doc.” _

The door to the Clinic in the wards opened and her hand was already reaching for her pistol. As much as she hated the weapon, too small and too cold, it suited hostage situations where speed was more important than firepower. In cover, behind a short wall, was Garrus. The C-Sec officer they had met earlier that day. He didn’t appear to notice her or her crews presence, focus always on the situation at hand. In his was a pistol, ready for anything. And through the window of the divide she saw the Doctor, back turned to the door, and a merc. She assumed. He was anything but kind, snarling as he spoke.

“Now, if Garrus comes around, stay smart and keep your mouth shut or we’ll - “ He noticed her presence and took the Doctor, spinning her to face the door and putting his pistol to her head. Phoenix aimed hers at his own.

“Let her go.”

The sound of a single shot echoed through the clinic - a perfect headshot. In the time it took for the no-good merc to fall to the ground, she had already put her pistol at her hip and taken her rifle. Garrus had lept out from cover after taking his shot and pulled the doctor away from the fight and Phoenix had already spotted her target. A merc just behind the table - his kinetic barrier was weak: a few bullets and he was dead. 

There was a gaggle of four. Some biotics would have been useful but with the equipment in the clinic, she had given the order to only use biotics if was necessary and there was no other choice. She’d hate for the Doctor to lose profit and business due to something that could have been avoidable. 

Their equipment was weak, regardless of what they were paid. Shields went down quicker than she could even speak three syllables, they were on the floor in moments. They never stood a chance and they would have made it out alive if they just let the doctor go and ran.

“Perfect timing, Shepard. Gave me a clear shot at the bastard.”

She hummed. “If you weren’t careful with a shot like that you could have hurt the Doctor.” She put away her weapon. “Lucky shot.”

“The risk paid off thanks to you.” Garrus looked at the Doctor. “Are you hurt, Doctor Michel?”   
  
“No, I’m fine. Thanks to you. All of you.” She was french, accent a little thicker than Vivienne’s.

Phoenix nodded. “Do you know who those guys work for? We can protect you from them.”

“Fist.” She rubbed her temples. “They work for Fist. They wanted to shut me up, stop me from telling Garrus about the Quarian.”

“Got to be the same Quarian Wrex mentioned.”

Phoenix hummed at Ashley’s statement. “Yeah. Do you know where she is? We need to find her as quickly as possible.”

“I-I only know Fist runs Chora’s Den. I’d assume she’s still with him but it was a few hours ago, she could be anywhere.”

“Then we’ll pay Fist a visit. If nothing else, it’ll keep his men off you, Doctor.”

“This is youR show, Shepard,” Garrus spoke up and she looked at him. “But I want to take Saren down as much as you do. I’m coming with you.”

She heard James scoff. “You’re a Turian. Why do you want to bring him down?”

“Jesus Christ, not this again.” Her words were under her breath and she pinched the bridge of her nose. Yet as she went to lecture her older brother, Garrus wasted little time.

“I couldn’t find the proof I needed in my investigation, but I knew what was really going on. Saren is a traitor to the council and a  _ disgrace  _ to my people!”

She looked at James with an expression that screamed ‘happy now?’ whilst she took in his taken aback expression. His eyes were wide and she looked at Garrus apologetically. “I’m sorry about my brother. He struggles to understand that not every Turian is the same. I’ll be grateful for your assistance on this journey, Garrus.”

The Turian shook his head. “Fist will be waiting for us. When we hit him, we better hit him hard.”

“Thankfully, we won’t be alone.” She motioned to James. “Once you’re out of shock, could you contact Wrex? We’ll probably want the whole squad around to take the place down.”

_____

A pistol was drawn on her. Chora’s den had been full of Mercs - Fist’s men. She could still feel the biotics brush against her skin as she hastily dodged. Phoenix held up her hands.    


“Stop right there! Don’t move!”

Workers - innocents. He had a gun not for work, but for defence. By the way his hands shook, she surmised he never used. If he were to use it, the ricochet of the pistol would damage a tendon in his wrist.   
“We’re not going to hurt you. But this would be a good time to find somewhere else to work.”

The workers straightened. “Yeah. You’re right.” They lowered their weapons. “That’s a good idea.”

“Yeah, I never liked that Fist guy anyway.” They walked away, the way she had just entered was clear and she hoped they were safe.

She heard a commotion around the corner and she tightened her grip on her shotgun. It was hardly her first choice, but in in the confined space an assault rifle would be meaningless. She took cover and peered past the wall: no Quarian, no hostages. Open space. She changed to her rifle with relief. Phoenix gestured to the biotic members of her squad: Kaidan and Wrex. “Use your biotics. Render them useless. Garrus, you know what Fist looks like. He’ll more likely have the best shields, overload them. James, Ashley: keep them off me. I’ll focus on Fist.” She gave the signal for them to move. Fist’s shields were down in seconds, biotic charges filling the room like wildfire, bullets flying past her as she ran into the fray. Fist was easy to spot, equipment far superior to his comrades, and she aimed for him. He was suspended in the air and she took the opportunity to shoot his shoulder, unable to use his weapon.

She stormed over to him, the other mercs falling to the floor around her. She grasped the collar of his armour. “Where’s the Quarian?”

“I don’t know where she is and that’s the truth!”

“My Krogan friend here will happily kill you for his credits if you don’t tell me where she is. You made your employer  _ very  _ angry. If you don’t tell me where she is, the Krogan eats you for breakfast.”

“Okay, Okay! She isn’t here! Said she’d only deal with the Shadow Broker himself! Nobody sees the Shadow Broker. Ever. But she didn’t know that so I told her I’d set up a meeting. When she shows up, she’ll have Saren’s men waiting for her.”   
  
Her grip tightened. “Give me the location.” He made to refuse and she gestured to Wrex. “Now.”

“I-In a back Alley, in the Wards! Next to the elevator leading to the Wards access corridor! By the markets!”

She stood and lowered the Krogan’s gun. “Go. Get off this Station and  _ never  _ return. You’re still his bounty.” 

Fist scrambled as he darted. She took the opportunity to pick up ta device from the table, holding information on corruption a journalist had asked her to collect. As she slipped it into her pocket, she began her run. “Your bounty can wait, Wrex. You can chase after him to your heart’s content later!”

Angering a Krogan and stopping him from the taking the shot probably wasn’t in her best interest - she knew that. But he gave her information, and if it was wrong she’d let the Krogan take his dang credits. There wasn’t time for arguing and she sure as hell wasn’t going to allow the man a headstart on his new adventure - escaping the Shadow Broker.

Feet hit the floor hard, heart racing as she turned the corner leading back into the wards. She nearly skidded as she paused for the door to open. Off again, taking the shortcut. She’d gone down that alley multiple times, knew it’s access points like the back of her hand. Useful when she was in a rush.

An explosion sounded and she cursed under her breath as she took her rifle. The door opened and she ran down the stairs. Two Salairans, two Turians. The Quarian was okay, out of the line of fire. A Turian made the mistake of getting too close, she kicked him back and hit his face with the butt of her rifle. 

“Grenade going in!”

Phoenix sheltered herself with her left arm, keeping an eye open to see who was coming. The Salarians were down, the final Turian at the other end of the corridor.

“Fist set me up! I knew I couldn’t trust him!”   
  
Phoenix slowly straightened, ignoring the faint beep of her shields recharging. “Were you hurt in the fight?” Quarians getting hurt were most worrying to her. Without their suits, Quarians could die from just about anything. They had weak immune systems, no world to reside on for centuries. A single rupture in a suit was the difference between life and death.   
  
“I can look after myself! Not that I don’t appreciate the help.” She looked at Phoenix, still catching her breath. “Who are you?”

“Phoenix Shepard. I’m looking for evidence to link Saren to the Geth.”

"Then I can repay you for arriving when you did. I found something on a Geth memory core and managed to copy it to my omni-tool before the core self-destructed." 

"We should take this to Udina. He'd want to see it." 

"Good idea, Alenko. We'll take you to Anderson, uh…"

"Tali'Zorah."

"Tali. He'll take you to the human Ambassador to prepare to show to the Council. James, you should get to work on sorting out your evidence."

James hummed in annoyance. "Thanks for the reminder. I'll try."

_______

The sound of tools flickered beside the traffic -  _ tap tap tap.  _ Phoenix Looked to her left with a sigh, arms crossed as she sat patiently at the café. “Any luck?”

“Nope.” James wore a deep-set frown and chugged down his glass of orange juice. “D’you reckon the council would even accept it?”

“We won’t know until you fix that bracelet.” She leaned back in her seat, legs outstretched. “I’m surprised Anderson gave you permission to serve on the Normandy. Especially when you should be after that target of yours.”

The older male seemed to laugh, but the anger within his eyes was clear as day. “Cheatin’ scumbag got away, didn’t he? Left no trail to follow, no trace. ‘Just got to wait’, brass said. ‘Can’t waste resources going on a goose chase’. Excuses. I’ll find the tosser one day - once we stop Saren. Hell, he took out half my squad by cheating. He’s not going to run forever. Not when he messes up and I have the final shot.”   
  
“Hardly going to track him down without informants.” She looked up and thanked the waiter for the drink - lemonade, nothing fancy - and straightened. “Anyway, isn’t it a little strange? Having to work with me?”

“A little. Not used to you bossing me around.” He set down his tools. “Is this what Rowan feels like whenever you’re around?”

“Cheek.” James went back to working on his omni-tool and she sighed. “You can ask Kaidan to give you a hand, you know.”

“Kaidan?”   
  
“The Staff-Lieutenant.”

“With biotics?” She hummed as she picked up her drink. “No. I cannot. That’s embarrassing.”

“How? Your pride in being able to further damage broken tech?”

“Look, if mother taught me one thing it’s how to fix an omni-tool.”

Phoenix rolled her eyes. “You never managed to fix one regardless of her attempts.” Silence for a moment. “What about Tali? If she could get that piece of information from the Geth memory core before it exploded, she can fix your omni-tool in minutes. You’ve been working on this for half an hour with no change. And we haven’t got time. For all we know, he-who-cannot-be-named-in-public could be attacking another colony.”

James grumbled. “Alright, alright. I’ll ask her and contact you when we’re ready.”

“Fine by me. I’ve got some things to do while I wait.” She stood after chugging down her drink and clasped his shoulder as she began to walk away. Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.”   
  
“Speak for yourself.”

  
_____

  
The wards were beautiful in their own, despite being darker than the blinding white of the Presidium and, overlooking the balcony, it truly hit her how large the space station was. Five arms housing thirteen million. Phoenix watched the ships in silence, arms draped across the railing and ankles crossed. For the scenery, it was beautiful - although it was hardly rolling hills and fields, meadows and forests, being able to see for miles and seeing very little industrialisation. For what it was, it was one of a kind.

She accessed her omni-tool and loaded the camera setting. Her family back on Erth would want to see it - all of it. She had already captured thirty photos - mostly for her grandparents who enjoyed seeing  _ everything  _ she did, no matter how trivial. If it helped her Grandmother with designs, she was more than happy to help.    
  
“Big place.”   
  
“Is that your professional opinion, Sir?”

Phoenix captured a photo, then frowned at the blur as she examined it with a scrutinising gaze. “I second Alenko’s opinion. You can never get used to this scale. You hear it houses millions and you think nothing of it - but seeing it? And seeing just how many races live here? It’s crazy.” And she returned to her photography quickly, pursing her lips to one side as she attempted yet another photo.   
  
“True. It makes Jump Zero look like a porta john and that’s the largest deep space station the Alliance has.” Phoenix quirked a smile at Ashley’s comment. It was true, in a way. But if that was what it made Jump Zero look like, what about Arcturus Station? She looked at the next photo with a gaze just as scrutinising. 

“Jump Zero was big. But this is a whole ‘nother scale.” Pheonix captured another photo as Kaidan spoke once more. “Just look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from just flying apart?”

She shrugged. “We’ll never found out with how elusive the Keepers are.” She frowned again - an otherwise perfect picture ruined by blurred outlines. “It’s no wonder why they’re careful with newcomers, though.”

“They probably want to keep everything running. It must be hard trying to keep all these different cultures working together.”

“Or they just don’t like humans.”   
  
“Why not?” Phoenix shot a look at Ashley. “We’ve got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. “ She looked back to her camera. “According to the old vids, we have everything they want.” She took another photo - perfect.

“Well, when you put it that way there’s no reason they wouldn’t like you.” Phoenix looked at Kaidan, warmth spreading to her cheeks at his words, fingers stilling in surprise. “I mean, us. Humans. Ma’am.”

There was an awkward pause at his stumble, the Gunnery Chief looking at him with a teasing expression, and Phoenix couldn’t help but notice the way he scratched the back of his neck, the soft hue of pink that dusted his cheeks.    
“You don’t take much sure leave do you, LT?”   
  
Phoenix cleared her throat. “Alright, alright, laugh it up, Chief.” She closed her omni-tool as she spoke and leaned into the railing sideways. “I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we’re on duty here.”

“Uh… Aye-Aye, Ma’am.”   
  
“I’ll walk drag, Ma’am.”

Phoenix scratched the arch of her right brow at the hint of playful tease in the Chief’s voice. Compliments were always something she struggled to comprehend, but for one to be said so easily, so freely… she couldn’t even begin to process it. 

“Phoenix, it’s your favourite brother in the world here.” Her comm crackled in her ear and she inwardly sighed. “We’ve got the footage. Clear. Footage. We officially have evidence of him working with Geth a _ nd _ killing your Turian Spectre friend.”   
  
“Good.” Phoenix internally swore at the way her voice was caught in her throat, words forced. Her face was still hot, back sweating. She cleared her throat. “So we have two solid pieces of evidence the council can’t ignore.” That was much better. Apart from the silence that followed. “James?” Still there?”

His hum was contemplative. “Are you okay? You sound like you’ve just embarrassed yourself in front of everyone.”   
  
“No. I’m fine.”   
  
“Sure?” She heard the tease in his voice and she frowned.

“Meet us outside the Citadel Tower. We’ll be fifteen, twenty minutes.” She cut him off then, disconnecting in an instant. Phoenix wished she had a drink on her, something cold. She hardly needed a drink at that moment, but it would hide her embarrassment. “Alright team.” She straightened. “We’ve got a trial to finish up.”

___

  
“Commander, I hope you have evidence of your accusations?”   
  
“Of course she does.” Udina motioned to Anderson, allowing him to speak.

"Both solid pieces prove Saren’s not only working with the Geth but killed Nihlus.” The Captain motioned to James. “Show the video Lieutenant-Commander.”

Phoenix watched as James’ omni-tool loaded the video. With a simple command, it was on the screens of the Council’s podiums. They looked pensive, even sceptical. But the video wasn’t anything to be sceptical about.   
  
The train station at Eden Prime. James had been on some crates when he fell unconscious, the crate he was hidden behind clipping into the frame. Although Saren couldn’t be seen, Nihlus was centre stage.   
  
“Saren?”   
  
“Nihlus.” Saren was far more menacing than the confusion and realisation within Nihlus’ tone   
  
“This isn’t your mission Saren. What are you doing here?” The suspicions rose, tone more irate than before.

“The Council thought you could use some help on this one. Saren shifted, coming into the frame as he passed Nihlus, hand clasping the other Turian’s shoulder.

“I wasn’t expecting to find the Geth here. The situation’s bad.” Nihlus kept his back to Saren, guard down. A dreadful mistake, but proof of trust. 

“Don’t worry.” The pistol clipped into the frame, Saren’s hand alongside it. “I’ve got it under control.” The shot happened then and Nihlus hit the ground.”

The Councilors looked at each other in silence, thick with shame at believing Saren, she hoped. Udina clicked his fingers and Tali’s evidence followed:

“ _ Eden Prime was a major victory. The Beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit.” _ _   
_ _   
_ __ “And one step closer to the return of the Reapers.”

“You wanted proof? Here it is.” Udina, stood at the edge of the walkway, pointed at the Councils members. For all his flaws, the human ambassador certainly enjoyed making it very clear to the Council that he had no time for beating around the bush when the evidence was clear as day.

The Turian Councilor was the first to speak. “This evidence presented to us is irrefutable, Ambassador. Saren is hereby stripped of his Spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes.”

The Asari Councilor, who appeared the most concerned, sighed. “I recognise the other voice - the one speaking with Saren. Matriarch Benezia. She has a large following, powerful biotics, and she’d make a formidable ally for Saren.”

“I’m more interested in the Reapers.” The Salarian Councilor looked at Phoenix. “What do you know about them?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but Anderson swiftly answered. “Only what we know from the Geth’s memory core: they’re a Sentient race that wiped out the Protheans and then vanished.”

“The Geth believe they’re Gods and Saren’s the Prophet of their return.”

“We think the Conduit is the key to bringing them back. Saren’s searching for it and that’s why he attacked Eden Prime”

“Do we even know what this Conduit is?”

Phoenix folded her arms across her torso with a sigh. “Saren’s thinking about finding it to bring back the Reapers. Isn’t that enough to warrant concern?”

The Turian councillor was having none of that. “Listen to what you’re saying, Shepard! Saren wants to bring back machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy? Impossible. Where did the Reapers go? Why did they vanish? How come we’ve found no trace of their existence? If they were real, we’d have found something.”

“Forgive me, councillor, but there are planets that have craters - such as Klendaggon - that is theorised to be created by a high energy beam. If we don’t have the technology to do that, what makes you think other organic species before us could have that tech? We don’t understand  _ half  _ the tech we find because you automatically call it Geth technology when the evidence could easily suggest they’ve been there for longer than Geth existence. Because anything we don’t have the tech for and doesn’t fit the Protheans is automatically Geth. There were species before the Protheans, there’s proof of that. We just don’t have  _ enough  _ evidence to know what or who they were. “

The Salarian Councilor interrupted her. “The Reapers are obviously just a myth, Commander. A convenient lie to Cover Saren’s true purpose. A legend he is using to bend the Geth to his will.”

“It doesn’t matter what  _ we  _ believe, Councillor! What matters is  _ Saren  _ believes it to be true. And we cannot afford to be ignorant over limited evidence! The dreadnought we saw on Eden Prime” the image turned up swiftly, a race on James’ part “was  _ not  _ a Get Ship. It wasn’t even Geth technology and it’s clear as day on first glance! If the Reapers  _ are  _ real, which people do believe whether you do or not, they’ll wipe at any and all technologically advanced species in this galaxy just like they did fifty-thousand-years ago if Saren succeeds.”

“Saren is a rogue agent on the run for his life. He no longer has the rights or resources of a spectre. The council has stripped his position.”

“Do you  _ honestly  _ think that will be enough to stop him? He has an Asari -”

“That is not enough!” Phoenix threw a glare at Udina. She could have handled it herself. “You know he’s hiding somewhere in the Traverse! Send your fleets in!”

“A fleet cannot track down one man.” The Salarian Councilor, for once in this conversation, had a point.

“A Citadel fleet could secure the region and keep the Geth from attacking any more of our colonies.”

“Or it could trigger a war with the Terminus Systems!” The Turian councillor was right on that front. “We won’t be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies.”

Phoenix clenched her jaw, fists clenched. The Traverse was her  _ home.  _ Mindoir wouldn’t have been attacked by slavers if the Council had actually  _ done  _ something. “So you’ll do nothing? If it was  _ your own goddang Colonies  _ you’d do something!”

“Shepard’s right. I’m done with this Council and it’s anti-human bull -”

“Ambassador, there is another way.” The Asari councillor held up her hand. “One that doesn’t require fleets or armies.”

“No!” The Turian Councillor threw out his hand. “It’s too soon! Humanity is not ready for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres.”

“Yet we have to do  _ everything ourselves _ . Do you see a better solution, Councillor? You, Nihlus was with us to test me and report back to you. You gave him permission. If humanity wasn’t ready you wouldn’t have entertained the thought. Last I checked, it required all  _ three  _ Councillors to agree.”

The other two Councillors looked at the Turian, who retreated back in dejection and nodded. He swallowed his pride. The Asari Councillor straightened after they had pressed something on the consoles. “Commander Phoenix Andraste Shepard, please step forward.”

Phoenix eyed Anderson, who inclined his head forward. She took a deep breath, straightened and stepped forward. Udina moved to the side to allow her to stand on the edge of the walkway. Her hands were behind her back, stood to attention as she had been every time she received the Star of Terra, and every time she was called to move up in the N7 Programme, just as she had done when she received the N7 title. She grew increasingly area of the eyes that were on her, workers within the Tower and other citizens wanting to see what was going on. She swallowed, overly aware of the beating of her heart, the pulse within her neck.

The Councillor continued. “It is the decision of the Council that you be granted all of the powers and privileges od the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel.”

“Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle, those whose actions elevate them above rank and file.”

“Spectres are an ideal. A symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will.”

“Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defence. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold.”

“You are the first human Spectre, Commander. This is a great achievement for you and your entire species.”

She bowed to the council members, her previous outburst settled into that of quiet pride within her chest. “I am honoured, Councilor.”

“We are sending you into the Traverse after Saren.” The Salarian began a debriefing. “He is a fugitive of justice. You are authorised to use any means necessary to apprehend or eliminate him.”

“We will forward any leads to Ambassador Udina.” She bowed her head in thanks at the Turian’s words before looking back at the Asari.

“This meeting of the Council is adjourned.” She once again bowed her head in respect and slowly turned.

Her mouth had gone dry and she felt the faint shake in her hands. Some nervous ticks never stopped. She walked through the Tower, Anderson, Udina and her crew followed suit. She’d been so straight that she felt like her shoulders couldn’t relax, back unable to slouch despite the actions made to relax. She shook Anderson’s hand firmly once they hand walked away from the Council and she finally took a breath she never knew she needed.

“Congratulations, Commander.”

“Thank you, Sir.” The words left as a quick breath of relief.

“We’ve got a lot of work to do, Shepard. You’re going to need a ship, a crew, supplies.” His eyes lit up as an idea came to mind. “Anderson, come with me. I’ll need your help to set all of this up!”

The Captain nodded in Udina’s direction. “Of course. Shepard, you’ll have access to specialist weapons and armour. You should go to the Spectre Requisitions Officer down in C-Sec, give yourself an upgrade.”

“Aye-Aye, Sir.” Anderson and Udina walked away and she released another breath. “That was work.”

“And the Ambassador wasn’t even grateful for your help. Or congratulatory.”

“He might say something later. If he doesn’t, doesn’t matter. He’s a busy man.” She looked at James. “Besides, I don’t see you saying anything.”

"I don't need to. I'm your brother."

"I'll remember that next time you do something noteworthy. " She sighed. "Come on. Let's get something to eat before we find Udina and Anderson. I have a feeling this is going to get very interesting very quickly."


	9. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Landing on the Citadel an Alliance Officer and leaving as the First Human Spectre has barely processed for Phoenix. But hearing the voices of a few family members help ease her nerves. As does knowing that her youngest sister now has advice that could help her settle.

_ “Butcher of Torfan? Here? On the ship?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “He’s the Commander’s older brother.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Surely they can’t be related? He slaughtered people. She’s always saving people. Approachable. But he’s so intimidating. The Commander’s a fresh breeze and he’s a hurricane.” _

_ “You’re just not used to him yet. He has a picture of his wife and daughter with him at every moment. He’d sing their praises and the Commander’s until his throat hurt, I’m sure. He’s just been through more than I’m sure we could ever imagine. We don’t really know him yet. For all we know, he could be the kindest soul on this ship. But what matters is our Commander trusts him. We will, too.” _

Conversations had already spread across the ship. The Butcher of Torfan. It was easy for everyone else to create a face based on an alias - a name that screamed of scars and deep-set eyes as dark and cold as a starless, moonless, lightless night. As terrifying as a black whole. Eyes which you looked into and saw your own death. Scars so deep they made you shudder in fear, smile so cold it was like there was no warmth to his name, face so grizzled his story was etched onto his skin, aura so bone-chilling ice would encompass you as he stalked past.

Yet he sat at the table, smiling at the picture of his wife and daughter kept safe within the locket around his neck. He was happy, laughing at Orianna’s laugh through his omni-tool. He spoke with love to Vivienne, eyes narrowing affectionately.  _ “I said you could make that breakthrough, Love.”  _

Of course Vivienne could make the breakthrough - she was already leading top of the line cybernetics research. Breakthrough research. Every day. She was always just that step closer. Another step closer. A toe away from that breakthrough. Yet she always had time for Orianna. Her research wasn’t dangerous, her shift ended in time to pick her up from school, she’d involve Orianna in some of the research. If it wasn’t too dangerous for a five-year-old, of course. She was close to learning how cybernetics could be used to replace damaged, diseased, decaying or missing muscle and tissue. It would be a major move forward in their ability to help patients with muscle sarcoma and other muscle diseases, along with patients in accidents that had ripped out sections of muscle. It could help with muscles healed improperly, help people walk or raise their arms again. She had been excited about it all month.

And James’ pride shone clear as day.

He reminded her of their father - the way he leaned on the table like he was reading the morning news, cup of coffee in his left hand. Even the way he spoke, an otherwise English accent containing a much thicker Canadian accent than her own when it did slip. It was rare for her father’s descent to be heard within James’ voice, yet it was even rarer for it to happen with hers. Often times, it was hard for people to believe that her father  _ was  _ Canadian until it came to his interviews and her much younger self. James’ laugh was the same, coming from the chest in a rumble.    
  
It was with a sigh and a tight smile that she sub-consciously placed her hand just above her chest, where the amulet hung. Ever since her uncle had given it to her those three weeks after the raid, when she was told of her father’s death, she was never seen without it. It was always with her. The bloodstain had never left, leaving a tarnished mark upon the silver Earth. It served as a reminder to her of where she had come from, how far she had come from that terrified sixteen-year-old-girl to now being an N7 operative. And the first human spectre.

_ “Daddy, is Aunty there?” _   
  
“Why do you want to speak to your aunt for, darlin’?”   
  
_ “I want to ask her a question.” _   
  
“Can you not ask me the question?”   
  
_ “You’re not smart enough to know about words.” _   
  
Phoenix cracked a smile as she walked to the table, almost laughing at James’ offended expression.    
  
“ _ She’s not wrong, ch _ é _ ri. _ ” Vivienne’s voice was gentle. “ _ For all your intelligence in definitions, you are very… lacking when it comes to their origins _ .” A pause. “ _ We can call her a little later. Elle est trés occupée, ma bichette.” _

Phoenix’s translator had been turned off for the moment - she wasn’t planning on speaking to many people and it was mostly for the alien crew members - the Asari dialect was one that never sank in despite her best attempts and the Turian dialect was much harder for her to understand. Wrex and Tali were the only people within their species for her to have interacted with. When it came to Human languages, she wasn’t the best, but she tried to know the basics of a few. Mostly with the help of her crew members and, of course, her sister in law and her mother (in particular).

From what she recalled, Vivienne had said ‘ _ She is very busy, my little doe. _ Vivienne called Orianna that all the time. Ever since the first ultrasound.   
  
Hearing the words always made her smile.

“She has time for the treasure that is her nice.” Phoenix sat on the table at James’ left with a quirked up smile. “What do you need me to answer?”   


_ “Why are spiders and scorpions and ticks and things arachnids?” _   
  
“Well,” she shot James a glare when he sighed as if to say ‘oh no here it comes’. “arachnids have two sections - the…?”   
  
_ “Tummy and bottom.” _ _   
_ _   
_ “That’s right. And how many pairs of legs do they have?”   
  
A pause. “ _ Four?” _   
  
“Right you are. The word itself comes from the New Latin word ‘Arachnida’, which comes from the Greek word ‘Arachne’ - meaning ‘spider.”

Another quiet moment.  _ “Mummy says you are scared of them.” _   
  
Phoenix swallowed in simmered shame. “I am..”   
  
_ “Why? _ ”   
  
“Well, they usually have too many eyes. They have horrid looking legs and fangs. They aren’t pleasant to look at by any means. The blend into the shadows. And your dad used to throw them at me when I was very small. The sweets shaped like spiders. And he used to shove pictures of their eyes and legs in front of my eyes when I was turning corners.”   
  
“ _Dad! You’re so mean!_ ”   
  
“Look, it was entertaining.”   
  
“ _Bully!”_   
  
Phoenix hummed in agreement. “Definitely. You won’t do anything like that to anyone will you, Orianna?”   
  
“ _Nuh-uh. Nope! It’s not very nice and I promised I’d stay out of trouble for you. So, even if you’re gone for a long time, I’ll keep it._ ”

Phoenix smiled. “Don’t worry if you get it wrong sometimes, Orianna, okay? We all get ourselves in trouble sometimes, even without knowing what we did or how we did it. Just be the best that you can be every day, okay? Even if it’s not your best that week, it’s your best that day.”   
  
“ _ Yes, Aunty Phoenix. _ ” She could hear the little girl’s bright smile turn sad. “ _ I miss you _ .”   
Phoenix felt her chest tighten. “I miss you, too.” Her omni-tool beeped and she looked to see what it was about, only to sigh.”Minerva’s calling so I’ve got to go. Be nice to your dad.”   
  
“ _Uh-huh._ ” Orianna yawned through the mumbled agreement. And Phoenix stood to walk away. “ _ Aunty? _ ” 

She looked back at James’ omni-tool. “Yes?”

“ _ Goodnight. I’ll protect you from the -”  _ Another yawn.  _ “From the spiders. _ ”

And she smiled with a quiet laugh. “Sleep tight. Make sure the bed bugs don’t bite.”

____   
  
“So, first human spectre, huh?” Minerva’s voice crooned from her omni-tool as the door to Pheonix’s new quarters closed. “How does it feel?”

“Like the Blitz all over again - used to commanding a squad and suddenly I’m commanding a ship.” Phoenix was sat awkwardly at Anderson’s -  _ her  _ desk as she threw herself down with a sigh. It had been a few hours since they embarked on their mission and she still felt like she was just waiting for orders, not  _ giving  _ them. “Still hasn’t sunk in yet.”

Minerva laughed. “Yeah, you’re telling me. I went from being the nineteen-year-old-kid in the army to being famous within the garrison over _ night _ . Went from being the sister to Commander Shepard, to being the sister of  _ Commander Shepard.  _ And the comments I get from people who never knew your middle name is crazy. I swear that stuff’s on the extranet. Like information sites. You probably have a whole website about you.”

“I hope not.” A sigh. “Anyway, less about me and more about you. You mentioned there was a rumour about you getting a promotion last… Saturday.”   
  
“Hm. Yeah. That happened. Not entirely sure why. I can only assume it was from my six months on Mars and then those six months on the Luna base. Can’t think of anything else that I actually could have done to get promoted.”   
  
“Corporal, though. At nineteen. You sure have done a lot to get promoted twice this year.”   
  
“Funny thing that. I feel like I’ve done very little. Correction:  _ do  _ very little.”

Phoenix stared contemplatively at her cup of tea for a moment before picking up the book next it - ‘ _ Wessex folk stories in the Dark Ages’  _ \- and carefully opening it up to the contents page. “Probably got recs from your commanding officers.” 

“Makes sense.” There was a slight shift. “Oh yeah, uh, Rowan told me not to tell you but I know you hate surprises: Mum’s folks are planning a celebration party at their place on Mindoir. So if your socials get bombarded by Mindoir colonists, that’s why.”   
  
Phoenix grimaced. “That means Elysium will follow and I’ll get hundreds of messages asking if I’m single.”   
  
“Well? Are you?”   
  
“It doesn’t matter if I am or not, it doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable.”

“I’ll tell grandpa to scare the living daylights into everyone so they  _ don’t  _ do that.” And she laughed. “Still, I know you’ll succeed in whatever the Council sends you to do. I mean, you have your crew, you have James. You have your instincts. You have what I can only dream of - that kind of support.”   
  
“Minerva, it’s not about the amount of support. It’s about the type. It’s better to have one that stands by you and supports you through thick and thin than have a galaxy that will only support you until it no longer benefits them.” Phoenix silently closed the book again. “Support is nice, don’t get me wrong. But I know very few actually mean it. The support that matters is the support that comes from those that mean everything to you.”

There was a moment of silence. Thoughtful. Only ended with a small sigh. “You’re right. Of course, you are, who am I kidding? You’re always right.”

“No. I’m not. No one is. There’s no such thing.” 

“Well, regardless of what you believe, I… I’m just glad you’re in the galaxy beating up the bad guys and -” Alarms started ringing. “Crap. Gotta go - training exercises. Stay alive out there!”

Just like that, the conversation was over and silence fell. The room was dark with the exception of the table lamp, illuminating strewn pages of drafted notes in her attempts to research Therum, and her cup of tea in a plain white cup, freshly made and way too hot to drink.

Phoenix sighed as she rested her elbows on the desk, chin resting on her hands in thought. Now that things had begun to settle, she questioned her own judgements. Humanity  _ was  _ ready for this role, that much she was certain of. Humans had been defending themselves for decades whilst no one else did anything. But was  _ she  _ ready for the role? They could have chosen anyone else - given Anderson a second chance. But her name was put forward. They allowed her a chance. They named her a spectre, even if it was under duress, and set her out on her mission to stop Saren. But why  _ her  _ specifically? They were plenty who had done more than her and had more commendations and medals. What had she done that had captured the Council’s eyes? Elysium? Was that all it was? A fluke of a victory?

It seemed that getting the Star of Terra got humans everywhere in the Galaxy. If they lived to receive it. People died to receive it. It was part of what she called the ‘Medal for self-sacrifice squadron’ - medals people got when they died, usually. From going above and beyond. The Victoria Cross, the Purple Heart… medals that were the most prestigious. 

_ “This medal of honour isn’t mine. It belongs to all of those who died that died. It belongs to the colonists. They are the heroes of that day. I was just lucky enough to know them.” _

The words still rang true. And she meant them. Defending the colony may have been a success, but when only three of the Alliance garrison survived? When fifty colonists who fought lost their lives? When the colony was minutes away from being taken if she hadn’t fixed the shield generators? That wasn’t a victory.

Not to her.Not to anyone who survived.

She hadn’t spoken to Cavendish since she turned him down before she left for Rio de Janeiro for the first N test. She saw him at the ceremony when she became N7, but he left and she didn’t follow. They had naturally grown distant after Elysium. She stayed in contact with Amaya, who spoke to Cavendish regularly. Last Phoenix knew he was recently promoted to Lieutenant-Commander and stationed in Alliance Space - Benning if she recalled. 

Amaya stayed on Elysium - trying to keep it as peaceful as it could be. She was allowed to run experiments, test out new security programmes, VI upgrades, biotic amps and omni-tools, security systems. And it may as well have been her father's second home with how often he visited and helped the colonists. 

When they did speak, the defence was  _ never  _ mentioned. Not in the following days. Not in the following months. And not in the following years. They both lost friends. Amaya blamed herself for almost everything, completely forgetting that she took on twenty armed slavers with the pure power of her biotics. She saved her entire team and more. 

But guilt warps a story. 

Still, even if she didn’t believe herself to be ready, Anderson did. Her crew did. Her family did. It was time she believed in herself and did what she always did: take it one step at a time. No focusing on what could happen, no thinking about what would happen if she made a mistake, just focusing on that moment, the present, the current step.

That was all she had to do.

Phoenix reached for her cup and took a sip of its contents. She swiftly pulled away and set the cup down in retaliation to the near burn on her upper lip. Still too hot. Or her recent biting session, removing the small amount of dry skin from the inside of her lips, had made them extra sensitive.

Whichever the reason, it prompted her to go scrounging within her things, moving aside paper and books, for a lip balm compact she had brought with her. The air was naturally dryer on the ship and she at least tried her best to remember to apply  _ something.  _ And she figured it had been long enough.

She heard the metallic clang hit the floor and she looked beneath the desk. It had fallen down the back. She slid off the chair and beneath the desk, head low as she reached for the lip balm. Her fingers grasped the metal casing as the door opened. She turned from beath the desk, facing her chair, and pushed the seat away from the desk.

“Commander?”

Phoenix poked her head out from beneath the desk with a smile. Kaidan’s head was tilted, eyebrow raised in perplexion. “Dropped something.” She hauled herself through the gap (which she realised she should have made bigger when the table scratched her back and caught her spine). “What is it?”   
  
“I wrote up some advice for your sister. I don’t know how useful it will be but…” He trailed off.

She stood as she placed the lip balm on the table and took the offered datapad from the lieutenant. “I’m sure it’ll help her in the long term if it doesn’t help right away. And it’s more help than I’m able to give.” She gave him a quick smile. “Thank you.”   
  
“You’re welcome, Ma’am.” There was a moment of silence. A moment where their gazes lingered on each other just a moment too long. “I’ll let you get back to work, Commander.”   
  
She leaned against the desk and set the datapad down beside her right leg, “Could you ask Joket to let me know when we’re fifteen, twenty minutes away from the final relay?   
  
“Yes, Commander.”

He gave a salute and left the room. Phoenix returned her gaze to the datapad. He went out of his way to do that and not many people would have done when it was for someone they didn’t know. Part of her wondered why he accepted her request. They weren’t on duty, technically they hadn’t left Earth, he could have said no. But he didn’t.    
  
She sat back down on the seat and switched on her terminal, loading her email. She typed her sister’s name into the ‘to’ box, ‘Advice’ in the subject. And began typing whilst she was transferring the document over to attach.   
  
“Commander,” Phoenix hit send as Joker’s voice came through the comm, “we’re half an hour away from the Mass Relay. Thought to tell you earlier than you anted so you could finish your tea.”   
  
Her cup was half empty and she swallowed the sip she had just taken. “Thanks, Joker.”   
She looked at the notes she had written on Therum - human colony, Prothean ruins, inhabited by thirty-four-thousand human miners, surface temperature of fifty-nine degrees celsius, capital Nova Yekaterinburg.   
  
Seemed like a perfect place for a Prothean expert. She was advised to be careful - the Asari they sought being the daughter of Benezia, it was uncertain if she was  _ allied  _ with her mother or not. Phoenix was willing to give the benefit of the doubt and believe otherwise. It also seemed like the perfect place for Saren to search for something - a way to decipher the vision possibly? Another beacon?

Whatever the reason, they had to beat him to it. Get an advantage.

Phoenix finished her drink and stood. It was time to gather a shore party and gear up.


	10. Dr T'Soni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After rescuing Dr T'Soni from the Prothean Ruins on Therum, consequently leaving Saren without a Prothean expert, a debriefing reveals a more solid idea on what they're dealing and a conversation with Kaidan leaves Phoenix unwitting to growing feelings.

“I want to know why on earth the Protheans decided to make Therum a colony.to live on.” James leaned against the airlock door. His arms were crossed loosely, left leg crossed over his right. “Unless they were researching something secret, participating in illegal acts or mining, there’s no reason  _ anyone  _ would want to live there.”

Phoenix loosened the armour fastening around her neck, the air of the Normandy feeling like ice against the sweat-slick skin. “Silicone-based fossils have been found there.” She began walking away from the wall as she worked on her gauntlets, sensing James straighten to follow suit. “Fifty-Thousand years is a long time for climates to change. It just so happened the ex-garden world became volcanic.”   
  
“Silicone-based?”   
  
“Plants, algae.” She squeezed between a pair of marines, twisting sideways as the moved to one side. A quick thrown glance in her older brother’s direction told her he was partly paying attention and partly zoning out her information. “They have microscopic particles of silicone. Some algae can incorporate silicone-dioxides into their skeletons.”   
  
“Well, aren’t you smart.”   
  
“When one gets curious, one searches for answers.”   
  
James quirked a smile. “Curiosity killed the cat you know.”   
  
“But knowing brought it back.” She pulled off her gauntlets as he opened the door, holding open for her as she began to descend the stairs. “And actually reading up on our destinations helps.”   
  
“I wonder what triggered the change in the climate, though. If the Reapers are real and wiped out the Protheans, I highly doubt it would have caused a change in the climate.”   
Phoenix sighed with a shrug as she approached her locker, opening it from a quick fingerprint scan. “We don’t know what the planet  _ was  _ like fifty-thousand years ago. Jungle? Grassland? Desert? More like Earth?” She threw in her gauntlets and started placing her weapons in their designated spaces. “The planet could have been Volcanic when the Protheans found it, they could have started terraforming, Reapers come and whoops Unfinished job, broken tech, planet’s ecosystem fails and all that’s left is volcanoes, lava streams and ruins that scavengers have already looted.”

“Still,” James leaned against the locker to her right “it just makes no sense.”   
  
“Let’s put it this way: fifty-thousand years ago was the Upper Paleolithic era. The stone age. Humans were still a mixture of Homosapiens, Homoerectus, Neanderthals and Homosapiens and began moving out of Africa and up into Europe, leading to the extinction of the Neanderthals. When the Protheans were being wiped out, the Neanderthals were returning to Britain after a hundred and twenty thousand years - the country going from cold to hot and cutting it from the mainland for a time until they crossed over via France.”

“The steppe that’s beneath the English Channel, right?”   
  
“Yeah. Fifty thousand years is a long time and with no life? A Reaper invasion could change that eco-system. Easy. We don’t know what they look like or how they wipe out civilisations.”   
James hummed in thought. Phoenix moved her gauntlets to their place in her ocker and began peeling off her chest plate. Almost instantly she wished she took it off in the shower room with how cold the air was. 

“True. Still, what if that wasn’t the case?”   
  
“Could be something similar to what happened to Mars, I suppose. Although less about solar winds thinning the atmosphere and drying out the water and more… everything vanished without explanation.”   
  
“But your explanation is Reapers?”   
  
“I don’t know what caused it and no information exists to tell us - but from never hearing of it happening to such a scale before without any lifeforms to cause the change in climate, I’m going to say that the Prothean extinction more than likely had something to do with it. Reapers or not.”   
  
Another hum. “Finding answers may bring you back from the dead but they leave me with more questions that need answers.” James straightened. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m starving and I’m due for a video meeting with Hackett about possible next steps to tracking my target.”   
  
“Thought you said Brass called it quits for now?”   
  
“They did. Hackett didn’t.”   
  
“Rebellion, I see.” Phoenix took out the boots of her uniform from her locker and replaced her mag boots. “You better go then - unless Hackett has my guts for garters.” James gave a half-hearted salute as he headed back towards the stairs. “And don’t forget to get your rib checked after!”   
  
“ _ Yes, Mum. _ ”

_____   
  
Wet hair laid on the back of her neck, the collar of her uniform soaking up the drips that collected at the ends of her hair. She felt the odd drop of water slide down the back of her neck, the odd drip on the back of her hand - cold and sudden. She released a sigh as she shifted in her chair. The comm room was quiet enough to hear a pin drop as James took a seat opposite her, a couple of minutes late due to a last-minute call.

  
“That was a little  _ too  _ close, Commander.”Joker’s voice sounded over the comm. “Ten more seconds, we would have been swimming in molten sulphur. The Normandy isn’t equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to  _ fry our sensors  _ and melt our hull. Just for future reference.”

“We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?”

Phoenix smiled a little. “He did pull our asses out of there. Besides, he always cracks a few jokes like that. I’d be a little concerned if he didn’t crack them and got all concerned on us.”

“I… I see.” The Asari paused with awkward realisation. “It must be a human thing. I don’t have a lot of experience dealing with your species, Commander. But I am grateful to you. You saved my life back there. If the Volcano didn’t kill me, the Geth would have dragged me off to Saren.”

Kaidan leaned forward in his seat. “What does Saren want with you? Do you know something about the Conduit?”   
  
“Only that it was somehow connected to the Prothean extinction. I’ve spent the last fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them.”   
  
“Fifty years? How old are you exactly?” James looked at the Asari as if his mind had been blown. He knew Asari lived for an average of two millennia, but he was still surprised at the simple change in time difference.”

“I hate to admit it but I am only one-hundred-and-six.”

Ashley rose her brows in surprise. “Damn. I hope I look that good when I’m you’re age.”

“A century may seem like a long time for a short-lived species such as years, but among the Asari, I am barely considered more than a child. That is why my research has not been given the attention it deserves. My youth means other Asari often dismiss my research on the Protheans.”   
  
Phoenix leaned forward in her seat. “We could use your expertise to stop Saren. On Eden Prime we discovered an intact Prothean Beacon - Saren used it and I inadvertently activated it. The vision I saw is almost impossible to understand, but I believe it has something to do with a race of sentient machines - the Reapers.”   
  
“The… The Reapers. There has been no evidence but if you saw a vision from a Prothean Beacon - it all makes sense! The Protheans weren’t the first to fall from nowhere - I found patterns during my research suggesting that there have been multiple galactic civilisations built upon the bones of the last!” She paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, Commander, it’s just that this is the closest I’ve been to finding out what caused the Prothean extinction. To be able to take something meant only for Prothean physiology, it’s incredible.” I’m surprised you survived. You must be very strong-willed.”

“It makes very little sense. The only reason we - well, I believe - it to be the Reapers is from a piece of evidence Tali” she gestured to the Quarian “found on a Geth memory core.”

Liara thought for a moment, silent apart from a quiet hum before she stood. “Commander, I’d like to try something. As an Asari, I can join my consciousness to yours. My half a century’s work and knowledge on the Protheans might help you better understand the Prothean vision.”

Phoenix stood herself. She’d been through the experience before, a month after the Bitz. Amaya wanted to help Phoenix process the events to fully understand how it all went down and what may have been the catalyst. She recalled feeling a little woozy afterwards and she had made the initial decision to not go through that experience again. But if this was the only way, it was worth the risk.

“Go ahead, Liara.”

“Relax, Commander.” Phoenix released a breath and lowered her shoulders, closing her eyes as if clearing her mind. “Embrace eternity.”

_ Screaming. Synthetics. Organics. Death. Images flared too fast, too hard for her to understand. The dreadnought she saw was visible, cogs and screws covered in what seemed to be tissue and muscle. Screams and screeches - deafening and chilling. Chaos. Loss. Prothean statues. War.  _

It stopped abruptly. Liara took a step back, recoiling.    
“That was… incredible.” But she was quickly returning to the excitable, awe-struck archaeologist that had just found out something never believed to have existed. “All this time - all my research yet I… I never dreamed - “ She stopped again and her expression turned apologetic. “I am sorry. The images were so… vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so… intense. What you have been through, what you have seen, would have destroyed a lesser mind. You must be very strong-willed.” 

“Did you see anything that helped?”   
  
The Asari frowned in thought, dejected. “The Beacon must have been damaged before you used it - the data transferred to your mind is incomplete.”

“Did you find any clue with what was available?”

“Only what you already know: the Protheans were wiped out by a race of sentient machines. I believe it is obvious that there is a connection between The Reapers, the Conduit and the Prothean extinction. But nothing that could help you find it.”

Phoenix nodded slowly, allowing the information to process. A Prothean expert, at least in comparison to her, had agreed that her own theory was correct based on what little information was taken from the Beacon. They now knew there was a definite connection - how was unknown, but it solidified that they were on the right path. “So where do we move on from here?”

“Saren knew you were touched by the Beacon. He probably came after me through fear that I could help you.” Liara straightened her posture. “It is likely he also struggled to understand the vision - follow his trail. I managed to interpret what we have, but I am confident that once you find the missing data, I will be able to piece it together.” 

It was as sound a plan as ever, and the only one they had. Feros and Noveria may have been Saren’s next steps and she surmised they should be her next stops. “Then welcome to the team, Liara. It’s great to have your help.”   
  
“I - Thank you, Commander. I am grateful - “ Liara closed her eyes and pressed a hand to her forehead. She didn’t look well now that Phoenix’s mind wasn’t focusing on the vision and the Beacon. “I’m sorry. I feel a little light-headed.”

“When was the last time you ate? Or slept?” Kaidan had been the most concerned, speaking when others made no attempt to. “Chakwas should take a look at you.”

“It is probably just mental exhaustion coupled with the shock of discovering the Protheans’ true fate. I need some time to process all this.”

“Kaidan’s right, Liara. Getting checked over won’t hurt and you’ll be in good hands.” 

Liara sighed. “I suppose you are right. It will give me time to process everything.”

Phoenix straightened. “James will take you to the Medbay. Does anyone else have anything to add?” Silence. “In that case, dismissed.”

Amongst the shifting of uniforms, she felt the familiar lightheadedness of the experience - possibly a mixture of the joining of consciousness and seeing the vision again. She ignored it, knowing that it would fade, and stepped back to allow others to pass. She felt eyes on her and looked in the direction out of curiosity. She caught Kaidan’s gaze for a moment. He looked like he wanted to talk to her. About what?

“Mission report’s been sent and the Council want to speak with you. Do you want me to patch it through?”   
  
“It’s okay, Commander. I can find you later.” The Lieutenant saluted and began to walk away.

“Yeah. Patch them through, Joker.” Phoenix turned to face the video link and straightened her posture, the three council members in front of her.

“We’ve received your report, Commander.” The Asari councillor spoke matter-of-factly. “We understand Dr T’Soni is on the Normandy?”

“Yes, Madam Councilor.” 

“Then I take it you’re taking the necessary precautions?” Of course the Turian Councillor would question that.

“Liara’s woring with us willingly - the Geth was trying to kill her.”

“Matriarch Benezia would never let Saren hurt her daughter.”   
  
“Perhaps she didn’t know.” The Salarian Councilor spoke matter-of-factly at the Asari’s retort.

“Or we know nothing about her: we never expected her to turn traitor.”

The Asari crinkled her nose at the reality of the powerful Asari’schange of allegiance and the Salarian Councillor spoke again. “What is done is down. You saved Doctor T’Soni from death and destroyed an important Prothean ruin. Was it truly necessary?”

“I tried looking for another way, Councillor. History in space is as sacred and important to me as Earth’s history. But there was no other way.”

“Of course, Commander. The mission is the priority.”

“We await your next report, Shepard.” The Asari Councillor had managed to compose herself and she straightened. “Meeting adjourned.” 

  
______

The quick bite to eat (which was a couple of biscuits) had left her feeling a lot better. Although she was still tired, it wasn’t something she wouldn’t be able to handle until bed. It was arguably the least exhausted she’d felt for a few months - she had an email from Kassandra, who was recovering well and had managed to get a tour of the Acadamy, which had put her mind at ease. She’d also received word from Rowan for the first time in weeks: he had been accepted for Residency in a hospital at the Presidium - Huerta Memorial, she believed he said. He’d more than likely busier than ever, but he was working on a film project in his spare time. He had also requested that she should capture some vids of the places she visits - if she was able.

It wouldn’t be too hard to accomplish, in theory. Even if it wasn’t the best camera quality compared to her omni-tool, built-in body cameras into her armour recorded more and it wasn’t difficult to transfer the footage over- it would simply be time-consuming to go through/ There was no way she’d allow Rowan go through it all with what little time he already had.

She’d manage.

Still, it felt good to know that she could put a little more energy into finding the conduit without being worried about family half as much at that exact moment. Of course, the odd thought would still cross her mind - she was used to doing everything she could to help them, James being the least useful of the lot when it came to more…  _ delicate  _ matters. He had no tact and often made things worse regardless of his intentions. He tried, but he was much better at dealing with a clear, physical issue rather than mental and complex ones. Often hidden.

Phoenix stopped her walk at Kaidan’s station, leaning against the wall. Despite needing to get to reports and emails, he looked like he had something important to say in the Comm room. If it was her, she would have forgotten about it - engrossed in work. He looked over his shoulder to face her a few moments before she stopped, as heavy-footed as she was it probably wasn’t difficult to know it was her.    
  
“Commander?” He turned around fully. “Do you have a minute?”   
  
“I have more than a minute for my crew.” She crossed her right ankle over her left and folded her arms loosely out of habit. “What did you want to discuss?”   
  
“Off the record? I think there’s something wrong here. Saren’s wanting to bring back whatever the Reapers are, scrounging through records for galactic-extinction, and we can’t get back up from the Council?” He was agitated from the idea, the furrow of his brows deepening. “Sorry, it’s just there’s writing on the wall and someone’s not reading it.”

“I hear you.” Phoenix sighed as she spoke. “It really makes no sense. It shouldn’t matter if they believe in The Reapers or not, it’s the principle. Something happened to the Protheans, we know it’s the Reapers, Saren knows it, Saren wants to ring them back, we’ve just been tasked to bring him down whilst they ignore the bigger issue. I’d call it human nature but…”

“Yeah. I hear you.” His shoulders relaxed. “It just seems that a group that’s been around for as long as the council have should see this coming. I mean, it’s funny. We finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled. And just to rub salt into the wound the residents don’t even seem impressed by the view. Or the dangers.”

Phoenix felt herself grin. “Well, well. You’re a romantic.” Even if he didn’t consider the view romantic, she did. The views of space, no matter how often she sure them, always impressed hr. Always made her fee this sensation she could only describe as ethereal in the way it touched her. Almost spiritually - like touching some old stones at the Avebury stone circle back in England. Just knowing that people thousands of years before had touched them, moved them into place, lived nearby. Practised religion, viewed it as a sacred place no different to churches, mosques, synagogues, temples, shrines, groves. Seeing space and new nebulas to her invoked that same feeling. “Did you sign on for the dream? Secure man’s place in space?”

She would never admit it out loud, but it was certainly an influence in her own decision.

The embarrassed laugh from the Lieutenant was endearing to her, something that made her smile widen, her body relax even further. Something that caused a wave of joy within her chest she had never experienced before.    
“Yeah, I-I read a lot those books as a kid - where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves or, you know, for justice.” He sighed. “Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning but I thought about it after Brain Camp.” She stared blankly at him. “Sorry - Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training. I’m not looking for the dream. I just want to do some good. See what’s out here.”

The infamous BAaT. Drago had mentioned it a few times after Elysium, during N-School mostly. Always in private conversation. She didn’t know much about it other than how it had let down all those kids, including her son. Phoenix should have been able to put two and two together - Kaidan being an L2 and all - but the thought never crossed her mind. “I hear it wasn’t the greatest place to be.”

“Yeah. Didn’t late five minutes past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in it was Brain Camp. Hauled in sounds unkind. We were  _ encouraged to commit to an evaluation on our abilities so an understanding of our biotics could be compiled. _ ” It sounded like teachers who would pressure students into doing things that wouldn’t work for their project. Worst types she ever experienced. “There are worst results to accidental Element Zero exposure in the womb. Beats the brain tumours kids grew up with.”

“Do you know how you were exposed?”   
  
“My mother was downwind of a transport crash before there were human biotics, two or three years after the discovery of the Prothean Ruins on Mars.”

“But you question how other kids were exposed, right?”

“It started getting iffy in sixty-three when Connaitix were running out of first-gen subjects. Until then they relied on accidentals - bunch of guys turn up at your door after school and next thing you know you’re out on Jump Zero.”

“Any exposures you now for certain that weren’t deliberate?”

“No one knows but it doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. With the size of the exposures, it was hard to track down accidentals. No one knew the risks of Eezo so there wasn’t a lot of regulations and anything Connaitix did was gold. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they detonated drives over our outposts intentionally but in retrospect, they were damn quick on the scene.”

Phoenix frowned. “Yeah, I’d come to the same conclusion with that speed. Unless they were like some sort of emergency service - which I doubt - they shouldn’t have been right on the scene in minutes.” And then she straightened. “So Jump Zero. What was it like, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Kaidan leaned against the wall, practically mirroring her. “It was a sterile research platform when I was there. Largest space station we had where we researched FTL before we caught onto mass effect fields, right in the termination shock of the Solar System. It looks a lot better in the vids.”

“But you weren’t the only one there. Must have had some friends.”

“We did have a small circle get together every night before lights out. We didn’t have much to do and Connaitix kept it off the extranet to prevent leaks.”

“Gave you a good opportunity to talk with each other then, huh?”

Kaidan straightened a little. “Yeah, it was good to talk about things that weren’t about the day. There was this one girl, Rahna, who I spent a lot of time with. We kept our clothes on. She was from talking, her family was rich but she was smart and charming as hell. Beautiful but not stuck up about it. Like you, I guess.” There was a moment of silence, gaze almost awkward as if he didn’t mean to say it out loud, and her cheeks turned a little warm at the second compliment from him in the space of a day. “Ma’am.”

Still, she couldn’t help but feel a little… not sad but something in between. Maybe it was the way he sounded almost… hurt. Like something happened that still affected him. “It sounds like she was special to you.”

“She was. And maybe she felt the same but… it never worked out. Training. You know?”

There was more to it. She could tell by the way he looked away from her, replied to her with a shorter answer. It wasn’t her place to know and she wasn’t going to foe it. If he wanted to tell her, it would be when he wanted to. Kaidan stood away from the wall. “Anyway, this was meant to be a casual debriefing not about some bull that happened years ago.”

Guilt washed over her for a brief moment and she, too, stood. “My fault, I was a little curious. And I… wanted to get to know you a little more. It was a good talk.”

“I -” His eyes widened for a moment when her words sank in. “Well, you’re welcome, Ma’am. You, uh…”He cleared his throat as his expression relaxed, “Do you make a habit out of getting personal with everyone?”

Phoenix shook her head. “Not in the same way. No, I don’t. We’ll talk later, Kaidan.”

“I’ll, uh, I’ll need some time to process that, Commander, but… yeah. I’ll like that.”

Phoenix met his eyes again. There was something within his gaze that made her smile at him, Feel the same emotions she felt the first time she saw a picture of the Phoenix Nebula, or The Voyager Cluster, or even the Solar System. The first time she saw the stars. The first time she smelt the cherry blossoms and felt like she was having an out of body experience. She cleared her throat after a couple of seconds, cheeks warming, and she rubbed at her right brow. “Before I forget to ask, what was your opinion on the last mission? Just trying to get a view on where the crew’s at.”

“Shame about the ruins but Doctor T’Soni seems nice enough. If you like the bookish sort.”

“And do you?”

“No, Commander. I prefer more… adventurous women.”

“Oh? I’ll keep that in mind, Alenko.” She uncrossed her legs and lowered he arms to her sides. “See you later?”   
  
“Yeah.”

She walked away again, looking over her shoulder for a moment - a secret glance, she thought, just to raise a hand in a quick farewell. He was still looking at her. She didn’t raise her hand. She just smiled and looked forward to turn the corner. She leaned against the wall. She released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. And, despite having no reason to smile so wide, she also couldn’t stop. Constantly trying to figure out what the feeling was whilst not knowing where to begin.

She’d figure it out. Eventually. And, even if she didn’t, it was nice. She doubted she’d forget it.

“Commander, we have an incoming message from Hackett. Do you want me to patch it through?” 

“I’ll be there in a couple seconds Joker.” And she began ascending the stairs to the CIC. “Can you keep it on hold a little longer?”   
  
“Sure can, Commander.” A hum. “You sound chipper compared to earlier.”   
  
“Good nap.”

“ _ Right.  _ I’ll believe that in fifty years, I’m sure. You never have good naps. F for effort.”


	11. Chaotic Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Landing on Feros to go to the colony of Zhu's Hope was never meant to begin with so much chaos on the walkway. Or up a flight of stairs.

It was quiet. Still. The air was so heavy with dust and ash of a bygone era that it was a touch harder to breathe. Concrete towers like the ones the trio stood upon were built on ground they could not see. Could not touch.Could not smell. Architecture that was both straight whilst having moments of sleek, gradual curves at the tops of skyscrapers. Water at the poles and nowhere else. Open land so few and far between crops could not be grown. Animals could not be reared. Were there creatures that they could not hear? Did they ever exist before? Or had they gone extinct? Animals so unique they did not exist anywhere else in The Milky Way. 

Until 2178, no one had lived on Feros for fifty millennia. Decaying Prothean aqueducts and agriculture buildings fed the Colonists in Zhu’s Hope, the only ones to live in these old, unstable towers. Perhaps the Protheans had found Feros in a state of rubble and built upon it like the old, ancient cities of Earth - cities below cities, ancient roman brothels and market streets hidden below modern apartments and statues, rivers hidden by roads and streets. Perhaps Feros had been like this for a hundred millennia, or a farmstead before the Protheans. Or maybe it was the Protheans that first discovered Feros and built upon lush green lands, replacing it with monstrous, intimidating grey that stopped all plant matter it stood upon from growing. An eco-system lost, plants unknown never to be discovered. All that remained of Feros was a concrete jungle, left to crumble, that covered two-thirds of a planet that may have once been as beautiful as Mindoir; as pleasing to set eyes upon as Eden Prime.

But the ghosts of Feros’ past, the footsteps of those that came before, were not the reason for her and her team’s arrival. Nor was it the reason for the chill down Phoenix’s back and the hairs on the back of her neck standing on edge. They were not the reason for the thick silence that veiled the ruins, the quick movement from the corner of her eye that made her question if she was seeing things or if her gut instinct was correct.

“Is it just me or is just a little too quiet?” James’ voice ricocheted off the ancient walls, caught in an echo-chamber.

“I doubt speaking loudly will do anything but wake the dead, Sir.” Kaidan was far quieter, carefully so. Cautious. Prepared compared to the Lieutenant-Commander’s slouch.  
  
“This place is a colony, right? This place should be bustling.”

“Three-Hundred people live here, James.” Phoenix kept her eyes scanning the area as she moved a little further from The Normandy. Her Assault Rifle was at the ready. She spoke slowly, more focused on finding evidence of an ambush than reprimanding her older sibling’s lack of research. “And most work in the Exo-Geni building.”

“Udina and Anderson said we’d lost contact with the colony not long after Eden Prime’s attack. Maybe twelve, thirteen hours. Tops.”  
  
“That would be around the time we reached the Citadel.” James hummed in thought. “We had to make one jump. To get from the Exodus Cluster to the Attican Beta, that would be two jumps.”

“True. But ships with eezo cores that can handle more than The Normandy’s would make the jumps faster.”

“Do Geth have faster Eezo cores?”

Phoenix sighed in mild frustration. “Yes. And that Reaper on Eden Prime -”

“If we even know it’s a Reaper.”

“It is -” She caught movement and she reached for a grenade with her left hand. Silence reigned over her and she paused mid-step, eyes narrowing in an instant for any signs of an artificial cloaking system, anything that made the setting a little… off. Like a green screen that keeps on moving in the wind, causing the projected image to look purely fake.

“I haven’t seen what you and T’Soni saw in that vision -”

Phoenix hushed James from over her shoulder. “We’re being hunted.” A group of four torches, floating in mid-air, cloaking capabilities slightly malfunctioning. She covered behind a concrete block. “And you alerted them to our presence.”

James took cover opposite her, Kaidan adjacent. The Lieutenant-Commander had his shotgun in hand. “Got to be good at _something_.”

Her fingers found the familiar shape of a grenade, a disc no thicker than the side of a ceramic cup whilst sharing the same diametre as her omni-tool bracelet, “I’d sooner it not lead to an ambush.” and threw it into the group of cloaked AIs.

Phoenix stared at a piece of gravel for a moment in wait, seeing it fly across the walkway as the grenade went off. Dust flew, a crack in the pavement - barely noticeable compared to others - within a minor scorch mark, and three Geth blow backwards from the impact. Two were scattered across the room, one having been stood on the disc as it went off and the other was far enough away from the explosion to not be hit, but close enough to have to hide to be missed. She positioned herself to aim around the corner, the AI’s side exposed to her. She fired at the unsuspecting Geth. Another sound of chaos as a Geth was thrown through the doorway to the right at the end of the walkway, clattering into what sounded like a metal fence of some kind.

From the doorway, another group of Geth arrived and James made an audible sigh, meant to tease. “And you said _I_ alerted them to our presence.”

“James, leave it for after the mission.”  
  
“Why?” He shot at another Geth. “Got a reputation to uphold in front of the others?”  
  
“Not particularly.” She fired at a lightbulb as a Geth cloaked, breaking it instantly. “You’re just really annoying.”

“Ouch. You just shot my pride.”

“That doesn’t seem that hard, Sir.”

James’ rifle beeped as it overheated and he took his shotgun. ‘Nix, I love Alenko’s sass. Is he always like this?”

“In the best ways? Oh yeah. And you better get used to it. I ain’t gonna file any complaint about it.”

Her brother showed a smile. One that was mischievous. Like he knew something she didn’t want him knowing. “I know you won’t.” He rolled his neck from side to side. “I’m going in. Cover me.”

As soon as he spoke, Phoenix rolled across the width of the walkway to his cover and started shooting once more, taking down a barrier in the process. The ringing of shotgun pellets hitting the floor came after its powerful echo. Yet it did little to deafen the heavier footfalls of the red armoured Geth that she caught a flicker of from the stairs. She switched to her sniper.  
  
“James, _Rocket Trooper_ coming your way!”  
  
“Yeah, Yeah, I see it.” He elbowed a Geth that got too close as he readied himself, the AI proceeding to fall off the edge. “It’s under control.”

“We can’t get the shot! Get back here!”

“No can do. I can shoot it. _I have this.”_

“Sir, your shields are down!”

Phoenix looked through her sights, no luck. She had a higher chance of hitting the wall than the Trooper. “If you run back here, I can get the shot!”

“ _I said I’ve got this!”_

“You don’t!” She tracked the troper as best she could with the limited cover she had. Heart palpitations were noticeable, a cold sweat coating the back of her neck, If she were to throw a grenade, James would be caught in the blast. Far too close for him to get away with a minor scrape. He was close to either get blasted to pieces or thrown across the room. Nd with both the likelihood of his death was far too high.

“Shit, I do not have this!” He spun on his heel and ran five paces down before a rocket zipped past him, catching him in the blast.

Her face hardened and she corrected her stance for a brief moment until -

“I’m getting the Commander, Ma’am.”  
  
“Lieutenant -” She quickly stood as Kaidan sprinted ahead. “Alenko!” She sighed in annoyance and vaulted over her cover. Was there a rocket trooper n the loose? Yes. Did she have a plan? No. _Just do what you gotta do, Phoenix._ She ran with that thought in mind, not focusing on anything, or anyone, but that _cursed rocket trooper._ She turned the corner and crouched. _You tell the others to come back, and here you are committing to the worst plan you’ve ever had. Great job me._ She aimed down the sight of her rifle, lined up the shoot and fired, much quicker than she would have liked. She waited with bated breath, already lining another as the final Geth fell.

It was with three heavy, restrained breaths that Phoenix slowly lowered her sniper. She stared at the doorway, eying the old metal stairs that led up to the colony. The heavy quiet fell again, only disrupted by the careful work of the Lieutenant. Phoenix turned her head to watch with bated breath, eyes honed in upon the slight scorch to the back of James’ armour. “How is he?”  
  
“BP’s at a good one ten, resting heart rate of fifty bpm. No sign of internal injuries or external - what shields he recovered took the brunt of the explosion.” Kaidan lowered his arm, omni-tool closing.

“Reckon he has a concussion?”  
  
“Difficult to know until he comes round. It’s possible, but judging from how he fell it’s unlikely.” Kaidan looked in her direction. “His pride’ll be damaged, sure -” she exhaled a breathy laugh through her nose and she caught him smile. “- but he’ll be fine, Commander.”

“I hope so.” She sighed and shook her head. “Thirty-four and still lacking in the common sense department.”

“Keeping you on your toes?”

Phoenix tilted her head a touch to the right and rose her brows for a brief second in agreement. “Something like that, I’m sure. Or he’s trying to make me go grey so he’s not alone with his silver strands.” She stood then, knees clicking quietly. “Try to get him on his feet. I’ll scout ahead - see how far away from the Colony we are.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “Let me know when he’s up.” She began walking away, switching back to her assault rifle as she began walking to the stairs.

“Commander?” She turned in Kaidan’s direction with a hum. He was looking at opened his mouth to speak; he stopped, shook his head and cast his focus onto James. “Don’t worry about it.”

She held back a smile. He was easy to read - the slight furrow of his brows, the few seconds of silence as he thought. It was endearing. “I’ll be as careful as I can, Kaid." She returned to the task at hand." Keep me posted."

"Aye - Aye."

* * *

The stairs were old and the wall they were drilled into had begun to crack. Flakes of plaster dotted the stairwell, aged and paper-thin. Dust tickled her nose and the leaf of an unknown plant to her brushed against her cheek as she took a step up the worn stairs. It appeared industrial, something akin to the twentieth century grided fences with diamond shapes gaps, steel welded in a criss-cross. The shaft of the lift was blocked off, partly in the process of repair work, and a section of the fence had folded in on itself - an unfortunate Geth laid on the floor in front of it - a puncture to its wiring that matched the points at the top of the fence.

“Those tubes are either fragile or those were some heavy-duty spikes.” Her words were whispered so quietly she was nearly mouthing the words. She turned her head up, looking for any possible gaps and short barriers that could have led to such a fall. According to texts and other databases, Geth were made of ultralight materials - they probably improved upon them since then, achieving spaceflight, residing on planets far more hazardous than past Qurian colonies. Perhaps a twenty, thirty feet drop?

_I’ll find out eventually._

Phoenix continued up the stairs, right index on the trigger of her assault rifle. Anything, or anyone, could be waiting. The sound of clicking and moving joints of machinery echoed down the stairwell.

She was being hunted. And she acted accordingly. She examined her surroundings - an enclosed stairwell, a short barrier to her left that wouldn’t protect anyone taller than six foot five - a drunk Turian could trip over nothing and fall. Maybe they’d survive with a cracked carapace. Maybe they’d die. Thankfully, Garrus - a _drunk_ Garrus - wasn’t there for James to test that theory. It was also a good riddance James wasn’t there to test it out _himself_. For what reason, he’d say ‘science’ as if science had not yet proved that humans cannot survive a fall of that height. Not without serious injuries or dumb luck. - and foliage beginning to grow up the lift shaft in the centre.

A flash of green shifted, then another. On the ceiling. One side, then another. Of course they’d be quick. A little _too_ quick. Still, they were what stood between her and Zhu’s Hope. She watched the duo. And the duo watched her. Waiting to see who would be the first to strike. If she would be the first to shoot, or they the first to jump. An AI jumping at her would be a first - and one that wouldn’t be pleasant.

She shot first, aiming a little too the side of the Geth, and near cursed under her breath as it scuttled onto the floor, knees and elbows pointing up like an arachnid. A shudder went down her back at the comparison, at the envisionment of a spider or scorpion as big as a Geth. Her jaw tensed and she shot again, chest heaving as it got a little close for comfort before it died.

The other jumped off the wall of the concrete column in the centre and she practically squealed as she ducked, spinning on her heel. A red beam aimed at her from its head and she heaved herself out the way as the sound of the sniper bullet echoed loudly. Her shields beeped at her - they’d gone down and she was temporarily at the mercy of the unknown. Her rifle was firmly within her hand and she sat up enough to shoot at the torch upon its head, threatening her with yet another beam. She shot and rolled to the side just as it returned the favour. The sound of the shot quietened the Geth’s dying beeps.

Catching her breath, Phoenix slowly got to her feet and walked back into the main stairwell from the side-corridor (that was caved in partway down) she had fled into. Down the first straight of stairs, stopping at the corner, was the unit she had dispatched.

After a moment of staring, she approached the Geth. A quick examination revealed very little to her, but it was information she was certain Tali would find useful on her pilgrimage and it could be useful to The Alliance in the foreseeable future. None of The Alliance’s databases on the Geth showed the unknown unit that laid on the stone steps.

The echoes of footsteps reached her ears from below, quick, kipping a couple of stairs at a time. “Lieutenant!” James was awake, his voice clear as it ricocheted within the stairwell.  
  
Phoenix held back a sigh of amusement and she stood. Placing her hand on the edge of the barricade, which met the base of her ribcage, she peered over the edge. “Sorry if I caused a stir.”

Kaidan had reached her section of the stairs first and his eyes looked down at the Geth. James wasn’t far behind, huffing and panting with his hands on his knees. “I was having a -” his eyes landed on the Geth. “oh. What _is_ that?”  
  
“It’s a Geth Unit.” Phoenix knelt down again, going to taking pictures as thoroughly as she could.

“ _Very funny._ ”

Kaidan knelt opposite her. “This isn’t in any of the Alliance databases.”  
  
“Qurian writings don’t mention these units, either.”

“Maybe the Geth created them themselves - no other Geth is made of this type of material.”

“As far as we know.”

James cleared his throat. “Before you two continue on, are you suggesting that the Geth are ‘evolving’?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“They are artificial intelligence, Sir. They adapt the same way organics do, correcting their programming to suit the situation at hand.”  
  
“And adaption means evolution.”  
  
The oldest of the trio sighed. “We have an unknown unit, Geth are adapting and building their own units, evolving into a race all to themselves, and a Turian is leading them.”

“Or -”

“Or a Reaper, alright, alright. Don’t make it too complicated at this moment, Phoenix, I’m half asleep.”

Phoenix rolled her eyes. “Anyway, these guys hop, got claw-like hooks to climb walls and stay on ceilings, the jump pretty far like fleas, and they scurry along the floor like arachnids.”

“Like snipers, they jam our signals.” James crouched. “Alenko attempted to contact you to get static, then the shots fired. Seems these are likely to be the cause.”

“It appears so.” She crinkled her nose. “And they fire sniper bullets from somewhere. The red aiming comes from their torch.” Happy with her photos, she sent them to Tali. “There’s going to be more of these sneaky buggers. Keep your eyes and ears open at all times.” She stood, soon followed by the other two. “Alenko, update me on the Lieutenant-Commander.”

“No concussion. No fractures or obvious injuries except the site of impact on his left temple - nothing serious and it will heal by itself in a couple of days.”

“He was frowning at me the whole time.”

“Can’t possibly imagine why.” She lowered her omni-tool. “Anyone got a map? My omni-tool’s gonna take a couple of minutes to function fully after being jammed.” James lifted his hand. “Alright. Lead the -”

The door next to them opened and Phoenix looked in confusion to find guns pointed at them. Kaidan spoke quietly beneath his breath. “Well, this just got a little... interesting.”


	12. Zhu's Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aqueduct was down, the power cells were giving out, food was running low but no one could hunt whilst the alpha varren was in the area. The Geth Attack couldn’t have come at a worse time, the colony barely holding itself together. Exo-Geni appeared to have no care for the colonists, no regard for their health or safety. Its as if all they saw was a neat tower they’d just have to put equipment in and think that enough to start a colony, surrounded by unstable towers, without enough land to grow anything and Prothean greenhouses and aqueducts that were barely holding themselves together, struggling after fifty thousand years of disuse. That’s excluding the dust in the air, the disease that could wipe out the colony in less than a fortnight, the ridiculous number of people suffering from headaches and the blatant dodging of a simple question over Exo-Geni’s business on Feros.

Phoenix saw James reach for his pistol and she held up her hand. He frowned, left hand momentarily froze halfway towards his right hip for the weapon, and kept his narrowed eyes upon the colonists that stood in the doorway, shaking, nervous, eying him carefully as he took a step back and folded his arms across his chest. He was on edge and the cut to his forehead only seemed to further agitate in his anger, seeming to sting as it creased with the furrow of his brow.   
A couple of the colonists in front of them wore armour - security guards. she assumed. The others were clearly not used to defending their skins - or their livelihoods - with how their armour was pieces of metal, welded and curved, not fitting quite right. No one should be used to it. No one should have to turn to violence to protect themselves. No one should expect Batarians, Pirates or Geth, Saren or Husks, slavers or criminal gangs looking for new rites and creating new murder rituals as an induction protocol. What did Feros have? Any Prothean tech was scavenged long before the Colony was founded, the towers were unstable, there wasn't land to farm on. It was a skeleton of what it once was.

Phoenix twisted her body to look at them fully with undivided attention, the N7 symbol upon her chest plate undoubtedly the cause of their widened eyes before she spoke. "We're not with the Geth." She lowered her hand. "I'm Staff-Commander Shepard, this is Lieutenant-Commander Shepard and Staff-Lieutenant Alenko." With the hand she previously held up to halt James, she gestured to the members of her team respectively. "We're with The Alliance."

One of the colonists lowered their weapon. "Wait… Shepard… As in _the_ Shepard siblings?" Her eyes widened in awe and Phoenix felt her stomach fall as if her entire body had sighed. "You're the Hero of Elysium! And he's your brother - the Butcher of Torfan."

"Butcher of Torfan or not, we need a Butcher of these Geth."

"And Hero of Elysium or not -"

"The Commander here has saved more colonies than just Elysium." James took a step forward. "We're here to help you and push away the Geth if we can. You can continue arguing amongst yourselves over us, or you can accept that she has a Star of Terra, is an N7 operative far superior to others I've seen and the first human Spectre, and let us help. You're in no position to argue with Geth on your doorstep."

The apparent leader of the group lowered her weapon."I'm sorry for their disrespect, Sir. We've been fighting Geth for a week or so now."

Phoenix nodded. "There is no need to apologise. You’re all on edge. We all get like that when morale is low. My team and I got here as quickly as we were able after losing contact."

"I -” She paused. “Thank you. It’s not often anyone but Merchants visit, let alone Alliance personnel and Geth. I don’t know all the details but I can fill you in as much as I can on the way to the colony.”

Phoenix held out her hand. “Lead the way.”

At first, the corridor narrowed and dimmed. Lights flickered on when the door closed behind them. They were dim as if their circuit was broken or they were what little juice remained from the building’s Prothean past, connected in hope to serve a temporary purpose before being updated. Cables hung loosely from the ceiling, bullet holes within the walls, blood spray against the concrete. It was clear there had been a recent fight down the corridor and they had no time to clean the blood, only to respect and bury their dead. The narrow corridor offered little cover and little defence. Against AIs armoured and with better weapons, they never stood a chance.

“The Geth attacked out of nowhere a little over ten days ago - took out our communications and jammed our sensors.”

“Where did they attack first?”  
  
“The Exo-Geni building, half a hours walk away from here, five, ten-minute drive.”  
  
“Do you know if the workers are safe?” Kaidan asked.

“No, Sir. Most of them practically live up there. We’re still in the process of cleaning out the rubble, fixing structures.”

“I suppose the Protheans didn’t leave a manual, huh”

“If they did, we wouldn’t be able to understand the language,” James stated. “There’s no language out there that we’d be able to compare it too.”

Phoenix ducked beneath a fallen, rusted bar of iron. “I don’t think they thought they’d go extinct.”

James sighed through his nose. “They most have done - why wouldn’t a race as smart as them think upon it?”

“Because it’s depressing.” She turned her head to look back at him. “Or because they never expected it.” She returned her attention to the task at hand. “How many deaths?”

The leader of the group of colonists tapped a few buttons at a console next to a door, embedded in the left wall. “Impossible to say. In Zhu’s Hope, we’ve lost… twenty. There’s no way of knowing about those at the Exo-Geni Building.” The door opened and she walked on through. Phoenix and her team followed - the corridor opening into a large, open space. Prefab units were dotted around, colonists going about making repairs. “I’m sorry about -”

“Don’t be.” Phoenix interrupted the security guard calmly. “You’ve just been attacked. Colonies aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. And they’re rarely what you see in the brochures.”

“You’re right. Of course, Ma’am.” The guard sighed. "The Mayor is up ahead, into the tunnel to the right over there. He can tell you a little more about the colony's situation than I can. We also have a Salarians Merchant who might be able to make some quick repairs to the Lieutenant-Commander's shields."

James held up his hand."They'll be okay."

"Sir, they took the full brunt of the rocket. They haven't started to recharge."

Phoenix turned her head to look at Kaidan, who had spoken matter of factly to James. "Alright, Alright, LT." Her brother sighed. "I'll get them checked out. But," he pointed at her, "don't you go leaving without me. And you," He turned his index to Kaidan, "... you are _way_ too observant."

"It's why Alenko's with us - I'm too busy mothering you with half my focus." She watched James walk away, flinging an eye roll at him as he pouted childishly whilst he jokingly stomped off.

"You two always like that?"

Phoenix shook her head at the guard’s question. "Only when he doesn't cooperate.” She looked back at the guard. Thank you for your help. We'll do everything we can to help out."

It was only then, as she and Kaidan started walking, that she took note of the dingy settlement, not even large enough to be considered a street. It wasn't helped by the small fires being put out, the residue of smoke and soot. An acrid smell pervaded the air, just as it had done at Eden Prime, at Elysium, at Mindoir.

A few colonists were grieving and she felt their pain within her heart. It never got easier. It would always be fresh to her and these colonists.

She hoped that there weren’t any Dragon's Teeth dotted around. For the colonist's sakes. Geth strolling around and killing their friends and family was one thing, but then being attacked by what was once their neighbour? Their colleague? Partner? Spouse? Perhaps even their own child or sibling?

The fear that swarmed her judgement when she saw James being dragged towards one was still fresh. Whenever he walked past one, he’d give it the ‘I’m watching you’ gesture and walk to the opposite side of it. Whenever she heard the grating of steel shifting to release the mostly synthetic creatures, Phoenix shuddered and her head felt like it would implode.

But Alliance soldiers knew what they were. Chances are colonists would have no idea. There was no such thing as being fully prepared for the husks that would swarm like locusts, but soldiers were equipped and trained to handle enemies that swarmed and hounded. The colonists wouldn’t stand a chance, ran down and mutilated. Or worse, they’d be used to create more husks. Or -

“Commander?” Phoenix looked to her left. A haze of concern showed in Kaidan’s eyes for a moment brief enough for her to believe she simply imagined it. Yet he looked as if he had wanted to say something.

“Something on your mind?”

He hesitated for a moment. “Was this what Mindoir was like after the raid?”

“I… I’m not sure. I suspect so.” She furrowed her brows a little, thinking. “I remember bits and pieces but… I don’t remember most of it. I know that I know it, it’s right there but it’s out of reach. Like when your fingertips touch what you can only just reach and push it away and you grumble at it. I remember the aftermath from a couple of months later when I returned for the memorial and funeral, but everything had been cleared up for the most part.” Phoenix stopped walking and turned three-quarters to look at the degraded colony. “This is the first time I’ve seen a colony post-attack instead of during. Another could still happen with the Geth still here, but this tranquil moment of grief and pain whilst still living in fear it could happen again at any minute?” She shook her head. “Never experienced it before now.”

“Does it ever get easier as time goes on? Do you ever recover?”  
  
“No. We don’t." She released a breath. "If it does, it takes longer than thirteen years. But we move on as best we can. Even if the Council does ignore us." Phoenix offered the lieutenant a smile and reached up to clasp his shoulder. "Come on. Let's see what we can do."  
  
_____  
  


According to Fai Dan, the mayor of Zhu’s Hope, the colony was… on its hinges. To say the least.   
The aqueduct was down, the power cells were giving out, food was running low but no one could hunt whilst the alpha varren was in the area. The Geth Attack couldn’t have come at a worse time, the colony barely holding itself together. Exo-Geni appeared to have no care for the colonists, _no_ regard for their health or safety. Its as if all they saw was a neat tower they’d just have to put equipment in and think that enough to start a colony, surrounded by unstable towers, without enough land to grow anything and Prothean greenhouses and aqueducts that were _barely_ holding themselves together, struggling after fifty thousand years of disuse. That’s excluding the dust in the air, the disease that could wipe out the colony in less than a fortnight, the ridiculous number of people suffering from headaches and the blatant dodging of a simple question over Exo-Geni’s business on Feros.

“Think the colony will be okay if another attack happens whilst we’re getting to the root of the problem?”  
  
Phoenix began her descent of the second flight of stairs, her right arm brushing against the roughly installed bannister within the wall. “They’ll be fine whilst James is getting his armour fixed.” Kaidan shot her a look. He clearly had no intention of forgetting the scenario at the port. “He was being an idiot earlier, but he’s a commander for a reason. He’s bringing in Williams and Vakarian as an extra defence. Tali’s examining the Hoppers - she’d be on call to help out if it’s necessary.”

“Good thinking on his part.”  
  
“I expected no less - he’s taking his role as second in command very seriously.”  
  
Kaidan walked at her side. “Think he’ll be okay without us?”  
  
“He was alright without me keeping him safe before I was N7, he’ll be okay now.”

She heard the lieutenant’s amusement, caught the one-sided smile through the corner of her eye. “That some, uh… that’s some faith you’ve put in someone who charged at a rocket trooper.”  
  
Phoenix sighed, just as amused. “Someone’s got to have faith in the idiot that isn’t his missus.” Her comment received a quiet laugh in reply and she surprisingly found her smile widening at the sound.

Or… was it surprising? Didn’t she smile whenever he laughed? Whenever he smiled? Whenever he said something no one else thought was funny but she did? When Joker had shown suspicion towards Nihlus with a ‘ _call me paranoid’,_ didn’t she hold back a laugh when Kaidan had done _precisely_ that? She didn’t recall doing that on a regular basis with anyone else. Half the time she was too focused on her work to even _notice_ anyone. And now she was beginning to notice, remember a spiral of instances whilst still hearing the odd drip of water, footsteps on old flooring, still checking her omni-tool to make sure she was heading the right way, still managing to _focus._ _  
_

Until her signal jammed.

She gestured for Kaidan to stay put whilst she took cover behind the wall adjacent. Two, three, four seconds passed before she heard the familiar trills of Geth, talking in numbers and binary, talking in a language reminiscent of morse code in sound yet still simply a pattern of noises she’d always find grinding. Poking her head around the corner, she could make out three Geth. None looking at their direction.

“Destroyer at one o’clock.”  
  
Phoenix cast her gaze over to the direction. “Got him.” He was too far away to get with an assault rifle, even if she made a break for the window-framed wall, at most forty metres away. At least twenty. It was a heavy risk, but one she’d have to take. With a small sigh, she returned her assault rifle to its rightful place on her back and spoke in a hushed whisper. “Think you can work some magic if push comes to shove?”

“You’re going to make a break for it aren’t you?”

“That small window in the wall there” she gestured towards it with the tilt of her head “is the only way I can get a good shot without breaking my shoulder.” She shot him a quick glance. The crease between his brows, the way his lips were pursed slightly to the side, the corner of his lower lip lightly drawn into his mouth.

“I’ve got your back.”  
  
She nodded. “Once I’ve taken out the destroyer and the sniper, zig-zag your way down to me - cover to cover. Only strike first if I get spotted or at a high risk of getting caught, otherwise trust your judgement.”  
  
“Aye-Aye.”

Another look around the corner - they had barely moved, still sending out trills and checking omni-tools. _Geth use omni-tools?_ Another second to allow the destroyer to turn to face away and she jumped into action.

  
The thirty-metre sprint would have been much slower, and louder, had she decided to run with a weapon out. Her back was once again pressed against a wall - safe again - and her sniper was in her hands.  
  
“ _Destroyer’s at your eleven. Sniper’s at you two.”_ _  
_ _  
_Phoenix looked towards the destroyer - ten metres away at a push. She set up her sniper and shifted to her right in order to look through the hole (although it was more of a space where a metre by metre window once was) took careful aim. The sound of the sheer force of her sniper, the echo of its power, rang through the otherwise quiet room and she instantly retreated back into cover.  
  
“ _Sniper’s headed your way. On your right.”_ _  
_ _  
_She didn’t have to look through the area she had just shot from to see the sniper. It’s three fingered-hand was already on the rim, and she prepared herself to hit the unit with the butt of her sniper before it had a chance to land. But the biotic energy brushed her skin first, forcing herself to close her eyes tightly and tense at the suddenness of it. The pure force had winded her as it rushed passed her like a gust of wind that was impossible to talk in.  
  
A trill coming up to her from her left - not a second later - kicked her back into action. She reached out from behind the wall in blind faith whilst she returned her sniper to her shoulder. Phoenix’s fingers latched around the arm of a platform and she used as much effort as she could muster to pull it behind the wall. Phoenix cried out at the exertion, bringing her right arm to lessen the burden upon her non-dominant hand, and guided the Geth into the wall. Glass shattered, littering the floor. Electric currents from the breaking of a circuit within the platform hampered her shields, flickering and beeping incessantly. Even as her hand quickly retreated at the shock - kept to her shields - they continued and she grumbled a string of curses under her breath as she reached for her assault rifle.  
  
“Commander -”  
  
“How many Geth do you see from your side, Alenko?”  
  
Kaidan was six feet away from her, taking cover on the opposite side of the string of walls - perhaps barriers at a market or some kind of polling station - if the Protheans elected anyone, that was. She barely looked at him, just enough to know where he was and long enough to know what he was going to say by the way he met her gaze.  
  
“Three - shock-troopers, ma’am.” She caught sight of him pop out of cover, pistol aimed down the corridor, and heard ta trill swiftly growing fainter, falling down the chasm between them and the tower a short walkway in front of them.   
  
“On my signal,” the beeping of her shields stopped and the blue hue of their recharge momentarily turned her vision a sheer blue. “you run to me, I’ll give you covering fire.” As she spoke, she took a grenade from her left side and roughly threw it at the two Geth she could see towards her left. The grenade went off, sending one down the chasm and the other against a power circuit which overloaded the trooper. “Ready?” She watched him carefully, waiting until he nodded.

She looked through the window and took the chance, gesturing him over with her left. Phoenix crouched in the centre of the window, shooting at the barriers and then the shock trooper behind, whittling down its shields for as long as she could keep on holding don her trigger, a steady gaze following its every move as it tried to escape the onslaught of bullets.

It was only when she felt the slight biotic charge that she shifted further to her left, taking cover within the corner of the wall. The final bullet had caused her rifle to beep, the barrel hot. She waited a moment, going to her omni-tool with her left eye closed as more biotic powers were unleashed. Her fingers typed and swiped, eye opening as the initially vibrant blue dulled, once her rifle had silenced. The barrel was cooler and a simple tap on her screen had reset the overheat setting and coated the rifle in a thin shield designed to keep the heat at bay.

With a quick breath, she was once again out of cover, keeping much closer to her cover this time, and opened fire. Shields whittled away, barriers down, leaving the Geth open. The ricocheting of bullets on walls, the pangs of pain where bullets hit her, her shields absorbing the kinetic energy produced from the impact, the increasing fire burning through her left arm, focusing mostly at her shoulder, as the minor vibrations from the rifle echoed through the limb more noticeable than ever before. Still, she held down the trigger until her rifle beeped again and the final trooper hit the floor.

Sweat beaded upon Phoenix’s forehead, her back hot and her neck sweltering. The muscles above her brows ached from sheer concentration and her knees clicked as she straightened. Her temples throbbed - not enough to render her unfunctional and they were easy to ignore, but enough to tell her they existed nonetheless - and her jaw tensed as she lowered her left arm.

Whatever she had done to it would heal. She’d get it looked at later by Chakwas. If she remembered, that was. If it still hurt. If it still caused her issues. If it proved to slow her down and rik the lives of her crew. She had injuries similar before and the typically went away on their own after a few minutes. What she was more concerned about was if Kaidan was okay.

He was quiet - quieter than usual. When she looked up to check how he was, give a quick scan for any visible injuries, she sighed when the first thing she saw was the look of displeasure in his eyes, integrating with the concern that been within them since the start of the corridor. Phoenix looked away, returned her rifle to her shoulder, and walked past him.  
  
“C’mon. The water controls are just around the corner.”  
  
“Shepard.”

She had only managed to walk to the other side of the window when he said her name. No rank. No _ma’am_ But her name. Her _sur_ name. Caught off-guard at not only her name being used, but also at the dissatisfaction in his tone, she stopped mid-step, swallowed, and half turned to look at him. He stood close to what was once a doorway, leaning against the wall with the exact same expression as before.   
  
“Yes?”  
  
Kaidan approached then, taller than her by eight inches. Had he been anyone else, she could have been intimidated - but he did not look at her in anger, nor disappointment. No, the light had a chance to illuminate his left, there was simply concern that laced his gaze.  
“You cried out pretty loud earlier. You okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah.” She lifted her injured arm to move her fringe back into place, the tips touching her lashes. But the stilted movement, the small twitch at the corner of her mouth from her attempt to hide signs of pain, had not gone unnoticed by the way he rose a brow. “Kaidan, you worry too much.”

“And you don’t worry enough over yourself.”  
  
“It’s never been anything to worry about.” Kaidan’s concern didn’t lessen, nor did it seem to increase. Rather, he looked at her like she had caused some kind of pain. Like he’d heard it enough times it was no longer something he could simply ignore. “C’mon, don’t give me that look. That’s not fair.”  
  
“What isn’t fair is your disregard for your health.” Phoenix opened her mouth to retort, but. instead, she could only pout at the painful truth. “May I?” His hand was close enough to her arm to be respectful of her decision, yet close enough to barely be touching.  
  
“Yeah. Okay. It won’t hurt to have it bandaged for security at least.” She allowed herself to be guided back behind the wall, where she sat on the floor. She fumbled with the clasp at the front of her pauldron, close to her underarm, for a moment, then the second clasp halfway down her bicep, taking off the piece that blocked the pauldron.

The air was frigid against her now exposed arm, goosebumps appearing instantly. His armoured hand upon the area weren’t of much help, the metal just as cold. The fabric on the underside of his hand emanated very little heat, only noticeable due to chilly she was as her seat began to cool, and she wanted nothing more than for him to just take the damn gauntlets off so it would _at least_ be a marginally pleasant experience.

A hiss escaped her at the, albeit tentative, touch at the tender area of her shoulder.  
  
“Sorry, Commander.”  
  
“No need to apologise.” Phoenix offered him a smile. “I wasn’t thinking when I decided to do that stupid move.”  
  
“It was impressive, I’ll give you that.”  
  
“Thanks, but you’re -”  
  
“Phoenix!” James’ voice echoed down the corridor, footsteps loud and heavy.  
  
She sighed in response. “Quieten down. We’re fine.” She saw the Lieutenant-Commander slow to a stride, his chest heaving. He came to a stop against the wall in front of her, leaning awkwardly with his hands on his knees.”Armour fixed then?”

James nodded and roughly gestured at her. “What… the _hell_ made you uglier?” He held his hand up. “Wait, you’re smiling at something _._ Or is it… _someone_?”

Phoenix rolled her eyes. Of course she’d be sat on the floor, getting bandaged up, and he’d react without even _questioning_ how she got hurt in the first place. “Since you’re unbothered and had to deal with the water stuff on Mindoir, is there any chance you could the aqueducts sorted? Should be three thingies to deal with. Omni-tool should be able to do the work pretty easily.”  
  
“Great instructions. You’re lucky I know what they look like.”  
  
Pheonix gave him a grin that was sheepish. “You’re welcome.” She hissed again at the bandage that was being wrapped around the tender area and James poked his head into the window.

“Is Alenko hurting you?”

“No!” She reached up to whack him with her right hand. “He’s bandaging my arm, you prat.”

“You’re a prat for being stoopid.”

Phoenix huffed at James’ statement and returned to silence, watching Kaidan wrap the bandage around her arm. He’d done it a couple of times before on the extremely rare occasion they had a chance to work together on the field. He was always gentle, always apologetic. A soldier could have been swearing and cursing at their injuries whilst he got to work and he put up with it.  
“As I was about to say before being interrupted,” she spoke quieter, a conversation to be private. “I think you’re more impressive than you give yourself credit for.”

Kaidan shook his head at her words. “You’re just saying that to be nice.”

“Since when have I ever said anything for the sake of ‘being nice’?” She rested her head against the wall. “I could come up with a list of reasons why you’re so much more than you think you are: you were the only person besides Anderson who asked how I was holding up after Eden Prime, you make great hot chocolate, you’re so gentle in your medic mode, you think logically whilst being a man of integrity, you’re steadfast, determined, you work harder than anyone on the damn ship - apart from Joker, but he gets no sleep, you are _extremely_ strong-willed, you -”  
  
“Okay, I get it. It’s embarrassing hearing you list compliments like that.”

“Alright, Alenko.” She sat up as he leaned back, finished, and she started to fix her armour, covering her arm once more and fiddling with the clasp. “I’ll only do them should I have to. So long as you know at least someone you work with thinks the very best of you, even at your worst.” She pat his shoulder as she stood again and looked through the window. James was on his way back, a little more dishevelled than before. “Everything good?”  
  
“Yeah.” He rolled his shoulders back. “One of them had a wire to refit, the others just needed to reset. They’re faster models than the ones that used to be back on Mindoir, but otherwise, they work the exact same.” He sighed. “Anything else you’d like me to do whilst you get back to the colony?”  
  
Phoenix thought for a moment. There wasn’t much, if anything, he could do on his own and they’d need him to continue to reach the bottom of this Geth incident. But there was _something_ she didn’t want to do unless she had no choice. “Have a bonding experience with Garrus and Williams - there’s an Alpha Varren that’s preventing the colonists from hunting for food.”

“You want me, to take down an _Alpha_ Varren. With this injury?”

“You _asked_ and I answered. By the time you three are finished, us two ill be ready to continue taking down Geth.”

James rose a brow and crossed his arms. “If you say so. But be warned, weird things are afoot back at the Colony. And the Mayor doesn’t want to discuss it.”  
  
“Shady business, you think?”   
  
“Your guess is as good as mine, Lieutenant. Either way, you two be careful And Pheonix?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Don’t go thinking all their headaches are stress-related. And if you start getting headaches, be concerned.”

Pheonix swallowed and nodded. “What a way to not trigger anxiety. Thanks, mate.”  
  
“I’m serious. They’re not _natural._ ”

“Alright. We’ll be as quick as we can.”

Whilst James walked ahead, Pheonix looked at Kaidan, who’s confused - yet thoughtful - expression mirrored her own. Whatever was going on, either the Geth had caused it or it was the reason why they had attacked. Whichever of the two reasons, she’d find out why. If it saved the colony? She’d do anything to get to the bottom of it. 


	13. Communication Tower

“Commander, I heard fighting.” Garrus, the c-sec officer (she assumed  _ ex- _ citadel security at this point) who helped her find evidence against Saren to show the Council, trotted down the stairs, meeting the team halfway down. “Is everything okay?”   
  
“We’re fine, Vakarian.” Phoenix wasn’t yet used to standing next - or being in the same vicinity as - the Turian. Next to a human who was six foot made her feel small at first, but being next to Garrus made her feel insignificant. Turians were usually closer to eighty-four, according to science books she'd read in school, and she felt terribly small near them. Looking up at him for too long would more than likely put a crick in her neck but not looking up at him when conversing made her feel rude, even though she often only gave eye contact for brief moments and random intervals to show she was still paying attention.    
“Did any Geth attack the colony while we were in the tunnels?”   
  
“No ma’am.” He walked with them, sharing their pace. “But the lack of defences leaves them more than open.”   
  
“Without anything, they’re sitting ducks just as we were on Mindoir.”   
  
“Difference is they know they’re here.” Phoenix released a sigh. Both Garrus and James were right, but the towers were as unstable as a Jenga tower. One wrong move and the colony would be destroyed in seconds. “And without food, they’re not going to be strong enough to hold their own.”   
  
As Garrus worked on unlocking the door, James leaned against the bannister. “Makes you wonder what Exo-Geni found here for it to be worth risking hundreds of people.”   
  
“And something Saren shows an interest in.” Kaidan folded his arms. “Maybe they didn’t think anyone would attack a small colony on a world no one showed interest in, sure. But the surveys they took showed it was more of a hazard to attempt colonisation beyond a small research team. Not three-hundred scientists. Plus maintenance staff, medical professionals.”

Phoenix felt her eyebrows draw close together, eyes narrow, angered heat building within her chest as the conversation continued. She stomped on it and bit back her anger. “Corporate greed.” The door clicked and whirred quietly as it finally acknowledged it’s unlocked state. “They don’t care about these people. If they did, they wouldn’t have continued. And whatever it was they found would never have drawn Saren and the Geth’s interests here to these people.”   
  
“I thought he was attacking  _ us?  _ Humans. As a whole. “ James straightened.   
  
“If he was,” the door opened and she strode through “the colony would have been annihilated days ago. The first attack, run in, get the job done in one sitting. It wouldn’t take much. If our cousin could make a biotic blast big enough to take out fifty slavers, imagine what an Asari Matriarch as powerful as Benezia could do. He’d make a statement. A show. And he wouldn’t deny it.” She paused, hands on her hips as she looked at the colony. The citizens wounded, the citizens putting out fires. The citizens grieving. “No. It’s the same thing that happened at Eden Prime. Geth didn’t go into buildings - they went straight for the Beacon, killing any who stood in their way. Those who didn’t were saved. Whoever stood in his way here are the ones being buried beneath rubble and coals, burned on pyres and kept in urns.”   
  
“What do you want us to do, Commander?”   
  
She ran her fingers through her hair, from her forehead to the base of her neck, her fringe sticking up at an awkward angle for a moment before it began to settle, falling in front of her eyes. She took a deep breath. It was no good getting irate at what she had no control over. She couldn’t change their past. Couldn’t take their trauma. Garrus’ question reminded her of that. He was determined - unsurprisingly - and her restrained anger seemed to have shifted onto him. A Turian who was so  _ against  _ wrongdoings, he’d twist rules and laws, break them over and over until he got what he thought was necessary. That was not the way. That was  _ not  _ doing their best. There was little they  _ could  _ do with the tower’s instability, without knowing where Saren was. There was barely a colony left to defend. But they  _ had  _ to try - for the sake of the survivors. For the sake of their families. Phoenix wouldn’t allow the offensive without a defence. And it was looking less and less like something going onto the offensive would suppress. Not until they knew more.   
  
But without food, the colony would fall long before the Geth took them out.    
  
“Alenko, James. Change of plan. You two work together to take down the Alpha-Varren. Take Williams and Wrex with you. Vakarian, work on coming up with some kind of defence system.”   
  
“What about you, Ma’am?” Kaidan asked.    
  
“I’m going to see what Tali can tell me about these Geth Hoppers and see what Fai Dan knows what’s next on the agenda.”   
  
“You’re not going to follow your hunch?” Garrus sounded surprised, possibly a little displeased.   
  
“The answers will show themselves as we continue in this scenario, Vakarian. Questioning people grieving losses and under a lot of stress will not give us any more information than we already know. Any other information I find out will be through walking around the colony” She gestured her head. “Keep me posted Varren. When you’re ready, I’ll tell you the update.” She eyed the three in front of her. “Move out.”

  
“Wait, Phoenix.” James remained in front of her whilst the others walked off. His brows were furrowed, eyes sincere. “I overheard a few people talking about an Asari that arrived a few hours before the attack -”   
  
“Benezia?”   
  
“No. They said she was too young to be a Matriarch. A tech expert, apparently. She’d been called in last minute to upgrade their communications - maybe she’s behind the attack?”   
  
“Or she just had terrible timing.” Phoenix sighed once more, hands on her hips. “I’ll keep an eye out. And you should catch up with the others before they leave without you.”

  
James saluted and left her swiftly. Check on Tali for information, find out more information on The Geth attack, search for a mysterious Asari… Feros was just getting busier.

  
_____   
  
Phoenix followed her feet back towards the port, fingers clasped around the small bottle of water she kept on her person. The now lukewarm liquid eased the dryness of her throat, the scratch from dust clinging, the slight pain from the short coughing fit she had halfway down the corridor in reaction to the dust. She knew it would happen eventually and she had taken the initiative to have tablets ten minutes before stepping off The Normandy. But there was only so much tablets could do. So long as any coughing was rare and her eyes didn’t start to scratch and water, she’d be fine. Her resilience to pollen and dust hadn’t decreased since Elysium, she still had mild-hayfever. The only difference was she took precautions. Possibly too much. An injection an hour before, an anti-histamine ten before.    
  
And still, dust irritated her throat.

She hated Feros.  
  
“Got any news on the Hoppers for me Tali?”   
  
“You were right, Shepard. Qurians didn’t create these.” The Qurian engineer was on her knees, omni-tool scanning every detail it could. “We created The Geth to help with maintenance and agriculture, these are created for war.”   
  
“Know anything that we don’t on how these Units work?”   
  
“They are for the single purpose of stealth. Look, their bodies are made of a different material than the others.” She pointed to the screen of her omni-tool and Phoenix knelt next to her to see. “It allows them to hope so far.”   
  
“It’s like they’ve researched how muscles work and put them on themselves. So so they can run better, but to ambush. Like frogs and toads.”

“Earth has creatures like that?”   
  
“Oh yeah. Amphibians, rabbits, hares, fleas. Anything with more muscle on their back legs will act like these Hoppers. I’ll let you get back to scanning. Knowing what these guys are made off really helps.” Phoenix clasped Tali’s shoulder. “Finish up and then return to The Normandy to analyse your findings. Good work, Tali. Keep it up.”   
  
“Thank you.” Although Phoenix couldn’t see Tali’s expression clearly through her helmet, it was clear the Quarian was content. Like she was starting to feel at home and welcome somewhere away from her people.   
  
“Anytime.”   
  
______________

  
Strolling around Zhu’s Hope hardly made her feel any better. Colonists in armour made of scrap reminded her of the colonists of Elysium, the way their hands shook, the fear in their eyes spoke louder than any feigned brave word. Their voices cracked and they trembled, they didn’t hold the guns right, didn’t stand straight, didn’t breathe evenly. They were common people, people who’d never had to kill or hold a gun before in their life. They simply weren’t soldiers and they shouldn’t have been expected to watch their back every second of the day. There were only five soldiers for three hundred people that needed protection. By Phoenix’s calculation, that was sixty colonists per guard. 

What in the universe was so important they needed three hundred scientists?  _ Why couldn’t they have just had ten?  _

“Commander Shepard!” Phoenix turned her head to her left. A male, no older than twenty, jogged up to her. His skin was that of red-ochre, the small fire (in the process of being put out) to the front of her enhanced the copper tones within his skin and the acne scarring to his cheeks. “My-mother’s-in-the-Exo-Geni-building-and she hasn’t -” His sentence, already spoken quickly, died into a blur of vague syllables, blended with what sounded like a Caribbean accent.

“Okay, okay. Calm down.” She kept eye contact with the young man, holding up her hands and gently lowering them at a slow pace. “Deep breaths…. That’s it… and exhale.” Phoenix waited a couple of moments to allow him to take a few deep breaths. “What happened?”   
  
His arms were tight around him. A sheen of sweat was on his forehead and around his nose. “My mother was in the Exo-Geni Building when the Geth attacked. We haven’t seen or heard from her since.”   
  
“Do you know anyone she could be with there?”   
  
“No. We arrived a couple of days before the attack.” He moved a dreadlock behind his shoulder. “I haven’t been able to contact her.“

Phoenix nodded and accessed her omni-tool. “Can you give me her name?”

“Vea.”   
  
“And surname?”   
  
“Rochester.”   
  
“And what’s your name?”   
  
“Adio.”   
  
Phoenix typed the information. “Okay, Adio. Do you have a picture of her?” He nodded. “Can you send it my way?” He nodded again, loading his own omni-tool. A quick cross-device transfer later, she looked up at Adio sincerely. “I don’t know what my team and I will come across there, but I will do everything I can to find her.”   
  
Adio nodded. “Thank you, Commander.”   
  
_________

It was whilst she waited that she headed up towards the Communications Tower. Phoenix didn’t see the point in waiting around, fannying around whilst the Colony still needed help getting back onto its feet. Something that she could do was clear out the small band of Geth that had apparently set up shop, whilst also keeping an eye out for anyone injured or dead.

Rubble littered the path, the lift jittering and shuddering whilst dust fell from the roof. The lift was either rarely used, or the attack had caused so much stability to falter it was simply a matter of time. If communications were better than helmet-to-helmet, she supposed she could send a humorous email: to Team Varren:  _ Might need assistance from getting stuck in a lift. Be it from the lift getting stuck, or dragging me out after it’s crashed to the bottom.  _ But the fear of God it would put into the squad would be unfair on them.

It was secure enough for the time being, so long as nothing else happened within the tower Zhu’s Hope called home. As much as she didn’t…  _ appreciate  _ the decision Exo-Geni made, the colonists called it home. The scientists called it home. And an unstable tower with food and water was better than no home at all.

The lift eventually came to a stop, the doors opening clunkily. Phoenix stepped into the narrowed corridor, quiet except for the occasional flicker of power, the odd drop of water, the sound of rain that had just started to pour. The breeze was cold through windows where the glass had long since fallen from the panes, whistling through vents instead of rustling through leaves and boughs of trees or jungle canopies. Footsteps ricocheted off old walls in unfurnished rooms, sometimes there’d be holes in the floors where fixed seating once resided. On one occasion, as she paced through the straight corridors and angled corners, she saw the rusted framework of one such seating: perhaps it had five seats in its heyday before The Protheans were decimated in one swoop. Perhaps there was a family, parents trying to take a breather whilst their children bickered and bantered - poking and prodding each other like it was their only piece of entertainment that shopping trip. Or maybe there was a couple on a date, watching the rain through the window in front of them. Maybe these people saw The Reapers, tried to escape but to no avail. At least, something that brought brief solace to the thought that weighed heavily at her heart, was they died together unlike her parents. 

Phoenix hadn’t gotten used to the feeling of ‘sensing’ their spirits. She didn’t believe in it - all the talk of a ‘beyond’ and supernatural occurrences meant very little to her. There was generally something scientific to explain it all - or random scratches just being something she’d done to herself in the middle of the night mid-turn or fidget. She didn’t believe in ghosts or spirits, but she could feel the weight of history as if it was a change in pressure. She could touch sacred stones and sense their history. It was odd for her to feel that same feeling even now, in the quiet, knowing what destroyed them, what killed them, how they felt.

_ It’s your open-mind.  _ Her mother used to say,  _ you don’t see a bunch of stones at Stonehenge, Avebury, Castlerigg or The Ring of Brodgar stone circles. When you see West Kennet Barrow, you do not see an empty tomb. You see generations of workers, maps and astronomy, religion and feasts. You see burial chambers. You see a necropolis. You do not walk into these barrows out of respect for the dead, though they died thousands of years before your birth when the purposes of their stone circles were known far and wide across The British Isles and Brittany.   
  
_ Yet it did not make her job any easier now that she had been reminded that Feros was a tomb. A Necropolis. A final resting place for millions of Protheans. And no one seemed to care when they looted. No different to Looters through Ancient History. No different to Grave Robbers throughout history, even if for good intentions at heart. All that remained was dust and the skeletons of what once was. Husks and shells of homes, towers mid-construction, towers mid-renovation. Perhaps the colony was only a hundred years old. Maybe forty but quickly built at the height of the Prothean Empire. It was simply what had been, and what was yet to come if Saren succeeded.   
  
Echoing footsteps alerted her to a presence. The unbalanced weight to each step told her it wasn’t Geth, the pacing too uneven to be anything synthetic. The sound deflecting off the walls made it hard to know where the steps were coming from. But the laboured breaths, both nervous and fatigued, resounding behind her, in addition to the blue that lit up the wills around her in the darkening light) caused her to turn. A quick flash enveloped her and a force winded her. She was on her back barely a moment later, gasping for breath. Phoenix grasped her left shoulder with a quiet hiss as she slowly staggered back onto her feet. Leaning against the wall did very little to help with the ache, but it gave her a chance to catch her breath.   
  
“Phoenix?” The voice was quiet, adenoidal yet silvery and utterly familiar. Phoenix rested her head against the wall and looked in its direction. The Asari that had arrived at Feros stood still, shaking hands still held out in front of her, and green eyes widened. “Goddess, I am so sorry. I didn’t realise it was you.”    
  
“You’re a little early for Seasons’ Greetings, Amaya. It’s only November.”

Amaya ignored Phoenix’s words, unsteadily jogging over to her. She looked exhausted, pale - “Are you hurt? Did I hurt you? I did, didn’t I? I am, so, so Sorry, Phoenix. I -”

“I hurt my shoulder when I threw a Geth into a wall twenty minutes ago. It’ll be fine.” Phoenix straightened from the wall. “I’m going to assume you’re the Asari called in to upgrade communications?”   
  
“I was called in a couple of days ago, but I was finishing up Upgrades on Elysium at the time. Apparently, they asked around on Forums, did a little digging, read about what I’d done on a couple of other Colonies within Prothean ruins. I arrived a few hours later than expected, and then The Geth came.” She wrapped her arms around herself, eyes looking towards the window. “I’ve been alive for two and a half centuries, invented multiple VIs for Human colonies, and I never thought Geth would be my biggest worry.”

Phoenix tilted her head and rose her brows for a brief moment “What the Geth are trying to do is a much bigger issue.” She rifled through her pockets and pulled out a cereal bar. She handed it over to Amaya. “Get something in your system before you collapse.”   
  
She took it graciously and started walked in step with Phoenix. “I did hear a Turian very briefly - I would have contacted you, but communications.”   
  
Phoenix waved her hand, waving the comment aside. “I know about the Turian and The Geth working together anyway. They attacked Eden Prime first - we were too late to stop them, but we managed to save a good chunk of the colonists and stop them from blowing the Spaceport up.”

“What were they after?”    
  
“A Prothean Beacon, believe it or not.” Phoenix turned the corner and started walking up the stairs, the odd noise of Amaya eating going through one ear and out the other. “It’s a touch of a long story you won’t be hearing until you’re back at the Citadel.”   
  
Amaya hummed in acknowledgement, only speaking after she had swallowed what was left of the cereal bar. “Wouldn’t all this be classified information?”   
  
“Somethings I wouldn’t be able to go into detail with, but you’ve seen a Tiran, you’ve witnessed the attack, Eden Prime’s Beacon was hardly as secret as The Council would like to believe and most of the story they don’t believe as any more than rumour anyway.”

“Politicians can certainly -” Phoenix held her hand out in front of Amaya. “Wh -”

Phoenix covered Amaya’s mouth and pulled her behind the wall. The shadow of a Geth accompanied the rhythmic steps of engineered perfection and balanced weight. The sound of their communication method never ceased to fill her with dread and she subconsciously reached for the pistol that wasn’t at her hip, nor had been since she gave it to James on Eden Prime.

Amaya, however, freed herself from Phoenix’s loose grasp and stepped in front of Phoenix. The recognisable blue aura of biotic energy around the Asari came and went as quickly as the Geth was pulled into their shared corridor, down the stairs, and out the window at the bottom of the flight.

  
“Commander, are you always lacking a pistol?”   
  
“Are you always so full of questions?” Despite her words being sharp, her tone was accented with jest. Phoenix clapped the Asari on the back. “Have your biotics at the ready, T’Evana. You’ll be helping me clean out this tower of Geth. I’ll pay you with kindness and a brief stay on The Normandy as we return to The Citadel.”   
  
“That’s what you Shepard’s would call a bargain. I’m ready.” Phoenix started walking on again, Amaya following closely. “This is actually really exciting. I get to fight beside my best friend and that’s the best feeling ever.”

Phoenix couldn’t stop the smile on her face. “Alright, just calm down.”   
  
“Oh. Right. Got it.” The Asari smiled. “Right behind you.”   
  
It was with a humoured eye-roll that Pheonix walked on again, assault rifle in her hands. Amaya picked up a pistol from the floor - a make that was common among colonies for being cheap and commonplace. She already had high-level shields on her, most likely being prepared at all times in case of an attack whilst relying on her biotics should things get dicey.   
  
Geth had practically swarmed Communications, a drop-ship dropping off another ten of the troopers. From their corner, they were reasonably well protected from flank attacks and forward assaults. To get a back attack off, the Geth would have to go to their flanks and vault over the walls - a difficult feat when one was a powerful biotic and the other had a mean punch.   
  
“Amaya,” Phoenix whispered, “can you use singularity in the centre of the room and would a grenade get pulled in, too?”

“Theoretically it should. Why?”   
  
“Geth in one place, demobilised, and a Grenade blasting them around the room”   
  
“Does that include over our heads?”

“Not if you throw the ones coming towards us back at the windows.”

Amaya sighed, twisting her wrist. A singularity field appeared in the centre of the room, large enough to pull the ten troopers towards it. Phoenix pulled out a grenade, swapped the modification to electricity with a quick and simple switch of a rod, and threw it towards the field. It beeped for two seconds before it went off. The beeps of fifteen Geth shields sounded all once, the extra five caught in the blast, and Amaya threw the suspended Geth to the other side of the room, a couple flying out the window. Phoenix took the opportunity to shoot at the Geth who’s shields were simply overridden. The material of their bodies was already damaged from previous battles, perhaps a raid the colonists had ultimately won, but hadn’t warranted repair work. More weak spots were exposed to her line of vision and Phoenix took advantage of them.   
  
“Does Zhu’s Hope have any defences apart from its colonists?” Amaya took a Grenade from Phoenix and threw it across the room at another gaggle of Geth.   
  
“No.”   
  
“Do I need to make something for them?”   
  
Phoenix aimed her elbow at a Geth that had come far too close to her flank. “After you’ve researched everything.” Her attack was intercepted and she was swiftly dragged over the side, feet flying up in an attempt to bring her knee to the light upon its head, but to no avail.   
  
“It just seems stupid to leave them so vulnerable in these towers - there isn’t even any glass! Question is,” Phoenix landed on her back with a grunt, sniper digging into the place where a bruise was already forming from her run-in with Amaya, both shoulders stinging from the harsh impact. “I could create another VI, like Pandora.” Amaya hummed in thought whilst Phoenix battled with the Geth platform that had become more intent on punching her after she had disarmed it more than anything else. “Or -”

“Amaya!” The Asari fell quiet, Phoenix’s voice gruff and croaky, strained with the effort of trying to keep the unit off her “A little help here -” Her radio crackled against her ear.

“Commander,” Williams’ voice came through the line. “Is the colony okay? We just saw Geth falling between the towers.”   
  
“Yeah, the colonies fine.” She closed her eyes as a biotic blast swept passed her the Geth flying and hitting the wall hard. “How’s the Varren hunt going, Ashley?” She staggered to her feet, picking up her rifle as she did so, and spun around, shooting once more.   
  
“We’re on our way back to the colony, Ma’am. You’re brother just got us lost -” she fell quiet again before asking another question. “Are you fighting, Ma’am?”

“Just the communication tower. I have some help.” Phoenix narrowly missed a destroyer charge. “Are your radars jammed?”   
  
There was background noise for a moment, the Gunnery Chief asking the others if their omni-tools were fully functional. “There’s lagging, but that’s all, Ma’am. Navigation’s being affected.”   
  
Phoenix dove behind another set of cover before The Destroyer could reach her again. “Keep together, check in with Alenko for any landmarks he recognises. The Commander’s dreadful with directions. Good luck, Williams.”   
  
“Aye-Aye, Ma’am.” 

Communication stopped after that and Phoenix took her Sniper, happy enough to see The Destroyer (which was the final unit to be walking) suspended in the air at the singularity field. She aimed and fired as quickly as she dared, finding relief when Amaya charged through the field at the opportunity with the Destroyer’s torch coming clean off. The bullet that Phoenix thought had missed, found it’s way to the weak point that fixed the Geth’s head to its body.

A laboured string of exhales and inhales as she leaned against her piece of cover reminded her how close the fight could have been. She licked her lips, dry from the air, and tasted the copper of blood. Yet she thought nothing of it as she stood, trudging her way over to Amaya. “You alright?”   
  
“You should see yourself before you ask.” The engineer went straight to work on debugging the systems, overriding the Geth controls easily. “Is it the same Alenko as last year? The one who found that antidote?”   
  
“The only Alenko I know.” Phoenix watched as the debugging screen changed to an updating one after Amaya plugged in a piece of hardware. “Why?”   
  
“Just thinking that he won’t be too happy to see the amount of blood from your nose. Or that bruise to your jaw.” She wore a smile. “That’s if he’s still as much of a worrier as last time.”

“He still is, don’t you worry.”    
  
“Then I’m going to have to clean you up before he sees you.” A beep. “There. Communications will be up to date in three days. There’ll be a lag until then and won’t be able to make it out the system, but it’ll be able to connect to comm buoys further afield by tomorrow.” 

“Alright. Let’s get you to The Normandy then so you can have a proper checkup.”

____   
  
Tali was more than willing to escort Amaya to The Normandy, catching the Asari cleaning up Phoenix’s nose and minor cuts. They were sat in silence until then, only Phoenix talking when Ashley Williams had let her know the team were no longer lost thanks to the radars catching up at last. But being left to wait in silence, leaning against a wall casually, whilst coming to terms with the resurfaced feeling of helplessness wasn’t the most pleasant. Least of all when there was nothing she could do with the damage that had been done. Communications were coming back, colonists could hunt again, power was coming back and water was running. Garrus was working on some minor defences. It sounded like a lot, but with The Geth still at large, they were barely the tip of the iceberg. And Feros reminded her of the stories Mindoir colonists had told about the aftermath of The Raid.

Her eyes were glued to the floor, back leaning against the wall beside the door that led to the communications tower. Did her father survive long enough to see the aftermath of The Raid? Did he find her mother and bury her before The Batarians could defile her? Did he witness his friends being buried? Shot down? Dragged away? Tortured? Did he have to burn the dead in the middle of a firefight to protect their memory as much as possible? Did he die before then? Did he have to see the slaughtering of children and mothers and fathers? Did he have to witness children being taken away as he was blacking out? Did he know his children were safe? Or did he think they had been stolen or killed, too? When the Alliance found him, did he ask if they were alright? Were her siblings and her the first thing on his mind? 

Phoenix never thought to ask. She didn’t want to know. It was never on her mind. Despite the past thirteen years of the question never entering her mind, why now? Why was it now that her eyes stung and nose ran at the brief thought that maybe he didn’t ask, or he was in too much pain to ask. Why was it now, when she had gone years without even thinking of it for longer than a brief second, did it hit her once again? First at Eden Prime, now on Feros?

She ran her right hand down her face, rubbing at her eyes as if removing sleep from them, and took a deep breath. If anyone caught a single trace of red within her eyes, she would -   
  
“Shepard!” The booming voice of Wrex startled her. Amusement laced his tone, almost like he had been laughing over victory for the past five minutes since she got word the unit was on their way. He dragged a Varren behind him, larger than any she knew to exist.

  
“That’s the Alpha I take it?” She straightened and stepped away from the wall. Still, she crossed her right leg over her left. “He’s pretty large.”   
  
“Perfect for a Krogan snack.”    
  
Williams showed a small lopsided smile. “Wrex has been complaining of being hungry for the whole journey back, Ma’am.” Phoenix smiled tightly at the statement. “Kept on talking about how Krogan like to eat Varren.”   
  


James scoffed through his nose. “It’s all they can eat on Tuchanka alongside Pyjaks. Ever heard of Tuchankan herbs or cows?” A grin appeared on his features, eyes lighting up. “Wrex, would Krogan eat Vorcha?”   
  
“No. They’re skin’s so dry you wouldn’t be able to cook ‘em.”   
  
James’ eyes widened, slack-jawed. “You’re… you’ve got to be kidding me, right?” He looked at Phoenix. “Please tell me he’s kidding.”   
  
Phoenix shrugged, not meeting his graze with her lips pressed together in a restrained smile. “He’s a Krogan. Who knows if he’s joking.”

  
“That’s not helping me. What if he thinks I’m snack-worthy?”   
  
“No offence, Sir, but I think that’s the least of your worries.”   
  
“Williams is right, Sir. Between Wrex wanting to eat you and saving the colony -”   
  
James shot a glare towards Kaidan. “Not you, too, Alenko.”   
  
Phoenix cracked a wider smile already turning towards the door. “Wrex, you can eat the Varren. Alenko, James, we’ve got to get to the Exo-Geni Tower. Williams, contact me if anything attacks here, alright?”   
  
“Aye-Aye, Skipper.”

_______

  
Sitting in a tank of a similar design to The Mako made life a little easier. The seats were far more uncomfortable - mostly due to age and lack of use - and the steering was a touch outdated compared to the newer models, but she still remembered how it worked. Driving on the flat surface of the skyroad was less anxiety-inducing than driving along flat land on a largely uncharted world - or one where Thresher’s had been spotted - but her hands were still clammy within her gauntlets.

  
“So…” James sat at the back, leaning back as if he was ready to have a nap. “What did you do whilst we were killing Varren and getting lost?”   
  
“Examining the damage, clearing Geth from the communications tower. They won’t be online for another three hours, but they’re resetting and debugging.”   
  
“Since when did you know how to do that?”   
  
Phoenix took a swig of water. “There was a manual.” She heard the quiet creak of the chair James sat himself in. “Would you please stop lounging? You’re not doing yourself any favours in my reports.” She looked behind her for a quick moment, barely a second, a smiled when he sat up straight. “Thank you. Amaya was The Asari - she got it back up and running before Tali escorted her to The Normandy to return to The Citadel. Alenko, how’s the radar?”   
  
“Just finished rebooting, Commander.” A small beep was heard. “Picking up signatures within the side passages - fits the description of Geth.”   
  


James stood, back bent forward so he wouldn’t hit his head. “Think you can handle another battering?”   
  
Phoenix came to a stop a few strides from the door leading into the maintenance side passage.”It’ll have to.” She turned to the back. “Be as quiet as possible and no shotguns from you, James. Let’s go kill some Geth.”


End file.
